IAMA wildly incompetent network security admin and have no business in my job. AMA.

there's something about your dont give a fuck attitude that is refreshing

hey, thanks. that honestly might be the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me. honestly, I truly don't give a fuck. I am always the first to rock the boat here. I'll blame anyone and call anyone out when they fuck up

edit: calling people out when they fuck up further cements the belief that I know my shit. When I dont

I truly don't give a fuck. I am always the first to rock the boat here. I'll blame anyone and call anyone out when they fuck up

There are zen buddhists who devote their lives to reach such a state of sublime equanimity. I'm in awe.

If there is ever a demotivational poster sporting "and that day not a fuck was given" to be made, it's from this.

I feel ashamed that I take this as a compliment.

my boss always says he dreads the day i get fired, because he knows i'm going to march right up to the executives and collectively fuck their brainstems.

Except you do give a fuck.

If anyone gives away where I work, please for the love of god dont say anything...seriously. this is no joke. I'm not trolling. this is my life.

There's the proof.

well yah i certainly dont want this to be the end of my job because i felt the need to do an AMA

Did this attitude spawn when you met a guy named Tyler on a plane? I know where this leads, and you don't want to go down that path.

I am Joe's Lazy Network Security Admin.

I'd really like to show you how I'm not lazy..but that shit would take forever

No problem. I'd rather see someone that doesn't know anything, knows that he doesn't know anything, yet doesn't give a fuck over someone who doesn't know anything, doesn't know that he doesn't know anything and acts like some tough shit.

that was surprisingly less confusing than it seems

Most people have to consume vast amounts of alcohol or psychoactive drugs to achieve this state. You are way ahead of the game.

I'm like a renaissance man?

[deleted]

I never said I WASN'T Danny DeVito

I truly don't give a fuck. I am always the first to rock the boat here. I'll blame anyone and call anyone out when they fuck up

As far as I am aware this is the only requirement for being an IT admin, so this AMA is bogus. Good day sir.

while your partway true, most IT admins believe their own bullshit...i obviously, do not

I agree. He may be lazy, a misanthrope, and a small scale thief but his self honesty about it actually makes me warm to him a lot.

this reply has made me laugh no less than 10 fucking times.

"and a small scale thief"

[deleted]

wow. thanks

Yeah, mine too. As a former IT guy who was also underqualified, I am inspired by your attitude. This comment (about being a sacrificial goat) really made the AMA.

I'm flattered, really. Thank you.

Ever wondered if your boss is stealing from the casino's actual take? If it was my job to hire a security professional for a casino system and I:

1. picked someone who did not know the job

2. picked someone I perhaps knew was also willing to be dishonest, in fact needed to be since they were unqualified.

3. looked the other way or actively protected them from management

4. and was then always too 'busy' to teach them.

it might be on purpose. What's your relationship to the guy? As I read your post I kept wondering 'why'. Why act that irresponsibly for a person if it did not benefit him or you guys don't have a relationship of some sort...

well I am pretty awesome. he likes the fact that our dads both killed themselves so theres that too

Why did I find this answer hilarious?

because you don't give a fuck

you and this guy should hook up and not give a fuck together

Agreed. I don't live near Vegas though. This chick in the Navy who wants to marry me says she is going to take me on a vacation there soon. I'm pretty sure she is gonna try to get me drunk and get the job done. It wouldn't be a horrible thing though. I wouldn't have to work anymore and I'd still get insurance to cover my crippling bipolar.

Lets get together and go bowling!

[deleted]

we should start a club. if only we werent so damn lazy

I'm not proud, but I'm not ashamed.

This should be the new slogan for Vegas.

its really not a bad one, is it?

Sounds like you are definite MD/VP material. I'll probably work for you in a few years.

this made me lulz

I too wish to pursue a career in wild incompetence, any advice as an industry insider?

lie. alot

Are you competent at lying?

if i answer this truthfully, you will think i'm lying.

also, then you will doubt the sincerity of this whole thread. I see you attempting to ninja reverse troll me....

There's an old Abbie Hoffman quote that I think applies to you. "To steal from a brother or sister is evil. To not steal from the institutions that are the pillars of the Pig Empire is equally immoral." Safe to say that a fucking casino falls under the latter category. Keep up the good work.

thanks UP THE BUTT JESUS!

