Louis CK Iama hello

Louie, what is pissing you off more than anything else this week?

I hope it isn't this question.

Hope away, bitch. You just ruined my fucking month.

I can't believe it. I knew you were doing an AMA at 2, but I still got distracted and didn't realize the time. I suck.

Anyway, you're awesome. Huge fan here. I don't have any kids, but I have two nephews and a niece, and they crack me up on a regular basis -- and a lot of your routines revolving around your own kids reminds me of shit they do on the regular, so thank you for making such relatable comedy. That having been said, I do have a few questions.

• Who are some of your favorite stand up comedians?

• What's your favorite Christmas movie and why is it Die Hard?

• How many dicks were in the largest bag of dicks you've ever encountered?

"What's your favorite Christmas movie and why is it Die Hard?" made me laugh.

Hey Louis, I'm currently in Afghanistan and i've been entertained on long missions by listening to 'Hilarious' over and over. The camp i'm on had an open mic a few months ago and you inspired me to sign up and do my own stand up routine. I fucked up pretty much every joke and stalled a lot, but everyone got a kick out of it and I was asked to do it again sometime. So thanks, for the laughs and the inspiration.

good luck. thanks for telling me. be safe.

For funsies: What's your favorite short joke/one-liner?

Why does Pinochio lie? Because he's a fucking liar.

How is Ewan McGregor?

you'll have to ask Ewan Mcgregor that. I can tell you that his cock is fine. Because it's in my mouth right now. I am not joking. I am blowing Ewan Mcgregor right this second.

Have your daughters ever seen any of your work? Do they think you're funny "in real life"?

yes and yes

How did your very first Stand-Up performance go?

total disaster. I bombed HARD for 2 minutes.

Many comedians, including yourself, sometimes joke or fool around about certain subjects that many people think is over the line inappropriate, My question is, Is there anything that you personally think goes over the line and you would never joke about or make fun of?

nope. I like joking about everything. This will sound too lofty because it is. This is going to an extreme to make a point: Saying a subject is too awful or painful to joke about is like saying a disease is too awful to be treated. Please do not take that out of context, the context being that I realize this is a crazy statement and I'm going to an extreme to make a point.

What's the shittiest, least funny joke you've ever told during a stand up routine?

"I saw Walter Mondale said on the news "I am ready to be president of the united states. Well. Phew. Finally he's ready." I did that "joke" my first time on stage in 1984. nightmare.

okay well that's it really. thanks everyone. Again.

LOUIS CK OH MY GOD premieres on HBO on Saturday April 13th at 10pm. it will be available at louisck.com in september.
bye folks.

what comedians today make you laugh?

Hannibal Buress. Zach Galifanakiciksiswiwiwiww88899is

The part in Louie when your daughter suddenly starts talking in Slovenian language was a real mindfuck for me since I'm from Slovenija xD How did you came up with that?

She's the greatest. I just want her always to be sup rising. I don't know how to spell surprising.

If you didnt go into comedy but were still as funny as you are, what other profession would you choose to exploit your talent?

AND, my friend creeping over my shoulder wants to say hi.

I wanted to be a lawyer and argue cases of civil rights before the supreme court. Or a car mechanic. I would have sucked at both. Tell your friend to go outside and think about changing.

Louie: no question, maybe you won’t read this and maybe this wasn’t at all what you were going for, but it would mean a lot to me as a fan to just tell you how moving and magnificent I thought the “Late Show” trilogy was. I’m not going to tell you some bullshit about how it changed my life, but fuck me if I don’t go listen to the CBS Exec’s monologue almost daily to help motivate myself to keep going and taking opportunities and aspiring to bigger things. Even if ultimately, it might only ever earn me my own “fuck you Letterman” moment. Thanks.

“...But you can change that. It's in your power to change that. Yes, you'll have to work hard. You'll have to do things you haven't done before and still your chances are very slim. But you could change it. I'm going to ask you one more time: David Letterman is retiring. You want his job?”

thanks pal.

Do you get money every time the RawDog comedy station on Sirius plays one of your bits? If so is it cents?

