I’m Mark Lawrenson, European Cup winner and former Republic of Ireland, Liverpool, Preston and Brighton defender. Ask me anything.

Hi Mark, I hope you're well. I'm a lifelong LFC supporter and a massive fan of yours.
Quick question for you, that has always intrigued me:

When owls have sex, do you think the lady owl ever turns her head 180 degrees so that she's face-to-face with the boy owl when they're doing it doggy style?

You're a twit-twoo.

Hi Mark. Have you ever wondered who took your high score on the penalty kick simulator at the National Football Museum when it was at Deepdale? If so, it was me.

Well done you! Would you like a Blue Peter badge?

Do ever plan on breaking your undefeated Liverpool prediction streak? I believe you're up to something like 99 in a row Liverpool are unbeaten.

In a word: no. You saddo.

Why are so many pundits ex-Liverpool players?

Good question. I think it's because we won every trophy going - so we were always doing interviews. People knew we could speak semi-coherently. We all talk shite anyway.

Hi Mark, If all the Premier League managers had a Royal Rumble, who would be the winner? Smart money must be on Dyche

There can only be one winner. Sean Dyche. He scares me from 100 yards away

How are the rabbits? Also could you recommend where to purchase the best priced Belinda Wipes?

I play in a golf society called the Rabbits, WTF? No on the belinda wipes.

I'm pretty sure I saw you at a trampoline park in Widnes once, in the last couple of years, or did I dream that?!

You absolutely did see me. I took my daughter and her four mates.

Hi Mark, would you rather fight one Andy Carroll sized duck, or 100 duck sized Andy Carrolls?

100 duck sized Andy Carrolls. Because 95% would be injured anyway.

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Barcelona. Messi.

Have you ever tried to break an egg with your dick?

No. What a knob...

Not a seagull in sight

Or, not a bird in sight even

Out of all the pundits you have worked with, who is 1, the one you consider to have the least knowledge on football, 2, the most annoying, 3, the smartest with the most knowledge of football?

Regards, Tim.

1. Robbie Savage - never has a man been more aptly named
2. As above
3. Graeme Souness

What would you rather this season, win the premier league or win the champions league ? only allowed one!

Premier League, because it's been so long

Hi Mark, how difficult is it to prepare for MOTD? Do you actually watch all the games or do you just watch the highlights beforehand? How much of the presenting is on the spot compared to rehearsed?

A) I'm not a presenter - that's Lineker

B) not been on MOTD for five years

C) Who gives a shit

Why do you suck the joy out of everything you touch? You could make the most beautiful poem sound like the instructions for making concrete.

Because I am a miserable bastard.

Where's your moustache gone?

On a barbers floor somewhere in Mayfair - never to be seen again. I've seen old pics and it looks like I had a rat across my top lip.

Thanks everyone for asking me your questions.

Never heard of Reddit before, but now I'm gonna Read-it.

Goodbye.

What does Gary Lineker smell like?

Cheese and onion crisps

I will eternally love you for "that was more Swiss Toni than Luca Toni". Did you think that up on the spot?

Yes I did, I'm glad you liked it

How did it feel to represent Ireland on the International stage?

Absolutely loved it. It was a promise I made to my grandfather. Played for Preston on the sat, Ireland on the Sunday for my debut and Preston on the Tuesday night!

Hi Mark, which professional athlete who didn't / doesn't play football do you think would make the best football player, and what position do you think they'd play?

Mo Farah as a flying winger, but your choice of hotel for him would have to be spot on...

Hi Mark, how come in Stuart Little, Stuart can talk to humans and cats in the same language, but cats and humans can’t talk to each other?

I have absolutely no idea, please tell me if you know?

WTF, get a life

Hi Mark three questions from me:

1. As an English born Ireland player, what was your take on the Declan Rice situation? Can you sympathize with how it played out or are you more inclined to agree with Kev Kilbane’s hardline opinion?

2. How does Van Dijk compare to some of the great CBs you played along side, primarily Hansen?

3. What was your reaction to your cameo in Mike Basset England Manager? Did you know you would be featured and compared to Pelé and Maradona?

1. I agree wholeheartedly with Killer's opinion
2. He's up there
3. I didn't know, and I'm still waiting for the royalties

Alright, Mark, thanks for doing this.

In general, are you a supporter of using technology in the game, and can you make a prediction of the next evolution of technology in football? After Goal-Line Technology and VAR, where do you see the involvement of tech in the game progressing?

Also, Lineker or Lynam presenting MOTD?

No idea where tech will go. But I'm a fan of VAR. PS, are you a geek?

My 6 year old grandson is just starting in soccer. What basic skill should he concentrate on? Thank you.

To be able to kick with both feet - absolute must!

Hi mark, who's winning the league?

Also what are your thoughts on man United's current state?

Cheers la!

Us. And loving Man United's downfall - long may it continue!!

Did Robin Friday actually do a poo in your kitbag?

It's bollocks. No.

On a scale of 1-10 (you're currently probably at a 7)

How insufferable are you going to be if Liverpool win the league?

I'll be an 11.

Hi Mark,

What did you feel like when your body started declining in the latter stages of your career?

Also what was your experience like playing in the US in the 80s? Was the quality absolutely abysmal? How different were your teammates then compared to the ones you had when playing in the UK?

Shit.

​

And to the US question - the standard was National League quality - teammates were part-timers, enough said.

