I'm comedian, podcaster, and wonder mom, Christina P.! AMA

Would you ever date your Mom?

Of course. But only if she eats all her moose soup!

It's just like the gays.

It can be. What's their pronouns?

Mommy Tina!

Is LJ into older chicks? My daughter is 3 and they should totally hook up. She watched your special with us and now refers to her chest as mushy purples.

Stay high and tight!

I really wish you wouldn't assume my son's gender identity or sexual preference. If you'll excuse me, I have to correct all the pronouns in his books to be "hen".

Sup Jeans? Time for you to play "Would you rather?"

A. Dunk your head in a bathtub of puke for 5 seconds

B. Be retarded.

Love the podcast, love your work, keep 'em high and tight.

I'D GO RETARDED ALL DAY YOU KNOW THIS!!!!!!!!!!

Hey Hitler,

My dream is to get into Stand-Up on some level, but I'm having trouble hyping myself up to get on stage. How did you get over the initial fear of bombing when you started out?

Thanks Jeans!

Hi HuskytheDawg,

This is a very common problem for most comedians. Lemme ask you this - How bad was your childhood? If it was really bad, chances are you're already comfortable with feeling like a failure. So you're actually ahead of the game!

Stand up is You vs You so tell that scared little bitch to calm down. You aren't fighting in Afghanistan or battling cancer. You're just telling shit jokes to strangers. Good luck and godspeed. Go for it!

Hi Mommy! Does it make your jeans low and loose to see Tommy Bunz trying to lay claim to your titles of Personality Champ, Water Champ, Hat Champ, etc.?

On a realer note, my Jeans and I were at the first taping of your High and Tight special and I was wondering about your take on the pooper lady. You think she was producing a girthy 3 or 4 and just got a bit of a clog and had to flush multiple times or what?

Edit: I hope you are enjoying your Just Glassin' shirt

Oh Em Gee you were there?!? So, for those who don't know we had to hold taping for someone who flushed a toilet over and over. It interfered with sound. I wanted to keep the moment in the special but the audio wasn't good enough. I'd love to find this mystery pooper and ask them.

Hi Mommy Tina, I hope the jeans are high and tight today. You probably get this question a lot but how did you and T-Bunz meet? Ya'll have just about the best relationship I've ever seen in regards to compatibility and affection.

P.S. Congrats on your special!! Send my love to Tommy, Little Jeans, Top Dog, Charo, Blueban, and the dogs.

Hi HerrSprink,

Great question. T Bunz and I met when he was just a 23 year-old stud in front of a rock club called "The Cat Club" on Sunset Blvd. We were doing the same show and he claims I was very sassy to him. At the time I smoked cigarettes and was like "Oh hey, whatever." That's his version. I thought he was very handsome and sweet and liked that he seemed mature for his age. He's now 60 years old. Doesn't he look amazing?

There was also some jump roping by Tom to try and impress you if I'm not mistaken.

That was at his birthday party when he was drunk and 24, yes. Good recollection.

Hi Hitler, I love YMH and your new stand up special on Netflix.

I have to ask why Blueban is no longer in studio with you guys? I always loved hearing him crack up out of his large beak off mic. It was hilarious.

Keep 'em high and tight mommy.

Hi TrialAndAaron,

We loved having Blueban in studio. Unfortunately, because of our schedules, it's difficult coordinating everyone to be in the same room. He's very happy in his nest, though. Hope this answer keeps your jeans tight.

This is all going to be inside jokes and its pretty awesome.

Real question though. What motivated you to start doing stand up comedy?

I live in iowa and not much real opportunity here. It just seems like such a big step and your advice would give perspective.

Motivated me? Feeling like there wasn't a job out there that felt right. I tried a lot of them and it was clear I couldn't fit into society like a normal human being. Get the fuck out of Iowa! Go find your tribe and start living your life the way you secretly wish you could. Stop being afraid of what other people will think of you and do the thing you want to do. Above all, leave Iowa :)

Loved your Netflix special, Mommy. Your impressions of your Dad make laugh super hard, like fuckin rock.

Any chance you could write a script in the vein of ‘All in the Family’ where your dad is the Archie Bunker character, and you dress up as a man to play him? Louis CK could co-write.

Mommy Tommy can play Meathead.

You’re welcome.

Loonattica,

Can you call Louis CK and pitch this immediately?

Thank your liking my special. Hugz and fartz

Would you rather be in a 90s goth band or start posting fresh content on fartmistress.com?

90's band.

Hey Mommy Tina,

I love when you have guests on your podcast "That's Deep Bro". Do you have any planned guests coming up soon we can look forward to?

Thanks for listening. I'm working on a few, yes. Anyone you'd like to hear?