How do you feel about ticket masters attempt to make it illegal for you and other likes you to sell your own tickets to your own shows?

edit: it's Stubhub http://www.reddit.com/r/entertainment/comments/1bty7n/california_ab_329_new_law_that_would_make_louis/

I get 12 dollars every time someone remembers I exist.

First off, you're great! Your act always brightens my day, so just want to say thanks and wish you the best on this AMA.

Questions - How hard was it to negotiate HBO into the 5 dollar download for shameless?

Are you going to try to do a similar thing with "Oh My God"?

HBO was very cool about the shameless audio on my site and equally cool about the special. The special (Louis CK oh my god on HBO april 13th at 10pm) will be fully available on my site in september, same as everything else I sell there. I think it was rather forward thinking of hbo to allow it. Plus if they didn't I would not have given them this special.

Louie. My father, my Brothers and I watch your specials on the very rare occasions we get the chance to be together... Thanks for bringing the laughs and great memories.

thank you.

Hi Louie!

Among the variety of self taught skills you've demonstrated, I remember being super impressed by your skills in the kitchen in the first episode of season two, and just yesterday heard you bring up cooking for your kids and your chicken frying skills on Howard Stern.

What are some of your favorite things to cook for your daughters? Do you cook for yourself as much when they're away? Any favorite tools in the kitchen?

I try to rotate the menu so they don't get sick of stuff. I used to make rice and beans a lot and that's getting old now. I love making sautéed brussel sprouts but only one of my kids likes it. I love baking chickens. We do that a lot. lots of lemon garlic and olive oil, salt, paprika, pepper. Just tons of all that and cook that fucker at 450 for an hour then turn it down.

Louis what inspired you to jizz on a nickel-plated trumpet?

tits.

Hi Louis, I’m a big fan and whatnot. Anyway, why have you recently done shows in Baltimore more frequently than here in D.C.?

The only place i can do shows in DC with my ticketing service is the Kennedy Center which is rarely available.

When and how do you plan on explaining your material to your children?

My kids know everything about what I do and about jokes and what jokes are and what comedy is. All we do is laugh and joke when I'm not raising them or feeding them or cleaning up after them or enjoying their company.

Hi there, big fan from Germany! Seeing as I seem to be one of the few here knowing you, how successful and popular are you in other, mainly European countries?

I had a good time doing shows recently in Oslo and Stockholm and London. I think that's about it.

After your special airs on saturday, how long does it take until you start performing new material (since you throw out your old act) in order to formulate a new special?

I was doing a few new jokes in the last few shows I did on this tour. i probably won't go on stage again for a while but when I do it'll be shorter sets with new, bad stuff.

I was at your show the night you recorded in February! Love all your work, and you almost made me die from laughing because I couldn't breathe. I look forward to seeing it again!

The one thing that I noticed was how a lot of people were shocked at your "but maybe" bit.

Do you usually get mixed reactions like that at your shows? I thought almost everyone would have known to expect something like that at your show.

If you want 100 percent of people to like your material you really have mental problems. If you have to like 100 percent of everything you see, you really have mental problems.

How is jazandapuss?

he shoved past me in school this morning. HE is fine.

Hi Louis, just wanted to say I'm a huge fan of your stand up and your show. Good job! Keep making the world smile :)

you realize if the world smiled there would be millions dead?

If offered the opportunity, would you go on Whose Line Is It Anyway?

No I would not.

Which late night host do you enjoy getting interviewed by most?

It's hard to say. Letterman is always a thrill. Jay is fun because I know him well and he doesn't want to know everything ahead of time. he likes to be surprised. Conan and I are old friends so it always feels nice. Jimmy Kimmel has a great sense of how to keep it funny and his crowds are tremendous. Jimmy Fallon is all goodwill and fun too. Sorry I don't have anything bad to say. Maybe John Stewart is my favorite.

HI I LOVE YOU SO MUCH

Moving onwards, what advice would you give to yourself 20 years ago? Or to any young comedian/actor for that matter?

Thanks you for doing this!

I would tell 25 year old me to go exactly in the same direction i was going in.

Did you ever get to talk to or bump into Donald Rumsfeld again after the Opie and Anthony interview? Were there any reprecussions?

BTW that was the best thing ever

What's the worst experience you've ever had with a heckler?