I didn't see his username and thought...

Well, that's a weird way to say thank you.

and now it's NOT a weird way?

If you delete network accounts for terminated employees, you're better at network security than many shops.

BTW, will you be heading across the street to Defcon?

ooh, i was hoping to avoid this question...if i tell you why i need to avoid the question, you'll figure out why I need to avoid the question

Sooo... you work at the Riviera, eh?

nah. The Riviera is actually a pretty nice place. my casino has never been in any movies...maybe some homemade bumfights or some shit

I think I was on the phone with you last night. I hope it all works out.

i have no idea whats going on here

Uhhh...dude, you make $16/hr. That's nothing.

I wouldn't feel too bad about being completely incompetent, that's what they're paying for.

A guy doing security should be making at least twice that. You're making level 1 helpdesk money right now and it sounds like you're doing more than most of those guys do.

i agree. i'm gonna ask for a raise

Do it. Please do it. It would complete your "I don't give a fuck" persona.

i've asked several times for a boss. i threw a fit the other day because they would'nt buy me a new laptop, even though I convinced my boss to buy me a gaming laptop a mere 2 years ago. I mean i threw an ABSOLUTE fit

Dude I'm in the same boat as you. I'm 18 and a school put me in charge of migrating their entire network over to mac osx. I was shitting bricks for a solid two weeks.

heh. reminds me of a time when here when I was supposed to upgrade the antivirus server and all the clients. We use sophos, which has a firewall component too. the whole thing fell to shit. I accidentally installed firewalls on all the workstations (about 600 pcs) and the firewalls blocked the antivirus console from updating the clients, so now over 200 computers are running half assed AV installs and I convinced my bosses it was the AVs fault. I could fix it if I went to each PC, but I also convinced them that it wasn't possible with my giant work load (with the audits and all) and can they have the techs do it.

The techs are too busy so its been put on hold until they can get to it.

See what I did there? convinced everyone it wasn't my fault and now it wans't my responsibility to fix.

and YES, that is 100% a true story

convinced everyone it wasn't my fault and now it wasn't my responsibility to fix.

You would be a great manager.

hey thanks. One thing being so out of my league in this job has taught me, it would be that I would actually hire competent people if I was a manager, so I could continue to do nothing

Pure fucking evil genius. You should be a politician.

I've actually been told that alot. The problem is, I'm too honest. I would never be able to fuck over citizens like that...maybe I would...this whole statement contradicts itself, but a large corporation, i could fuck over.

tax payers who believe me when I say I'll make changes or wahtever...i'd have to keep my word. I'd mean it.

Hey, how did you get that position? I want to apply for an IT position with a school district that I'm semi-underqualified for, but I know I could do it if given the chance

just fluff your resume. half the people dont know shit anyway, and if the person doing the hiring is doing all sorts of bullshit testing and quizzing, you dont want that job anyway. he's a control freak and a know it all.

Or he just wants to hire somebody who knows what the hell they are doing...

bullshit. if the dude starts quizzing out of control and asking you the hardest questions on the planet "what does the 4th pin from the left of a VGA cable do" he's a dick.

I was asked that question once at a job interview several years ago and I said "plugs into the 4th hole from the right" and he thought about it and smiled. I didn't get the job.

I am sorry I am overcome with the desire to post a meaningless post and say how absolutely perfect that answer is.

EDIT: this whole thread has had me giggling to tears. Message me when you do the "IAMA wildly incompetent network security admin who got fired for doing an IAMA, AMA"

just the sounds of that title is fucking awesome...

I think you are the guy our reddit gold subscriptions should be paying.

alrighty. where do i sign up for that? do i gotta do stuff, cuz there's that whole lazy thing...