More Jenny Pentland please!

She's the best. Maybe next time when she's in town.

Hi mommy, did you make a conscious decision to go by Christina P for good or is it just so you're easier to find on Netflix? Anyone who can't find the main mommy is keeping them low and loose, let me tell you.

Hi TriggerWaming,

It was a very deliberate decision to be "Christina P." I'm over the "azsitzky", it made me feel like a how do you say, asshole?

Hi mommy! YMH was the only thing that got me through working at Safeway cutting up fruit for 8 hrs a day, thank you so much!!!! Do you and Tom write jokes for the stage together bouncing ideas off each other or is it more like an artist not showing a painting to anyone until its finished? Keeping em high and tight, thanks jeans!

PlantExact,

Cutting fruit at Safeway - hope you have all your digits! We like to tell each other about bits after they've been developed a bit. Usually it's because we are excited about the bit. But we generally don't share new bits/premises for fear of crossover and both of us are very private in our "incubation" phase. I hadn't heard any of Tom's stuff until his last taping in Denver. It's also more fun that way. We collaborate a lot of YMH so that's the space where we come together. Great question, Jean.

Would you rather switch 'genders' with your 'husband' or be retarded?

HAHA I'd go retarded.

Hey Mommy! First off, do you like big tits? Second of all, how has your water intake increased your daily quality of life? It seems to have helped with your personality.

Love the pomcast and your standup, both make me laugh my ass off. Thanks to the pomcast I am now a real man who takes 5 showers a day. Keep on keeping those jeans high and tight. You guys are doing good!!!!!

Hi Bluedreaming,

I actually don't like big tits. I have them and it's not as fun as people imagine. I'd prefer to have hungry tits if I could. Tom wants me to get them made bigger. FAT CHANCE, DUDE!

Hey Mom, just curious, who has the smelliest farts? You, Jean, or Little Jean?

Great question! By far it's Tom. His are very sour and they linger for hours.

Hi Chrisjeansa, relatively new listener of the pomcast here, love both your and Tom's work. Congrats on Mother Inferior!

PS What do you think of this video? I thought it would be right up your alley. https://youtu.be/rWkeXu_4v7s?t=3m12s

You got me. I hate you so much.

How is your day going? Good morning poo?

Took a great girthy 5 thanks for asking!

Hi Hitler! Few questions and a comment.

1) “OMG” or “Fuck! You guys are doing good?” 2) Is being the water champ and personality champ too much responsibility for one person? 3) Why haven’t you done a special until now? 4) No more using basset hounds as an insult please.

Thanks Jeans!

Hello AlphaIota,

1. In my head I hear "Oh Em Gee" 2. It isn't. Because I was born to be both. 3. Because I'm an idiot. 4. What breed of dog would you prefer I use? Thanks, Jean

Hey mommy Tina!

Loved the special! Saw T Bunz at the Cocksino last week. He was great too. Kinda worried about his water intake though. He killed a Fiji right at the end of his set but other than that I didn't see him take a sip all night. Do you think the hot yoga is messing with his hydration? For someone that claims to be the water champ I was expecting to see him down 3 or 4 water bottles.

Anyways my actual question. Would you rather have LJ get a handjob from Top Dog on a ferris wheel, he does get a funnel cake after, or be retarded?

Hi Jhonopolis,

Thanks for watching the special. Hot Yoga is definitely dehydrating him and diminishing his already almost non-existent personality.

In regards to your question - I'd go retarded. DUH!

Hey Mommy Tina!

I just learned that your mother was schizophrenic and also raised you after your parents divorced. As a kid, when did you have a realization that your mom was crazy? Did you figure it out after you gained more independence from her?

PS. You are CLEARLY the personality champ.

PPS. And also the water champ

Hi Ibalz,

Ooof, still figuring the mom stuff out! The weird part is, when you grow up with something odd you just think everyone else has it the same way. Around 12 or 13 I realized something was wrong and spent less and less time at home. By the time I was 30 I got my ass into therapy and really figured it out. And yes, separating from her was a huge help. I recommend everyone get their ass into therapy if they feel something is off. It saved my life. Thanks for the question Mommy!

Do you purposely try to sound like Luke Wilson when referring to a common white man or is that just the most hilarious coincidence ever?

Coincidence and I love Luke Wilson. The friscalating dusklight.

Machines within, Machines within.

Why is this stuck in my head?

DAMMIT! Now you got me on it!

Hi how are you? What's your name? What's your pronoun?

I'm curious to know... how DO those big tits fart?

Today I'm feeling Zer. You?

My big tits are farting SO HARD RIGHT NOW!

Hey mommy, who's you're all time favorite comedian, alive or dead?

