I’m Arianna Margulis, creator of @butlikemaybe. I was dumped for interfering with a boyfriend’s meditation schedule, in Central Park. Now I’m a full-time illustrator. AMA

There's a lot of criticisms towards your book saying it idolizes or at the very least overly romanticizes the toxic nature of dating and the crazy things infatuation does. While I can see were they might be coming from, I personally believe you're just being a human sharing their experiences for others in a creative manner and are pretty self aware of your own crazy mishaps. How do you respond to some of the these criticisms addressed towards your work?

I would say that I don't idolize it -- I'm very plainly saying in the book that what I did was NUTS ha. I'm literally telling people not to do these things, because of the pain it caused me. But also sharing experiences, like you said, so that in case people do -- they can have someone to relate to who is cool with embarrassing themselves on a public level. :)

What’s your best post break up advice?

this may sound harsh but I like to give myself a time limit to be sad. Like ok -- i will allot myself x amount of time to wallow and eat ice cream, but then its time to buck up and get back out there. Why waste any more of your precious time on them!?

i know this may sound harsh but i like to give myself a time limit to be sad. Like ok I will allot myself x amount of time to wallow and eat ice cream, but then its time to buck up and get back out there!! Dont waste any more of your precious time on them !

any advice for trying to survive dating in nyc???

look it at as a fun experiment. There are soooo many people in nyc -- I think my main problem was I was always HUNTING for a husband. Just enjoy everyone you meet as an experience to know what you don't want - or what you do ! Dating in new york is crazy but fun. New restaurants bars activities etc. Think of yourself in your own romantic comedy tv show -- each date is a new episode !

Whats your favorite nyc restaurant? For dates or otherwise?

I love rintintin and epistrophe in nolita for date nights -- super casual downtown but festive vibes. snuggly and delicious - and not tooo pricey. great cocktails too which is a must for me :)

Are you ever going to bring back Drawing with ButLikeMaybe?

Those helped me get through my Sunday hangovers.

haha i really should thats a great point! and I was also usually really hungover when I did them. Ok noted im on it.

Hi Arianna! Long time follower/fan. I was at your book signing in NYC a few weeks ago. It was so awesome to meet you!

A question I had from the signing that I didn’t get a chance to ask, was about the character, ButLikeMaybe. Is she ever going to “age” so-to-speak?

Thats a great question and I think about that all the time!!! I think maybe when I'm ready to grow up, she will. I am still a bit lost, and I think she is too. Maybe when I'm confident enough in a different phase of life youll see it come through! Shes very personal and often mirrors what I'm going through. and thank you so much for coming to the signing! xx

thats a great question and I think about it all the time!!! I think that perhaps when I'm ready to grow up, she will. I think I'm still a bit lost, and so is she. Shes so personal to me that she often mirrors what I am feeling. Not ALWAYS, but often. So maybe when I'm feeling confident enough in another phase of life, she will be too !

ps thanks for coming to the signing ! yay! xx

Are you still living the single life?

its very complicated haha -- but yeah my main man right now is my dog Waylon.

I was dating a man who told me he wanted a "non-traditional relationship." I figured it meant open, which I was down with. When we split, he told me it was feeling monogamous. Did he just not want a relationship to begin with?

Well it takes two people to make something seem monogamous. Sounds like he has his own insecurities about being with someone in general- monogamy or not!

What made you come up with the “what are we” pyramid?

Im always wondering WHAT ARE WE in relationships, so I was thinking about the different steps and levels. Like what does 2 dates mean? what about 8 dates? Sometimes I laugh at myself when I say that a guy and I are "together." What does that even mean? When I think about it, nothing besides the top REAL RELATIONSHIP is valid haha

Hi, love your comics! Are you on the apps? What's your craziest experience with someone being nothing like what they seemed like online?

I had a guy once show up who was married ! him and his wife had an open relationship, and he mentioned sometimes they liked to menage a trois. Do you -- but i think perhaps he should have mentioned it before we went to drinks hahaha

You are an English major so what are your favorite books?

I love graphic novels actually -- mostly because I'm visual and have a short attention span. Im currently obsessed with Snotgirl and paper girls !!!

Arianna Margulis, don't you feel you missed a perfect reference not naming your book All Men Must Date?

haha it would be a nice reminder!!! great idea

How do you handle getting ghosted? Do you ghost back in an attempt to save dignity or confront them about it?

If you get ghosted, I would say let it go. Disappear back. Why would you want to talk to someone who doesn't want to talk to you!!! UNLESS you see them IRL somewhere, then I give full permission to say something snarky when youre face to face. Like OH NICE SEEING YOU!

do you have any pre-date meditations or rituals? dancing to a specific song? using a specific brush? wearing a specific pair of socks?

I have a lucky lip gloss (: I have been using it for YEARS. praying it doesnt get discontinued. And I always dance around to music while i get ready.

Hi Arianna, love your comics! Can’t wait to get your book flown half the world away to me 🥰🥰 Simple question, what is your way to move on? Especially someone special.

omg thank you !!! I cant wait either!

thats so hard. because every scenario is different. but what I have to tell myself at the end of the day when something isnt working is that you cant force it. you cant force someone to care about you, and likewise, you shouldnt force yourself to stay in a relationship based on "shoulds." I always like to think back to a time when I thought a relationship ending was the end of the world. Then I think, oh wow, I guess it wasnt because here I am now! and I probably will be again. You just have to look at it all as experiences, and be ready for your next one, and get excited!

How do you get out of a date when you know immediately it's not going to work? Do you just smile and suffer through it??