[deleted]

business run scared at "over qualified" people. you need to make an impression when you go on interviews. I strongly believe in my "people skills" and would do shit to be completely over the top. Wear a tux to an interview. or wear just the tux top with sweat pants and say "i figured the bottom half would be hidden by a desk or table or something"

smile when you talk, dont be nervous. never be nervous. dont ever say "i'm nervous" make them nervous. ask questions, turn it around and control the conversation. I strongly believe this is how you get noticed.

tailor your resume to include only what the job is asking for. dont load all your shit onto it if its for a pc tech job. instead change it so it only shows the tech stuff and fluff that part up. then when you come in, ask them other shit. if you go in for a pc tech job and start asking the interviewer "what is your website written in? oh really? i used to do some coldfusion programming too, but I switched to asp.net. but lets face it. coldfusion is better considering the time it came out" the interview will remember that shit

wow, that is good advise. I think I failed on all those fronts.

Verbose resume, I am a nervous wreck, also very shy by nature.

you need to really listen to this advice..it's gonna sound gay...but when I'm talking to someone that I'm nervous about, i think back to a movie. does't matter which one, the point is i think back to an actor telling another actor "i fucking own you" and in his eyes, he fucking OWNS HIM. and I pretend I'm that guy for a minute.

I fucking own you. and then i say whatever i'm gonna say.

My god. You are a fucking genius.

i really feel like I'm actually helping people in this thread and that's something I'm so happy I could do. I started this shit because i was LITERALLY BORED AT WORK...just figured I'd get flamed and an hr or so wasted and then i could watch more porn.

but i'm way happier the way this turned out. thanks for the great compliment

Motherfucker you made me Google "Transformice". And I was JUST about to start being productive, I swear!

good luck with that

Ever used the line, "Have you tried turning it off and on again?"

I refuse to take calls from employees. God, I really am a fucking worthless employee.

lol. Seriously, I audibly laughed. In real life.

that warms my heart

Are you this guy? (click the "Sales Guy vs. Web Dude" link. If you haven't seen it yet, it might be the funniest movie you'll ever see that is related to your job.)

i have seen it thousands of times and me and my boss do the bit all the time:

"Did you XXXX?" (ie: did you ruing the AV install?) "No" "oh, Renee said you did."

"...oh i mean yah"

That video is amazing! "You can't arrange it by penis". I died right there.

Every computer nerd, especially any who has ever done sysadmin (and let's face it, that's most of us) needs to see that video.

agreed. its required material to use the internet

[deleted]

if you start now, you could be as incompetent as me by the time your 25!

I only clicked on this to berate you.

I'm tired of jack-offs in the IT world making it that much harder for me by being lazy ass-hats.

Then I saw how much they pay you.

"You get what you pay for" has never been truer.

Have fun screwing over those jerk-offs...

i find it funny that this is wrong and people should be pissed when they assume I make $100k a year, like any real network admin would..but when they see how god awfully I'm paid, its acceptable.

The plethora of unqualified, inexperienced apathetics in the industry are why fellows like me can charge $350/hr.

You are an important part of the ecosystem. Keep up the good work.

just doing my part. Apparently.

I earned more working in a super market when I was 16, my job was moving stuff around and filling up the dairy shelves...keep on chilling :)

CAN DO!

Reading between the lines here. But did it ever occur to you that maybe you are effectively the sacrificial goat when the shit finally hits the fan?

well theres 2 issues to your thinking. 1) how could I be a sacrificial goat? didn't you read what I was saying? i'm the WORST EMPLOYEE in this department. I SHOULD be the one to go. I would'nt be a "sacrifical goat" i'd be the "right choice of who to fire"

secondly, shit has already hit the fan over and over and everytime, I'm left standing. there is no more shit to throw at this casino shaped toilet.

i'm the WORST EMPLOYEE in this department. I SHOULD be the one to go. I would'nt be a "sacrifical goat" i'd be the "right choice of who to fire"

That right there - that's freedom.

<3

I'm kind of an asshole (no one here likes me, I'm sure), so you can take it to heart when I say you've really got an edge on the humor thing. That's likely your true vocation. Really. There's a huge shortage of funny people. You could write a syndicated column on how to be professionally lazy.

one of my life's aspirations is to be a writer..but i've never written anything beyond forum posts and a blog here and there. I started 3 scripts, 2 books and a few poems...my life's goal would be to write a movie..but i just...dont

also. thank you. awesome AWESOME compliment

Any plans to do another AMA when you get busted for doing this AMA?

sure!

I'll use my real name then too

I think you have the makings of becoming one of Reddit's best motivational speakers.

that sounds alot like work...