Donald Rumsfeld is my uncle. I'm not kidding. I see him every sunday at our family meeting. Whoops. I mean. No. I'm not a lizard too. LIke him. Oh shit. I better erase this and not press

Thank you so much for coming to London. I saw you at the O2 and loved it, despite the shiiiit venue.

I'm one of the 23 year old girls you have no interest in...but...how do I get in your pants?

Who told you that? All you really have to do is open them and you are in.

What are the last 5 different websites in your browser history, excepting reddit?

good question! The ones I'm willing to divulge are...

the onion cnn npr.com elton john lyrics ebay search "davenport desk"

Would you consider getting Tig Notaro on Louie? Edit: spelling

she's a really funny actor. We'll see.

Who is your favorite female comedian?

Don't know. Maria Bamford is great. Tig Notaro. Laura Kightlinger. Kathy Griffin. Sarah Silverman. Jessica Kirson KILLS. Marina franklin can be inspired in moments. she's not a comedian but Mellissa mccarthy is hilarious. I know i'm leaving some out. Going back Joan Rivers. Carol Brunette Phillis Diller Lilly tomlin. Margaret Smith had great jokes. Rosanne had some great stuff. Moms Mabley. I used to open for Paula Poundstone who is a phenomenal performer. Joy Behar, used to work with her in clubs in new york. She was GREAT in the clubs. Um... There's a woman named Laura House who i don't think does standup anymore. Susie Essman. Lots of great women comedians. Lots of shitty ones. More shitty men comedians.

So Louis, how does it feel to be on hiatus from the show? It's gotta be nice to be able to sit back, relax, and truly appreciate what you've accomplished so far without any sort of pressure to the network, right?

I'm thinking about the show all the time. It's about having more time to think about it and get the next season right.

Chris Rock recently said on The Champs podcast that he likely would not release a special on his own like you did because network replays mean that people who didn't intend to see his special would still be exposed. They HAVE to watch him, even if they thought they didn't like him. Do you feel like you're still widening your base, or is that best done by doing a big HBO special like "Oh My God"?

that's all true what he says and I'm sure some of that benefit will come from being on HBO. He's a smart fellow.

[deleted]

it's weird because those shows are identical. Sorry i'm being a dick. Can i just be a dick for this one answer? thanks.

In the intro to the show, why didn't you finish that pizza you bought? You only ate half of it. Why?

p.s. Have you ever watched the Boondock Saints?

Much love to a fellow redhead. Cheers.

if i knew that i was going to jump cut the scene i would have finished it. i thought the scene was going too long.

Your grammar and your typing have gotten a lot better since the last time you did this, bitch.

thanks, count. Tried to say count but it keeps correcting it.

How did you hear about reddit and what was one thing that attracted you to it?

my publicist louis kay, told me about it. He's very smart. I had no idea what it was.

Hey how many times have you masturbated today?

once

Hey Louis, love your comedy and your show man! Congratulations on your recent surge of success, its safe to say you can get that $17million townhouse for your daughters now?

fuck no.

What are some of your favorite contemporary bands?

i wish i could say. I know nothing about who anyone is in music. I like kazoos.

Saw you perform in Chicago, is your upcoming HBO special the same material?

Yes if you saw me this past winter/fall. the same basic set with probably some additional stuff. that was pretty early in the tour.

For your show Louie, do your kids do any improvisation? I'm always impressed how well they deliver their lines.

it's a strictly scripted show. Yes they are both great.

Is "Lucky Louis ever going to make a reappearance?

No sir. I don't know. I doubt it.

Just wanted to say that I'm at work right now doing a covert ops mission to get on this AMA. I know from your previous AMAs that you usually only take one Q per account, but I'm just gonna put it all out there just in case. Answer what you want, etc. I'll take my answer off air, thanks (i. e. I'll read this after work). I love you.

1. Is the "S" in "Louis" a hard "S," or is it just pronounced "Louie"? When your full stage name is pronounced, the end of your first name bleeds into the C, so they could either be saying the full "LouIS," or "LouieC." It's confusing because no one ever flat out just calls you plain "LouIS" without the C. K. at the end. I know this question is a bit pedantic, but it's been nagging at me for some time now.