I always say suffer through one drink. thats plenty polite. then say you have to be up early! or you have a big presentation the next day.

What was your worst experience dating a semi famous person or public figure in the fashion industry?

i think always feeling insecure - especially when I was younger. Dating people in the spotlight can be difficult if you dont understand their world. I dated someone once who was on a huge tour, surrounded by models, and I would just wait by my phone worrying. Even if I had nothing to worry about! I would just spin out of control, creating things in my brain. You have to be secure with yourself and the relationship. And remember- its their job to do this stuff !

i luuurve your book! your writing is so great - have you ever thought of writing for tv shows/comedy/comedians?

that would be a dream !!! and thank you ! maybe one day it could happen. I always think trying standup comedy and embarrassing myself could be fun

Do you meditate?

I have tried in the past! i have sleep problems and thought it could help. I love the headspace app. but to be honest im a little to spastic to dedicate myself and try to make a habit of it.

What's your most "Only in NYC" story?

oof. I dated an actual gorgeous prince once who lived in a hotel. Like what? only in NYC. I thought he was fabulous, until I discovered the relationship didn't involve kissing. only sex. zero intimacy.

I have no questions. I’m just a big fan of your IG and wish I discovered you during my single dating nyc life!

hahaha thank you angel !! well im happy youre happy now and you dont need my madness and you can just enjoy it as entertainment :)

omg thank you angel !!! haha well im glad you can enjoy it as entertainment and that you are happy!! xx

How did you survive Valentine's Day this year?

i did things to make me feel good -- got all dressed up in a new outfit and went out for drinks-- took some selfies haha. It was also blessedly a Friday, which made it easier to just be out and with friends :)

I HAVE TO KNOW...who was the prince?!

LOL I wish I could say....

Do you ever just get burnt out from dating and take breaks?

i take time to go off the apps and just live. and then the funny thing is then i will meet someone fun IRL. its always when youre not thinking about it you know? But no matter if im dating or not, I think its so important to have nights that are reserved for friends. Nights where you just let loose! Sometimes its ok to let love find you!

Any advice for defining the relationship???

my advice is - if you have to ask - you already know. ive had to tell this to myself many times. if someone wants to be in a relationship with you, they will let you know they want you all to themselves! hard to face, but true.

What color is your toothbrush?

purple but i wish pink tbh

Hi arii - long time fan and proud owner of one of the probably first books that shipped to Europe :) I dont think you ever directly mentioned it but uber curious to know - What is your take on having sex on the first date? Would it happen to you, and if not, is it inherently wrong and to be avoided - what is your take on that?

<3

omg that makes me so happy!!!

ok so I do not have sex on the first date- but not because of "shoulds" or "should nots" but because i think i really enjoy a buildup of sexual tension. it makes when you first start dating more exciting and fun. I cant lie and say that its never happened -- but its definitely not wrong!!

Hi! I was in an almost 4 year long relationship - how does one get used to being/living alone? How do I find a damn hobby? Haaaaha

Love you and ButLikeMaybe. Genuinely made me so happy when you reposted an Insta I posted a few weeks ago ☺️☺️

awww baby ! what makes you happy? like what is it that when youre doing it, you forget about everything else? also I live alone and love leaving the tv or a podcast on as company haha. I also got a dog which has changed my life, but a lot of responsibility. I have friends that foster dogs too from time to time which is a fun way to keep busy. Also, when living alone you have to force yourself to schedule. make plans. be the friend that reaches out for drinks or dinner! when youre busy - you have less time to think about the other stuff :)

Is it always easier to survive and thrive as a creative if you’re an attractive person? Or did you have to learn how to live with it and accept it along the way?

Not asking to stir the pot, just honestly curious. I’m a good looking guy, but struggle with owning it and allowing myself to benefit from it through my career as a creative

I think a lot of us creatives are deep down insecure no matter what we look like, so we tell how we feel through our art. I would say it goes up and down for me -- but i think even supermodels go through pain and rejection. its all about how you feel about yourself in the inside. Ive had a constant struggle being happy with myself and what im doing (lots of that in my new book haha) and I think that its actually helped with my creative process as therapy. And now that im making something im proud of, i feel better about myself :) and i think you will too ! As far as owning your looks -- everyone has something special about themselves... and you gotta use what you got honey!

What are the proper ways to publish a book?

you have to create a book proposal, (sort of like an outline, book report!) and find a literary agent to help you submit to publishers!

Who in their right mind would dump you? Seriously.

hahaha you are too kind. but if you read my book - im kind of insane. and I did some pretty creepy stuff for love haha

How to transition from a relationship to a marriage? Thoughts maybe?

hmmm... that one i would have to say is all on a personal timeline. some are ready right away, some need years! whats important is to just be on the same page about what you both want in life. career, kids etc. :)

have you ever thanked him for pushing you into living your dreams?

i havent ! In my book I talk about a particular evening run in with him (haha) but sadly we havent spoken since. I probably should thats a great point! haha

People are going to trash me for this but here I go....How do I handle my husband buying me a Valentine’s Day gift from CVS?

hahahaha. you tell him that next year you want something more thoughtful. not expensive... THOUGHTFUL.

This girl is damn gorgeous. Where are all the pretty girls like this, I mean who gets dumped by someone for interfering with their mediation session?

haha well thank you !!! sadly, im sure it was just an excuse -- and he just didnt like me. shrug emoji

Why were you dating him in the first place?

lol. i was obsessed with the idea of love. so ofthen I thought guys were "good on paper" and just liked the idea of a relationship. I mean he specifically was good to me in the beginning too I cant deny it -- and we had chemistry -- but ultimately we were not a match haha