We are Jake and Amir! Comedians. Our new web series "Lonely and Horny" is coming to Vimeo on April 8! Ask us anything.

How does it feel like? I’m serious man, how does it feel like?

lol

And the king dork speaks

And he has the worst hobby of all time! Craisins.

You're right. Thats not a hobby.

Uptoke this man to Karma Heaven!

Commenter above me is a philosopher and a cool.

Question: do you guys get paid to do these Nature Box advertisements or do you just, like, love snacks and shit?

...and no answer from the peanut gallery!

Im serious. These guys seem so enthusiastic it feels like theyre going to choke theyre speaking so fast.

hhahha. Love them nom noms

Sup nerds. That being said, when is Jake's dad going to be on the podcast?

u/aldahuda, what's gucci dog? My daddy will never be on the podcast, but he bankrolls the whole thing. From soup to nuts, pre to post production, microphones, studio, all on daddy's dime. And if he ever gets within shouting distance of our abode, we will have him arrested.

Yea, Daddy Warbucks wrote us a blank check for Headgum and you better believe we're still cashing it in.

This is my favourite ama of all time. I'm practically giddy. Been watching you guys for over a decade now!

hahah thank you!

How many almonds would you say is the perfect amount?

This is gonna shock some people, but I think two. For a while it was one, but then I realized that you could double your excitement with two, and I think that's the maximum amount. I mean three, I just thought three would be better than two.

I'm sorry, did you think three was the maximum amount of almonds?

What would you say is more than that?

Four.

Four. Final answer, four that's the most.

Four is the most almonds you can have. And the best amount.

What about 5?

How did you get Ed Helms to play Micky in the finale?

I know he supported you guys through the pilot but how did the relationship start between you guys?

Ed has been incredibly supportive of "Jake and Amir" ever since we met with him a few years ago. We knew we needed something amazing to be Micky but we never could have imagined that person would be one of the funniest tv/movie stars today. Fortunately he said yes.

Did Rick Fox take much convincing to appear in your skits with him? They're so strange. Whose idea were the eggs?

lol, Rick Fox is the man. He was down for whatever. Eggs or otherwise. I think the egg joke was Jake's idea as a funny way to start the first video, and it sort of took off from there.

Also, he's a chicken.

Has Michael Chiklis every made mention to your Dickless for Chiklis sketch? It changed my life by the way.

He did, he tweeted it, and said, "I have no idea what this means," but he was flattered or he thought it was funny anyway. I can't imagine Michael Chiklis seeing a video where I am scream-crying at Jake, telling him that I'll go dickless for Michael Chiklis. I think that was the Reddit video.

It was, yeah.

Well then we came back a bunch of times. Serves him right for having a name that rhymed with "dickless!”

-Amir when will you have one of your brothers on the podcast?

-If you could buy the rights back for Jake and Amir from collegehumor would you or are you done with those characters?

-If you could fund a friends project who would it be?

-If I have a friend that lives under a rock which video should I show him first to convert him to a fan?

What up, dog? I think we should have Ben on the podcast. Ben was in an early, early episode of Jake and Amir actually playing my boss in performance review. But he's a smart talented guy. And Amir's other brother is a doctor. He would probably be pretty good. Both of these guys are more qualified than Amir to have a podcast. So “soon” is the answer.

I would buy back the rights to Jake and Amir and just do nothing with it. It would be like a power move. So I would walk into Ricky's office with a briefcase filled with we-don't-know-what, so it's like the pulp fiction scene where he opens it and there's this yellow glow, and he has no choice but to accept my offer, because who knows what's in this briefcase. I leave with the characters. I don't do anything. Maybe at most in a few years I license a doll. But i'm not even selling that.

So you think our web series is worth a lot of gold is what you're implying? I think Jake and Amir have lasted like 9 or 10 years or whatever it was. I feel pretty good leaving it behind with college humor and moving on to the next thing.