Got to dash to bed, so hopefully I can make this quick.

I've worked for a very large online gambling company for the past couple of years, and will stop doing so a couple of days from now. I think this kind of thing is normal in the industry. First you have an industry where many land based casinos have little competition because of license restrictions making it hard for new entrants, and many online casinos had little competition because they were brave enough to operate in a legal gray area that any well run business wouldn't dare enter. That's apart from the fact that it's a type of business that takes money quickly off the majority of people who mistakenly think they're luckier than probability theory determines.

The industry is slowly maturing and the margins are getting lower. For land based casinos it's purely because of the credit crunch. For online casinos it's both the economy and because of increased legislation and the enforcement of it.

What you end up having are two things: One is that many of these companies were founded by people who would likely fail in other businesses but somehow ended up in this one that made lots of money easily. For online gambling this includes a lot of young entrepreneurs who did well but actually have no experience in how to keep a business running when margins are considerably tighter. The second thing is that just like the actual product, people in this business have a bit of a gambling mentality themselves. They took a risk and it paid off.

What is happening now is that as the profit margins are coming down dramatically, you have budget constraints so a lot of cuts are being made. Then you have people with no experience in making things more efficient when margins are lower, so the cuts are generally in the wrong place. It's all due to a lack of experience or even the ability to manage budgets and risk properly which is incompatible with a high risk gambling mentality.

The result is that you have lots of people with no experience and no contribution getting high paying jobs not doing much, and this lasts for a while before the company is really able to weed these people out. People with real skills and experience are surrounded and outnumbered by these types. It's hard to fix. It actually requires a dramatic culture change which is a very hard thing to pull off in companies that have been enjoying very big revenues and have people involved who developed egos over this and can't let go.

One good thing comes from this. It means there's a lot of gaps in the market for companies that can offer a better product with lower overhead. We'll see both this happening, and the big players merge and consolidate to get some efficiency gains.

upvoted mostly because all the big words and shit

This the one of the most hilarious posts on Reddit I've ever seen. Congratulations on the system you have built up, I have no shame in saying I am very jealous. What kind of stuff do you sell? How does no one realize that all of a sudden some equipment is gone?

All sorts of shit. Even gaming shit that was brand new. Wireless access points, zip drives, zip disks (hundreds of them) barcode scanners. anything that can fit in a shoe box, since it's less likely to be noticed when using the casino mail system to send it out.

althought, I have pushed 2 computers and 4 monitors on a cart, right out to my car though. I laughed all the way home on that one. Then I convinced my boss I needed a new computer and he let me take THAT ONE home too, so I have 3 computers at home

This is ridiculous I couldn't stop laughing.

I'm crying right now, holy shit. I want a picture of the OP to make my desktop background permanently.

I have a pic of me drunk as a fucking bitch at a slot machine when I was "working nights"

i'd love to post it....god i'd love to post it...

The best part is your boss is reading this and just doesn't give a fuck. Goddamn I need this job.

well in all fairness i was reading some of it to him. i dind't want him to know that i steal all that shit so i didn't link him. he knows about some of it...

Do you ever worry that with all the cameras in the casino, you might ever be caught stealing?

i may be an idiot sir, but there is one thing sir, that I'm not, and that sir, is an idiot.

i believe in hiding shit right out in the open. worked for me for years on many different things. if it looks like your'e taking a pc to a new employee, then you probably are. i always have 2 backup stories though

Do I work for you?

nobody works for me...i'd be FUCKED if someone figures out who I am

You should probably stop getting so specific, then. There's a ton of information in here where, if anyone from your casino happened to read it, it would be easy to identify you, or at least arouse suspicion (unless this was all a giant troll-post, in which case nobody would care).

well i'm trying to remain true to the spirit of IAmA and answer honestly, plus luckily the incompetence of the executives far outweighs my own. However, I will heed your advice and scale back the specifics. Nobody really knows about my failures. Even my boss I keep in the dark and he doesn't care. Until he just read this thread.

He said he was going to do "IAMA BOSS OF A WILDLY incompetent network security admin" but then he said he'd rather do nothing.

You might want to delete the story about the sophos-av+firewall screwup then.

nah, that part isn't know to anyone outside of the IT department. They think sophos with a red X means its working.

