Ronald "Ron" White

What do men like on their pie that they don't like on their pussy?

Crust.

I figured you'd want a short one.

I didn't wing it.. I just did some of the better jokes twice!!

Bill Hicks.

On my rider, there's - it's almost nothing. Because we eat after the show, I bring my tequila. So there's some water, Diet Coke, regular Coke, and root beer. That's about it. I'm not very demanding at all. I used to ask for a lot of stuff in the green room, and then we'd leave it all, so I thought it was wasteful and stupid and quit doing it.

Roseanne is the only one that was funny Kathy is not Lisa so I would fuck her and...I would kill Lisa Lampanelli but I would have to stand in line to do it!!!!!

You still can't fix it.

My favorite cigar is the Montecristo number 4 Cuban...I got like a kinda smaller cigar. But the Dominican cigars are fantastic, the Nicaraguan cigars were fantastic. Probably 10 years ago, the Cubans were so far ahead of everyone, but everyone's catching up now. Davidoff makes great cigars. They make a cigar that has my name on it. They don't sell it, they just make it and send it to me.

Nobody gets free shit like rich people!

Yes I drink real scotch on stage... The $5 special is the best way to get it to my fans without Walmart or Universal Music getting a cut...Louis C K made this business model possible.... We r eliminating the middle man.... Its the new wave...

This proves what I said about not always having a black suit and scotch.. Do not look for this look to come back any time soon even though at the time it served me pretty well.... "Mucho chicks..I was throwing a lot of dick!!

No.

Not even close.