Question 3: Headgum, our podcast network, is sort of that. We approached many funny friends of ours and gave them the resources to create podcasts for themselves. So, our friends Mike, Dave, and Jeff have a show. John Gabers has a show, Streeter has a show, Josh has a show, so in terms of empowering our funny friends to do comedy, we are in some way doing that. To answer his question specifically, let’s say I had half a million dollars and needed to give it to one person to create a video web series, I think I would give it to… our friend Gil Ozeri has an amazing snapchat account, follow Gil Ozeri on snapchat, and he's doing this stuff for free, so I can only imagine what he can do with a budget.

I'll second the Gili Ozeri Snapchat the Movie, but also add John and John Carlo who are our long time camera ops and directors for "Jake and Amir" whatever they do is always really really funny too.

Question 4: That's actually a question that comes up a lot on our subreddit (shoutout to r/jakeandamir!) is which videos to show people who are not fans. I don't know if there is a specific video, I think what works well about the Jake and Amir web series is that they're so fast, and that you really have to just pop them in your mouth like jelly beans or they won't catch. Some of my favorite videos are “Tinder", "Prom", "Snake Bite", if they are fans of Reddit, we made a video about Reddit called "Reddit part 1" and "Reddit Part 2" so that's a potpourri. Also, show them "Lonely and Horny", coming to Vimeo on demand April 8th.

Have you ever had an outtake in the middle of a crucial scene (ex. the xbox smash in Explanation, end of Monopoly, soup part in April Fools Soup, or the cereal kick in Cereal)? If so, how did you guys deal with it?

I remember having like, a lot of stressful moments leading up to the takes that we could only take once. Like, the split pea soup thing. Like, if we don't get that, there is no reset. I have to go home and take a shower, they have to clean the entire floor, and we have to shoot the thing tomorrow. So we were very, very careful not to mess up in any way. I think the closest we got to not getting the shot actually happened when we were shooting our new web series Lonely and Horny, where I had to deliver a speech that was making me and the guy I was talking to laugh to the point where we were running out of time on the day and we almost didn't get it.

Do you think Ben Schwartz gets paid to be on your show, or does he just love youtube or some shit? Also, how did you guys meet him/start working together?

Ben did probably 20 or 30 Jake and Amir episodes for free. So, I think he did it for the love of the game, or at the very least, as a huge favor for us without telling us why. We love working with Ben. He's one of the funniest, sharpest people we know. He also has a lot of energy. We are often so much more tired than him, and he is — it's our show, and he was the one carrying us throughout many of those videos, so we appreciate that very much.

Which one of you is the most lonely, and which one of you is the most horny?

Me. For both.

I would say I'm lonelier and you're hornier.

Hmm, interesting. Why do you think that?

Because I tend to do stuff by myself. Watch basketball alone, go out alone, doing stuff like that. You are in general more girl focused than I am which makes you hornier.

Is there ANY possibility to get a Jake and Amir series blu ray or download? I would legit empty mine and my mothers pockets for this.

Seems like a lot of work for somebody... but I'm all for it!

How did the Ace & Jocelyn pilot do at HBO?

Hard pass.

Hey guys. I honestly had no freaking clue who you were. Posted an AMA for Michael Chiklis cause I love that dude and someone referenced you guys. Needless to say, I just spent the last hour eye fucking all of your content and I'm happy this serendipitous moment occurred. You guys gained one more loyal fan and viewer today.

Previous comment got deleted cause I forgot to ask a question?

damn, thats awesome! Reddit works!!!

Jake, are you ever going to make Amir go to Burning Man in order to show him what life is like on the playa?

It's a really great question, to show Amir what real life is, because you do know you're all living in the default world, right?

I don't want to go back to Burning Man, but I'd love to send Amir to Burning Man. Maybe we could do like a Kickstarter, like if we raise X amount of dollars, Amir will go to Burning Man. How much would it take to send you to Burning Man, buddy?

Let's say $50,000, I'd go to Burning Man, and I would wear like a Trump t-shirt and a Wal-Mart hat, and walk around and Live Stream the whole thing, from a Mi-Fi hotspot that's stapled to the inside of my asshole.