2. In recent years in your sets you've taken to confiding in the audience that long stories you'd only just told were totally made up. It's almost a staple of yours at this point. I know all comedians make shit up for laughs, but I can't think of any other comics admitting to it as they're performing. Do you fear that you lose the audience somehow as you continue to tell stories during your set proceeding the admittance? Are you going to keep doing this?

3. About what percentage of your act would you say is just completely fiction at this point? Have your sets gotten more fictional as your career has progressed? I love the surreal bits, like the one about you throwing your watch in the pool for your daughter to find.

Thanks, man! Saw you in Tampa in November and you just absolutely killed it, like always. The sheer amount of consistent, quality content you've been putting out has just been staggering. Totally inspiring.

I mean, you're fucking high if you think I'm going to sit here are read 3 parts of anything.

In your show and in some of your stand up you come across as patriotic, which seems somewhat out of character for you, given you are seemingly so apathetic towards most things. Do you truly have pride and or respect for your country? and are you as apathetic as you come across?

I have mixed feelings about everything including America which i think is normal and healthy. I tell you what really makes me sick is the phrase "american exceptionalism" the idea that we just start with the premise that we are better and so anything we do that benefits us is okay. I mean there's nothing more insane or inhuman than that. I am a huge fan of people. Most of them. And there are character traits that combine americans that I have enormous affection and love for. and there are things about americaNS and America that I don't like. I don't think it's a healthy attitude toward any group place or person to just love unconditionally to the exclusion of others without examining and trying to fix faults. Okay that's enough of this shit. jesus. i'm a comedian. who cares.

Hey Louie, huge fan.

I'm moving to NYC soon. Any suggestion on where I should live?

Also, do you still perform in small venues in NY, like we see on Louie?

wherever you can afford to.

What's your best joke about North Korea or Kim Jong Un? Seems relevant with the latest news going on.

he is very lucky he didn't do this shit back in the anytime but now. can you imagine the shit comedians and tv hosts would be saying about him? Anyway my feeling is that he is the first self-googling tyrant. I think he says stuff and then checks twitter and google to see how it's going and what people are saying.

What did you think of Cleveland on your tour stop? Lots of people tend to hate on this city, but have never been.

I enjoyed the show I did there. It was the first big show of the tour. I always have good shows in cleveland and I have hung around some areas i really liked.

Hey Louis, what TV are you watching if, if any at all?

i watched a show where they take you around the ocean floor and they said there are storms underwater more powerful than any hurricane. They could have been lying through their teeth and I wouldn't have known or cared. Awesome.

Hey Louie! What kind of Mac do you use to edit your show? And do you use Final Cut or Adobe Premiere?

I'm probably moving to AVID. Final cut ain't what it was.

When is the season 3 DVD coming?

I don't know. Good question. I haven't done the commentary yet. I'll do every episode this time.

So you wrote and directed Pootie Tang. Is it true that you weren't allowed to edit it. Is that is true how do you feel about the picture that was released. How did it differ from your vision for the movie? And how does effect what your doing now in Louie where you write, edit, direct etc...

when i did pootie tang i signed a deal that i served at their pleasure and had no creative control. It was worth it because I got to direct a studio movie at a young age and I learned. I don't sign deals like that anymore though.

Does it get harder to maintain integrity and stay true to your craft as a comedian when you get really big? It seems like people laugh at pretty much everything you say now regardless of whether or not you're telling an actual joke.

I don't really think about it. I do my act and tell my stories and the rest just happens. I've done with varying degrees of success and failure and been okay with all of them so I don't worry about how I'm doing i just do what i'm doing.

How do you decide which of these questions you are going to answer?

I really don't know. I just flip around and stop wherever.

If you could pick one person out of all of history to have dinner with, who would you choose and where would you dine?

My kids at home.

you get laid in your show a lot more than I suspect you do in real life

Oh really?

I'm supposed to be paying attention in class but I'm reading this instead

stop it. THis is nothing. Get your education.

You are in the new Woody Allen and David O Russel films. How were those experiences? Do you consider yourself a big-name actor now?

I haven't started filming david's movie. I loved working with Woody. Both parts are small but fun. Like 5 days of work. for me that's perfect. I get antsy.

