Tomorrow I will officially become a 40 year old virgin. Ask me anything.

Happy birthday!

Thanks!

What did you wish for?

Another season of Firefly.

Edit: Wow. Reddit really likes Firefly.

Well great, you told us what you wished for and now it isn't going to come true. =(

As if it was even a possibility. :(

I had my unreasonably high hopes.

Duke Nukem is coming out... Anything can happen!

Ah! I have to see it first.

High Firefly in the skyyyyy, hopes. ♫♪

I can go twice as high. ♫♪

Wait that's not correct...

He also told us why he's a virgin...amirite?

[deleted]

But you didn't specify if you were a virgin or not so we don't know if your comment was relevant.

What are you a virg.. oh

Yeah another season for Firefly would be awesome.

I am no gorram virgin!

Wait. No, actually I am.

You've got a good sense of humour dude. Do you ever chat with chicks?

edit: I've read more of your responses now, and I get you don't want to.

Chat live? No. Chat online? No...I think. Maybe I did but the username didn't give that up.

Put this on craigslist. With almost zero effort, I'll bet some chick will sleep with you just to say she popped a 40 year old virgin's cherry.

Seriously.

And as a bonus, you'll get an STD!

What am I waiting for?

[deleted]

This is a valid point. "Peeling the banana" would be much more fitting.

In my experience virgins put sex on a pedestal, once you have it once you realize it's not that big of a deal. Don't get me wrong, it's awesome, but it's not like anything is really different after you lose the big V.

"Sex and money are the most important things only for the people who don't have them" - very paraphrased Charles Bukowski.

Isaac Newton was a virgin

So was Nikola Tesla. High five!

So was Bill Clinton.. and then he turned 12.

Also Sherlock Holmes.... ;-)

And Dumbledore!

How do you know? Him and Grindelwald were pretty close.

Not to mention that "wands" were probably touching.

[deleted]

That doctor and I could probably be friends. I don't know if I have quirks or anything, but I can relate.

My interests lay on the geeky side, but not outrageously so. I don't go around donning Star Trek T-Shirts, cosplay at conventions or argue with people whether Star Wars 1-3 sucked a lot or a whole lot. The only setback of my personality socialization-wise is that I am completely uninterested about the mundane, so the only way to engage me in conversation is to talk about the topics I am interested in. Failing that, I clam up. I really don't have anything to add to the conversation. This basically eliminates the vast majority of everyday people.

How do you feel about going out on a Friday night and putting yourself out there, so to speak?

I don't go out on Friday nights. It would be very awkward.

You should probably look into that. 'The Mundane' is described here as that which doesn't interest you-- try thinking outside yourself. Try seeing what small-talk is for: the pop music of social interaction. Easy to do, enjoyable, and a route to better and broader. Recognize that the greatest and most wise men (Socrates, Hume) were renowned for their social interaction and had many, many friends. Hume in particular. If the deepest humans to ever exist managed to handle people in all their mundanity, they may have something figured out that you don't. Try thinking of and for others.

Edit: Also, please recognize how profoundly mundane the life is of a 40 year old virgin IT guy must sound to basically everybody. Now imagine he's telling you he is above your not suitably exciting or intellectual existence.

[deleted]

[deleted]

I think the real question is are you willing to make the effort to learn to talk/ hold a conversation with people from differing interests?

It simply depends on if you care, for instance when i ask my older brother why he doesn't go with me to meet with friends, go out to eat and stuff all he says is he isn't interested.

If you are interested, then its really not a hard thing to learn, if you aren't then it is definitely not worth the effort.

Just something to think about.

Thing is, during small talk tons of communication is taking place. What happens is that the content of the conversation becomes secondary, and emphasis is on everything else... sensations that you convey through your discourse, tonality, body language, eye contact... He doesn't enjoy small talk because to him, the content is everything. He's terrible at communicating, and that is very important in a relationship.

Also the be yourself advice is quite true, because if you fake it, people will eventually (usually pretty fast) see through your persona and feel cheated. Doesn't mean everybody will like you regardless of how you are. The solution is, change.

it demonstrates to me that you can't really be yourself and have someone appreciate who you are.

I wish more people could understand this. It drives me nuts to hear shit like, "be yourself bro, that's all you need."

Wanna fuck?

With an username like that this can't go wrong.

Ridding the world of virgins, one internet site at a time.

Good luck.

It's a thankless job.

only 4 340 407 to go

I wish to become your sidekick. Train me in your ways.

This'll get lost in the sea of comments, but it needs to be said.

You really have no idea what you're missing.

Once you experience the soft touch of a woman, or the intense emotions involved when falling in love with another person, you'll look back on this AMA and ponder if it was a different person who wrote it.

My thoughts exactly. This whole IAMA is putting the focus on the sexual side of relationships, however it seems that A-Gyno has no interest in developing a deep emotional or intellectual bond with a woman... or maybe with anyone whatsover.

That's another boatload of good stuff he's missing out on.

Most these IAMA's are about the physical aspects with the posters whining about how they hate everything about women but their bodies. Im not a girl but if I was I would be terribly offended by this crap from ppl that are making assumptions with zero experiences to back em up

Why aren't you interested in meeting women and talking to them? Are you curious about what the other half of the human race has to say? We do think differently and can be quite interesting- and it doesn't all have to start with small talk.

On another note- I am also a virgin (at 22 going on 23) and hey it's not that bad.

Happy Birthday :-)

Why aren't you interested in meeting women and talking to them?

It just never happened. I don't actively avoid women.