How different was L&H to make than the Fired special?

It was a lot more complicated, because we also directed it. With Fired we were just writers and actors, and we sorta direct ourselves a little bit, but Sam Rice directed Fired, and he really conducted everything. Lonely and Horny was all us, so, if we didn't get something, if we made any mistakes, it was on us, not on anybody else.

Also, furthermore, Fired felt like 20-minute long Jake and Amir episodes, something we had done before. And Lonely and Horny felt like a completely new universe. So when we started shooting that, we basically had to start from scratch. What does it look like? Who's this character? How does he interact with the people around him? So, it was a lot more exciting to start something new. It was basically the first thing we shot since Jake and Amir, which was a year before we shot Lonely and Horny. So we had a year off to write and pre-produce this thing. And then when we started shooting, it felt a little exciting and new, because we didn't really know what it would turn into. And fortunately, we had such talented people around us to make it, at the very least, look amazing.

Hey, love ya guys. How often do you say things like "dickless for Michael Chiklis" and a "bad amount of money" casually in conversation? How did you originally think of such original and random mottos?

u/GabrilliusMordechai, thank you for the question. I don't know how we came up with "Dickless for Michael Chiklis". I would like to be a fly on the wall of that room again though just to see exactly how it happened. I don't know how often we revisit the old sayings from "Jake and Amir" like "bad you" and stuff like that. We're more into "Yes dude" right now.

It goes through phases. we get into catchphrases and then by the time they get really popular, we sort of abandoned them and try something new. You never want to be caught in public yelling your own catchphrase.

-You recently played 2 rats in Animals what other show would you like to be a guess on (House Of Lies, Silicon Valley)?

-Did you have a friendlyrivalry with another online video creator?

-Jake have you directed a porn film under an alias? / can you?

Yeah, I think Thomas and Ben owe us guest appearances because we helped their career so much, so we should be on their television shows. Voicing animation would be fun. Like, to be a Simpsons character would probably be a dream come true.

I'll just keep on going on Animals as much as they'll have me. I love that show.

I don't think any of our rivalries were very friendly. We had a very bitter rivalry with BriTANicK to the point where Nick Kosher accosted my sister. And then there was the time we showed up at Rhett and Link's house late late at night and were about to egg it, but they beat us up and made us eat the eggs.

Question for Amir, what was it like being the star of Rampart?

Woody, a word.

Who was the one who wrote the little caption of CH videos? (i.e. ‘In LA, it's not "How do you do?" it's "Who do you do?"’ of Celebrity Date)

I think I wrote most captions, but I would like, run it by you if it made sense, or if you could beat it. But, when it came to titling a caption, I think that was my de facto responsibility.

Hey, coming from a background in cinematography I was really impressed with the look of "Lonely and Horny"! I'm wondering if Jake had any specific moments where he had a lot of fun with the cinematography or if it made things any more complicated considering "Jake and Amir"'s lighting was much more simple? Can't wait for the show!

u/cinelifter, great question. Thank you. Most of the reason Lonely and Horny looks so amazing is our DP Bobby Lamb, and the fact that we accidentally got an upgraded lens package. We basically paid a certain amount of money, which wasn't a lot, for these lenses to shoot Lonely and Horny on, and when we went to the rental store, the lenses were gone, so they had to give us lenses that were twice as expensive because they felt bad. So we basically shot this thing on these incredible lenses, and also we had Bobby. I don't want to take too much credit, but I am responsible for making it look so amazing. I am the lenses and I am Bobby.

The lenses and Bobby are my left and right fists.

What was your favorite Hardly Working either of you were involved with?

My favorite is Hardly Working Brownies... which I was NOT in.

Hi guys, my computer is acting up and i'm stuck on this page. Could you tell me who played the van driver in Men in Black since i can't google it?

Van Wilder actually.

Yes dude! Just Preordered Lonely and Horny.

Any plans to have Gil Ozeri on the Podcat soon? He is changing the Snapchat game and it needs to be known nationwide.