Bill Hicks had it all - presence, truth, material

Hey Mommy! I caught your special on netfrix and Ihave to say, I was so excited and you did not disappoint! Do you feel like the wait was worth it & the timing was right to do it now? I feel like I had to wait 67 years for this but I think it was worth the wait. You killed it, Jean.

Hi Cocomeow,

The timing was perfect. It took having a baby and the throes of postpartum depression to write some real shit. For that I'm thankful. As my mother always said "Patience is a virtue and farts push the shit out." Thanks for watching the special.

Hi Jean,

I just wanted to say thanks for TDB and great job on the new special.

I travel for work 80% of the time and it is exhausting. How do you and Buns stay consistent makin' fitness while on the road ?

Love you Mommy!

Thanks for listening! It's so hard. I'd say walk around the city you're visiting if you can. Make it interesting. Yoga in a hotel room is great, too. Find a youtube exercise video and do it in your room. That's what I did for a while. Good luck with your work, Jean.

Hi Mommy. Love the pomcast and am super excited to see the special. I was hoping if I could get the poop soup recipe please.

Now for my question. Would you rather share a pair of dentures with whoever you're eating with? Your choice of if you alternate per bite or if they eat then you eat but you will always get used dentures. Or would you rather reuse your husband dental products? So when he mouth washes he snowballs it to you, you use the toothpaste he spits out, and reuse his old floss.

Keep your jeans high and tight and swing by for some moose soup if you're ever in Tittsburgh penisylvania.

Poop Soup Recipe -Box of chicken broth -1 red pepper, 1 yellow -Baby carrots -Cauliflower -Broccoli -Peas -A splash of kale -Can of diced tomatoes -Garlic

Throw all that into a pot and boil it up. Season with salt and basil. If this doesn't make you poop - NOTHING WILL!

In response to your second inquiry - I'd gladly reuse my husband's dental products. Thank you for your question xoxo

Hey Hitler,

Would you watch a sitcom called Retardad? He tells dad jokes wrong. His kid has to teach him how to play catch.

Who would you choose to go full retard for the role? I'd go with Michael Chiklis.

SOLD!

Hi mommy!!

Since you are a big fan of the BRISTOL STOOL CHART! Will you ever come visit the holy city of Bristol England (or anywhere else in the country?)

Also, if given the chance would you go on the Great British Bake Off (The REAL name of the Great British Baking Show)!!

I've BEEN TO BRISTOL In the 90's and I would LOVE to be on the Great British Bake Off! Please someone call Mary Berry. I've been practicing and there are no soggy bottoms in this house.

How has your standup been since you recorded your special? Are you doing all new material and are you enjoying it? also you're the water champ

Mr Jay Berg,

My stand up is even more savage now. I had to get that first hour out and now I feel like I can really let loose. I'm starting back on the road in 2018. I love new material, it's the exciting part of comedy for me. I love knowing it can fail at any moment and the audience can turn on me. There's something so fun about getting disapproval then winning them back. The sweet torture of stand up! I AM THE WATER CHAMP! Thank you for acknowledging that.

Want to grab some moose soup later?

Always

Hey Mommy, what podcasts do you listen to?

I LOVE Paul Gilmartin's Mental Illness Happy Hour. It's a great service to humanity. Rogan, F This Playdate, Greg Fitzsimmons, Maron, Alison Rosen, Ari and Bert.

Hey Hitler, long time mommy here. So when does dog dick afternoon air?

That's a project we've been working on for years! So glad you brought it up. If anyone wants to finance it, contact my agent.

Mommy Tina, I've always wondered this... what was it like meeting Top Dog for the first time? Did he mention his beloved bowel movements early on? Loved the special. You and Tommy Bunz are the fucking best!

Top Dog is one of my favorite humans. He's so sweet and lovable. And I think yes, we discussed farts early on. That's kind of a prerequisite in the family.

Hi mommy jeans, I just travelled to Budapest and miss the delicious food. Any chance I can get your recipe for chicken paprikash??

Edit: I know I can count on you as you are clearly the personality champ

I always use Magdi's recipe. Check out her stuff on youtube. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qnCK7jLMSpo

Her Hungarian recipes are fantastic! Good luck

I think I left his number in my other phone, so.... Not a problem- I’m sure he’s reading this anyway.

Hey Louis CK, this shit pitches itself- what say you get right on that and call Christina ASAP?

I think I’ve done enough to earn a Producer credit, no?

Co-Creator, too. Call the lawyers

Would you rather make sweet love to the vegan vagina guy or the Rub rub rub guy?

Tough call. Rub Rub guy. At least he might shut the fuck up during the whole thing. Vegan Vagina guy would pick up his acoustic guitar and sing the whole time while maintaining eye contact. Nightmare.