Hi Mark, how was the part of your career spent at Brighton? For obvious reasons I think you never seem to be asked about it! What was that squad like, as it was probably our peak as a club?

Cheers for the ama

Squad was brilliant, we all got pissed at the weekend together. And people forget what an outstanding squad it was

If you could change one rule in football, what would it be, and why?

Injured players have to leave the field - discuss. You're down to ten men because some fella has tried to cut you in half!

How many orange jelly babies do you think Peter Crouch could stick up his nose?

Why would do that when you've got Abbey Clancey waiting for you at home!

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Obviously not you

What podcasts do you listen to?

I don't... But my son keeps telling me I need to listen to Athletico Mince...

Your son is correct

It's the only thing he's got right in his life so far

What did you think of your performance on the football video game Pro Evolution Soccer between 2008 and 2010?

What was behind the phrases like "WHAT A SHTOOMER!"?

Can I just say, they were written by a Japenese company, discuss?

You always seem to be cracking jokes, what is your best joke?

Try this:

​

A guy was invited to Buckingham Palace to the Queen's tea party - and just before he met her majesty, he farted, due to his nerves.

​

And one of her flunkies said to him, 'How dare you fart before the Queen?'

​

To which he replied: 'Sorry, didn't realise it was her turn!'

Is Naby Keita going to be a success?

Yes, he's just started to play like a Liverpool player.

Do you think Manchester United would be a better team if all their players grew a moustache?

No.

Hi Lawro, who's the footballer currently playing who you'd most like to smack in the face and why?

Sergio Ramos - how could it not be?

And his mate Pepe would be the next!

Mark, do you know what a Merkin is?

Absolutely no idea. And as you probably already know... I don't know what a belinda wipe is either

Mark how do you think this Liverpool backline of Trent-Gomez-VVD-Robbo compares to the one you played with in the 1984 European Cup final. (Neal-Lawrenson-Hansen-Kennedy)?

Almost as good - but you need to win trophies

Hi Mark. Who is the best Lord? Lord of the rings, of the dance, or of the flys?

Lord of the flies for sure

You heading over to Barcelona, Lawro? I'll get the ale in mate

No, not made the squad, gutted

I’d have you in over Moreno on the bench to be honest

Moreno is useless!

Hi Mark?

Hypothetical question:

Is there any team from the 80's that would be capable of beating the 2014/15 Barcelona?

Hypothetical answer: Our team of the 80's

Mark do you feel Bob Paisley should have been Knighted for his achievements?

I would say it's an absolute disgrace that he's not been.

Are there any English teams you secretly support that aren't Liverpool? I'm wanting the answer to be Newcastle

PNE. They are my team, that's where I started and where my Dad played.

Tough, it's not Newcastle.

Hi Mark

Which of your teammates do you feel would have transitioned best to the modern game with extreme managing of all the physical and dietary specifics , modern interpretations of the laws and increased public personas?

Thanks

I would go Hansen, Rush, Dalglish or Barnes - it would've been a piece of piss for them

Hi Mark,

Who do you think will be the third team promoted to the Premier League?

Dirty Leeds

Is Roy Keane really as mental as the media makes him look?

No. There's another side to Roy.

As a follow Prestoner, what's your opinion of the famous butter pie?

Got to correct you, it's Prestonian. But do love a butter pie. I can't believe people don't know about it outside of Preston. Every time I go the match I have one

Whats one thing people would be surprised to learn about you?

I'm really funny

How does it feel to cross 60s? Your advice to the folks in 20s?

My advice: never get old, it's a nightmare.

What do you miss most and least about being a professional footballer?

Most: Being fit

Least: Six hour coach journeys!

Hi Mark, what do you think is the biggest threat to the Human race at this point in time?

Also, would you rather eat chocolate flavoured poo or poo flavoured choclate?

Cheers

1. Three nutters - Donald Trump his mate from North Korea and Vladimir
2. The latter

Hi Mark,

Lifelong Liverpool fan here. If Jurgen Klopp was an ice-cream what flavour would he be?

Something with an unexpected twist - like vanilla and chili

Hey Lawro,

In Mike Basset: football manager they took the piss out of your dribbling pretty hilariously. Fair or unfair?

Unfair! I should've got a BAFTA!

What are your thoughts on the shambles at elland road yesterday? Was bielsa right to allow villa to score? What punishment should bamford face for his disgraceful dive?

Bielsa was 100% right. And if there's any justice, his team will come up by the playoffs.

How many WKDs will you shout vardy if he scores this weekend and steals points from city?

As many as he wants!

Have you listened to Athletico Mince? (podcast)

No, but my son keeps telling me to! And I know there's something about Belinda's wipes

Hey Lawro, I have a big practical based exam tomorrow and it has me very twitchy. Any tips that you used to keep the nerves steady before a big game?

Pint of Guinness and blackcurrant normally did it for me!

Assuming Man City win the premier league... If it was somehow offered at the end of this season, would you ditch Klopp and take Guardiola?

Does your answer change if Klopp wins the premier league this year?

No.

and no again.

As a centreback yourself, how do you rate Van Dijk?

Best in the world currently.

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I do irony

Hi Lawro, what was the worst game you've had to commentate on?

Ps. Any chance of persuading Paddy to do the 1k drop into my account? If not a £25 bet will do.

It was Bayern Munich 1 - 2 Man United. Torture.