Agreed. And we will.

Which joke/skit from the podcast made you laugh the most and why is it the Game Boy?

That's a loaded question. Why is it Game Boy? It's Game Boy that we laughed at the most?

I think episodes with friends of ours really makes us laugh. So when Pat, or Streeter, or Thomas, or Allison, or Ben is on, that's when it's a bunch of friends hanging out, cracking each other up. Although, Jake and I sorta get into that zone sometimes just by ourselves. I'm trying to remember a time...oh! Maybe it wasn't even our podcast, but we were on Josh's Mindhouse, Josh Ruben's podcast in Austin, and he was cracking us up, with his WiFi password. He said the name of the password, but he said, "The E's are 3's and the L's are 12's." I still got it.

What's the one question you hope no one will ask in this AMA?

I guess I was hoping for not a Prank War question. So too late there.

Any question about our personal lives. Who I'm seeing is none of your business, and weather I'm galavanting with the a celebrity, a Mila Kunis type, leave her alone! Weather I am dating Cindy Crawford or not is zero percent your business, so let's not even--

u/ImAmirBlumenfield You are single right?

yes.

Amir, How did you manage to maintain a friendship with Streeter after that really fucked up Video where he made you think you were on Human Giant, and you looked really upset?

Hahha, luckily Streeter is the best, so it's easy to stay friends with him. Streeter I miss you!

I have sort of a coy question. If we see you in public, what's the best way to approach you? Should we use an aussi accent and behave as if you are a wild roaming pat of flamingos? Or should we not interfere with nature and let you get eaten by the stalking lion?

Punch me in the back and say "You asked for this."

Amir,

Uhh, you're looking great these days and you've obviously been working out. As as a skinny, young twentysomething, I was wondering if you were nervous/self conscious at all when you began going to the gym? Do you workout alone?

Jake, you're a stud. Keep on keepin' on.

Was I nervous going to the gym? No. What helped me was doing an activity that was more fun than just lifting weights. So, like, Jake and I go rock climbing which is really fun, and also a great workout. I've discovered a passion for jump roping and I don't know what to say. No I haven't, really, but I like jogging. So, between running, playing basketball, rock climbing, find activities that you like and you'll find yourself getting stronger without necessarily even thinking about it. And yea, you gotta hit the gym hard some of these days. Listen, rise and grind. You have to put in the hours. You have to start eating raw meat for breakfast. You have to start ingesting chemicals like creatine if you want to gain mass in addition to being cut. Because it's not just about being shredded, you also want to build muscle. Jake, you have anything to add?

Eat fiber, kids.

What?

Fuck the protein, it's all about the fiber, alright?

Jake had 4 boxes of Kashi Go Lean earlier today.

What's Leron up to these days?

My cousin Leron. Leron is still managing a Laser Tag in Queens. Things aren't going well for him. He's a child of divorce, so any types of routines he can get himself into is beneficial for Leron. He's also lowly-functional autistic. Leron's a fictional character we created, so you don't have to feel bad for reading that.

What one guest would you most want to have on the podcast?

Gee whiz, I guess Matt Damon, final answer.

Living or dead: Matt Damon.

I will say, if I could choose one guest to have on our program, it would be Larry David, because I just want to meet him. That way, he'll have to talk to me.

How do you envision your careers changing over the next 5 years? Will we ever see Jake and Amir becoming writers on separate projects? Or do you think you'll continue producing your own content?

For right now, we really like making our own stuff. Ideally, we'll be able to do that on larger platforms. Perhaps television, perhaps movies. Though as the line blurs between TV and internet. It's almost starting to become less and less significant that our show is on Vimeo, or something like TruTV. We feel like the same amount of people will watch it, perhaps even more, online. So, while TV still has that allure of, you know, “I can tell my parents that we have a TV show,” and there's a barrier to entry, and we convinced executives to give us money. What excites us more than that is being able to create our own stuff.