Earlier this year, you had to cancel your tour stop in Boise, ID. Is there any chance of a show in the future, or should I plan on travelling to the nearest one in the future?

I'd love to play Boise. I always wanted to. I was actually supposed to play there in september of 2001 and then sept. 11th happened and grounded all flights so i had to cancel.

Hi Louie.

1. What was it like doing the mockumentary at Parks and Rec?
2. How many acting classes have you taken? 3. How have you approached explaining your daughters your early 2000s standup? (already answered)
3. What was it like to be back on Letterman after so many years, and how did that come to be?

Keep it real don't let all this fame go to your head!

I loved working with amy and all her people. I never took an acting class.

How's your old neighbor lady and her piece of shit dog doing?

still totally not actually existing. so fine.

How soon after you became a dad did you start doing dad pisses? You know, the ones that take like 15 minutes

that starts happening right away because you're so busy you never get to piss. it's also why dads get kidney stones and prostate cancer and die. Because no one will let them NOT.

What did you think was funny as a kid?

mel brooks steve Martin. the unknown comic.

So, Louis.............

Two things. How do you think of most of your material? A lot of your comedy is life experiences, e.g., no money in the bank. Are most of these things you talk about true experiences of yours?

Also, even plan on doing some stand-up in Columbus, Ohio?

A huge fan of yours, Andrew Carpenter

I just have learned to recognize when a thought that pops in my head is material. i worked in columbus this year.

If you could die anyway, how would you go?

I will die anyway.

Looks like you've done some voice acting in the past. Do you enjoy it? If you were to do some now, what tv shows, movies, or video games would you be interested in working on?

I like it but I'm not that good at it.

Jealousy in comedy, how do you deal with it?

when i see someone else's great work, I feel a burning that is sometimes like jealousy. I wish I had done that. I want to be that good. that's all positive. Jealousy for someone else's success or opportunities: There is no greater waste of time.

Who is your favorite author or what is favorite book?

I loved the Great Gatsby. I can't believe they did it in 3D. What the fuck?
Dahrma bums. these are just random. My Travels with Charlie. Grapes of Wrath. Crime and Punishment. Slaughterhouse 5. All vonugut when i was a youngster. Catcher in the Rye. 9 Stories. SOmething by Thomas Mann I can't remember. Heart of Darkness. I claudius. The Golden Ass. Hercules my shipmate. Fire from Heaven. Persian boy. The chronicles of narnia when I was a kid and now my daughters. TR biography. lots others.

Can you describe the worst shit you have ever taken?

I can describe the best one I ever took. It was black and brown and all over your sleeping face. Remember? yeah. That was me. All the rest of every shit in my life are tied for second.

Hey Louis. I've wanted to join the stand-up comedy scene for a while now, but taking that initial dive to stand up in front of people still hits me pretty hard. Is there any trick youve learned over your years of stand-up that keeps you from having stage fright? Not just by you, but any comedian?

no you just have to have the fright and do it anyway. avoiding it is rational and smart. if you have a competing desire then you'll overcome the fear. but the fear aint going anywhere.

My questions never get seen/answered but fuck it…

As someone who got success, let’s say… well out of his twenties (sorry)… how did you know this is what you wanted to do even when it wasn’t always working out that well? Like how hard is it to not just say FUCK THIS and just give up/try something else? I’m 25 and I wish I had as much motivation to get shit done as you seem to, but nothing really seems worth it.

Sorry for being kind of a downer but I do think you’re great and if I ever run into you in New York sometime, I would be so excited to awkwardly shake your hand and not take a picture with you.

The reason you never get answers is because you kind of meander toward the point and everyone wants to kill you. also "How hard is it to not just say fuck this and give up" is about a quadruple negative so I don't actually know what you're asking.
You'll be fine. you're 25. feeling usure and lost is part of your path. don't avoid it. See what those feelings are showing you and use it. take a breath. You'll be okay. even if you don't feel okay all the time.

I heard you on Howard stern last week and thought you were very down to earth. I went on to watch your standup on Netflix and thought it was hilarious.

My question: does Netflix adequately compensate you for your standup? Is there another service you make more off of that we should watch instead?

i sell some of my standup on my website louisck.com.

Do you even lift?

what? Wow that was abstract.

Do you even wait?