On another note- I am also a virgin (at 22 going on 23) and hey it's not that bad.

You're still young, though. Being a female, at least you don't really have to be proactive.

Happy Birthday :-)

Thanks!

Ask her out.

What for?

Oh, wait. Right. The virginity.

[deleted]

Spending most of my time with computers and being an asocial prick helps.

I like to call it IT Aspergers.

In IT it's not as hard as you think. No women at the work place, probably no hobbies that occur where there are women, no active engaging random people on the street. Basically, if you have only certain interests, you might never bump into a woman anywhere. You'll only meet them at counters of supermarkets and such.

Pretty much my life.

You don't sound particularly unhappy about it. Brave front or genuine nonchalance?

Genuine nonchalance, at least for now. My biggest fear is to change my mind when it will be too late, say 50 or 60. Maybe at that point I will be forced to switch to the brave front.

Well, I don't think it's ever too late. On the other hand (if that's the phrase I want), why wait? Sounds to me like you fear rejection. But so does everyone else on Earth. Good luck to you, anyway.

I don't think he has the same driving factors we do for seeking sex/relationships. All of his knowledge on the subjects comes from external observation. He, quite literally, does not know what hes missing.

If rubbing your nuts in salt and slapping a monkey in the face with them was the best thing ever, and you had never done it before, you might wonder how cool it would be, but you wouldn't really feel like you were missing anything because of how ignorant you would be to the pleasure. I imagine sex to him is like slapping a monkey in the face with salty balls.

Great. Now I kinda want to slap a monkey in the face with salty balls.

[deleted]

[deleted]

An IT guy that cant get laid. Who ever would have imagined.

What was your closest call to having a relationship, or at least getting laid?

I never had any kind or call, close or far. I am not kidding when I say that I probably never ever talked to a woman on a personal level in 10/15 years.

Would you like to?

Probably, but just like I would like to have 2% of body fat or speak Japanese. It's not impossible, but the effort required doesn't justify it.

That was my seemingly-too-subtle way of proffering a personal conversation. May I ask what state you live in?

It was either too subtle, or I am too clueless. I'd lean towards the second option.

I am in Florida.

Note: the_girl is probably a 43-year old man who teaches high school band.

...and thus, another door closes.

Girls are humans with similar interests. Conversations with them can be as rewarding as conversations with any other person.

I never had an extensive conversation with a woman, so I'll take your word for it.

do you still look at pornography, masturbate and do all that stuff that men normally do? If so, how often are we talking about...once a month, a year, at all?

I look at pornography 3, maybe 4 times a week. I do masturbate more or less once or twice per session. So around 20 times/month.

I think the reason you're not actively looking for a relationship is because it'll feel like you're betraying yourself.

I'm a female. If you ever want to chat online, just to talk, pm me and I'll give you my IM.

how many ppl msged you pretending they were him?

LOL, nobody, actually.

Hopefully your username is not indicative of your weight.

God no, lol.

Does it bother you?

I never thought much about it. Generally speaking I spend most of my time with a computer, either for work or for personal stuff, so I don't get exposed much to our over-sexualized society which makes people like me generally feel like losers.

Hitting 40 elicited some introspection, though. My current feeling is "puzzled". It prods my mind enough to grant the matter more than a passing thought, but I have yet to figure out the bits and pieces of it to understand the significance.

So...do you think you'd feel the same introspection right now had Judd Apatow made "The 45-Year-Old Virgin"?

Good question. Possibly I wouldn't have.

Hey, happy birthday! Try to look on the bright side - a single guy in IT that has never had the expense of a SO.. I bet you have loads of cash!

edit: This sounds pretty chauvinistic, so allow me to clarify - the aforementioned expenses of the SO would include the costs of settling down. Typically a wedding, a bigger house, cars, kids, vacations, etc. Omit these things and most guys would bet set financially by their 40's.

Thanks!

Yes, I do have a lot of disposable income, the majority of which goes to savings. One upside of my situation.

What are you saving for?

No, that's it. The end game is to have the most cash at the end.

Isn't it?

House with land to plant trees and vegetables, far enough from the city to be peaceful and clean but not so far as to be without utilities. Perhaps also raise animals, although I doubt I would have the gall to slaughter them.

If being a virgin really bothered you, you would have seen an escort by now. Perhaps most people can't comprehend your current situation, but life isn't a "one-size fits all" thing. I guess I would just accept it and not let it rob you of the other things you enjoy. I doubt there's anything wrong with you, but it's against what media/society tells us is normal, so there's that pressure. Have you thought about seeing a counselor? Have you told your close friends?

Have you thought about seeing a counselor?

No, because I feel fine.

Have you told your close friends?

No, we never talked about it. I am pretty sure they know, but are gracious enough not to bring the topic up.

Do your parents know?

What do they think either way about your never being in a relationship?

Do they assume you're gay?

Do your parents know?

I'm pretty sure they do, but are not 100% certain because I don't live with them anymore. Although all in all I could move back in.

What do they think either way about your never being in a relationship?

We never talk about it. My mother occasionally ribs me about the fact that I am so beautiful & smart, and yet I have yet to give her a grandson. But the conversation dies there, luckily. When I was younger (teenager) she was much more aggressive in that regard, going insofar as giving me condoms when I traveled abroad, and going mad when I refused. I am not kidding.

Do they assume you're gay?

No, I don't think so.

Your parents should know better than give you condoms if they want a grandson.

Sorry, badly worded. I meant when I was a teenager, of course. It would be pretty damn awkward if she did that with her 40 year old son.

[deleted]