As for writing without Jake, I would leave him in a heartbeat if an opportunity even slightly better, let's say that I made one penny more on the dollar than what we are currently getting paid for Lonely and Horny, I would split. Be gone. A ghost. He wouldn't be able to reach me. I'd be on the next flight out to Anywhere, USA, to escape him.

Hey guys, loved the web series and the podcast. Really looking forward to Lonely and Horny.

My question is about the swearing in J&A. I noticed that the earlier episodes bleeped out curse words and then there is a point when the cussing was openly used as part of the series.

What changed that you were allowed to curse? How did being able to curse change the joke writing process?

Much love. Todah!

I think it was subject to Barry Diller's whims, or somebody at Collegehumor, one day they just said, "Hey, you guys can't swear in the videos anymore. And, we had to stop, so we started using well-timed bleeps. There were times that bleeps are funnier than a string of curse words. There were Jake and Amir's where you would yell something really loud, and rather than say a bunch of actual curse words, we would bleep so people could imagine much worse curse words. And then at a certain point, our boss said, "Hey, you guys can swear again." And then we happily fucking did.

Do you guys feel like you made it? How long have you been grinding for and what are some tips you have for others that want to be in the entertainment industry? Love the podcast I was at the Austin show! Todah

Thank you sir, or ma'am, appreciate it. I feel like the thing with comedy, or maybe even entertainment in general, is that you never feel like you make it; regardless of how successful you are, there's always someone that's more successful than you. So, if you told me 10 years ago that we would have had Jake and Amir under our belts and were making Lonely and Horny, I'd be like, "That's great! You've made it!" But now that I'm here, I'm like, "I want to do more!"

And, I've talked to friends that have more going on than me, and I'm like, "You must be so happy, you must be so thrilled with where you are!" And he's like, "No, I want to do more." Everybody wants to do more, and I think our next steps would be seeing how Lonely and Horny Season 1 does, and trying to make more of that. That would make us happy.

I guess our advice for making it in the entertainment industry is kind of universal, which is, do what you love to do for free, and if you're really good, somebody will pay you to do it.

How did you end up giving up your rights for "Jake and Amir" to CollegeHumor?

We never had them.

Yes dude or no dude?

YES dude.

What do you think about the current staff at collegehumor? I miss the good old Dan Gurwitch, Jeff Rubin, Pat Cassels, Streeter, Sarah days.

They're awesome. Were still friends with some of them (emily. murph. etc)

dinner tonight?

the dees?

You guys have a lot of mutual friends with the comedy bang bang podcast, Ben Schwartz, Thomas Middleditch, Jon Gabrus, any thoughts on a cross over?

That would be awesome.

Do either of you guys have a girlfriend?

No, they're both married to Raven Nest.

Correct.

Will we ever see Marty on the podcast? I wanna know what its like to live with you two coy divas.

NEVER.

Where do each of you see yourself in 10 years? Obviously, our hope is that you just marry each other and make comedy together forever. But wives? Kids? Living in the same house all together as some orgy-type double family?

Two wives. six kids. All orgy. all the time.

Sup J&A- Is there any chance we'll ever get to see the Jake and Amir pilot you guys made for TruTV?

What up, u/edufish94? Nah.

How did Gil get that milk out of his trunk?

Great question. I'll ask.

Lonely and Horny is supposed to be a ‘spiritual sequel’ to J&A — any specific references/lines that are carrying over? Are we going to hear any of the inside jokes from If I Were You?

Hyped to see you guys again (my fourth show!!) on April 7 in Williamsburg!! — the 1st anniversary of the last J&A video post :(

Seize the cheese!

Lonely and Horny is sort of a spiritual sequel to Jake and Amir. It's more like Amir and dates. Amir is still the insane one, and instead of me playing the straight man, it's a rotating cast of people Amir is out with. And also, a little bit of me. I think there's more inside jokes from the podcast than there are from Jake and Amir mostly because College Humor might sue us.

Unrelated, I was sexually harassing people willy nilly before we left.

Unrelated, I was sexually harassing people willy nilly before we left.