Does your casino keep important financial data on internet connected computers? If so, what's your IP and what are some programs you don't keep up to date?

should I sell our internal network info? any bidders?

• What's your favourite time waster? I'm getting to the point at my job where I'm running out of things to occupy myself with while working other than reddit, tv shows, and civ4.

• Closest you've come to ever getting fired?

Other than that, good job. It's nice to know I'm not the only getting paid to do dick-all.

great questions.

1) favorite time waster changes all the time. running through all the memes and reddit links certainly is a big chunk of it. but I have a bit of ocd where I like to personalize shit, for instance, I spent weeks downloading and trying apps for my android phone and weeks trying gadgets on my google/ig so everytime a new program comes out that I like i can easily waste 3 days fucking around with it. skins or whatever.

also i watch alot of tv at work.

2) this is a tough one to answer...I dont think the executives know this per se, so I dont think I"m giving too much away...fuck it anyway.

Last year, during a BLOOD BATH of lay offs was when I was moving into this new position, but was still in the old position that I convinced them was no longer needed. they took that to mean to just get rid of me and dont let me move positions. My awesome boss intervened and actually served up 2 people (complete dead weight people..much like I am now) in place of me. they lost their jobs (believe me, they didn't deserve them) and I was able to stay.

I'm not saying I deserve this job now. back then, I was actually going to take this network security thing seriously, but then my boss stopped teaching me shit and a new dexter season started and the rest is history. I will be the first to say I dont deserve this job now, so I doubt I'll make the next round of cuts...

Thank you for inspiring me to sign up for this site!

Please tell us the worst computer disasters that have happened on your watch and how you fixed them or got out of the blame!

this thread is EPIC!!!

p.s. probably not a good idea to post your pic!

hrmm...worst disaster...

oh ok, here's one. i changed the network settings on our webserver. now the fucker refreshes to the wrong dns every 5 minutes and the website goes offline and people can't book rooms. I dont know how to fix it, but i learned that if i disable and re/enable the network card it works again..for 5 min. so that went on for a whole week where the website would go offline and i blamed the vendors and then i googled how to make ascript to refresh the nic properties every 30 seconds and that's been running good for nearly 2 years :)

[deleted]

oh trust me, the next guy is going to just format everything and start over. i can promise you that.

Niiiiice.

not really. I mean, sure it's wonderful spending 7 hrs on reddit and youporn all day, but deep in the back of my mind, I know I should be using this time to actually learn the job so I can come out and make $45/hr or whatever. This place will not be here in 2 year. I just know it.

You watch porn at work?? I'm assuming this also means you jack it there too?

what part of INCOMPETENT DONT YOU UNDERSTAND!?

I'd say on average, i jerk it in my bathroom about 4 times a week

[deleted]

shit, i have so many stories that I just can't tell or it will give me away...

wait no i have it.

without saying what i was doing, alot of times I'll convince the bosses I have to work nights to repair something. I'll come in on thursnight so I get friday off (3 day weekend) and sit here and take vicodin and drink like a fish and watch movies. I do it all the time.

I was going to get mad at you but for $18 per hour keep on trucking. I would expect >$30 per hour for real work.

you know what's sad? i think i'm underpaid. I would expect $30/hr for what I do...and no, i'm not joking.

think about it. they dont KNOW i'm worthless, so why would they pay me like i'm worthless? They should pay me based on what the job pays...i'm getting shafted here

Have you tried asking for it? They're probably paying you what you'll put up with.

i've been told so many times theres no more money to give...i can't get too specific as to why i know its bullshit tho

Dude, hire me! I'm very good at looking competent.

no way. you'll give away my secret

I had a job like that once. I literally did NOTHING. Given, I only worked there part-time while I was in school, but I did absolutely nothing. I came in early in the morning, was gone around lunch.

I would take anywhere between 5 and 8 smoke breaks, continually leave my work area in excess of a full hour, go to "lunch" at 11:30, not clock out, come back at 1:30 and then clock out and go home. But hey, my boss was going to lunch with me! I always had opportunity to do something productive or teach myself something new, but instead I just socialized with my co-workers and did nothing.

It was awesome.

yah. i feel shamed that I really dont feel shamed