Hi, I'm Drew Goddard, director of The Cabin in the Woods, Ask Me Anything

When can I buy myself a collapsible coffee mug bong?

Every single day I tell Lionsgate to start manufacturing collapsible coffee mug bongs. Please help me and call them nonstop until this happens. Tell them Drew sent you.

are you planning on doing a prequel?

PLEASE DO A PREQUEL.

THEN DO A PREQUEL FOR THAT ONE.

Okay.

Maybe show how all the creatures got put into the cubes?

Sure.

This isnt a question. But please keep making movies. Sci-Fi has taken a huge plunge recently and new directors/writers like you give me hope.

Sounds good.

How stunningly handsome is Chris Hemsworth in person?

You actually can't look directly at him. You have to punch a hole in a shoebox like with eclipses.

All right, gang. Sad to say we must now part. Thank you for all the questions. I'll remember this text-based chat forever. It was like playing Zork, but with more me.

Drew

Loved Cabin. Any plans for a spin off show on HBO or Showtime? Would love to see a show set in the "office" with a different monster of the week and how they handle it.

Do you work for HBO or Showtime? Because if so, sold. Let's do it.

What is writing with Joss Whedon like?

Every time he writes a new line, he screams, "Daddy did it again!" and then spikes a football at me.

Must take y'all awhile to get some work done, but at least it sounds like fun.

It's super annoying, I'm not gonna lie. I'm pretty sure he doesn't even know what a football is. He yells things like "Three pointer!" and "Hole in one!"

Was it a conscious decision to throw in some of the L4D infected as an easter egg or was it more of a random monster that came up that you figured you could use?

We actually were going to do a downloadable L4D2 expansion pack, where you'd fight in the Cabin world, but then MGM went bankrupt so the delay squashed it. But the people at Valve were still cool enough to let us use some of their monsters to fill the cubes in the background (I had a lot of cubes to fill.)

This is the greatest thing I've ever read.

By the way -- the game was gonna be amazing. You were gonna be able to play in both the upstairs "Cabin in the Woods" world and the downstairs "facility" world with all the monsters. Believe me, I HATE all video games based on movies, they always suck, but porting Cabin into Left For Dead felt like the right fit. It pains me that it didn't happen.

If you had to choose one monster from Cabin to maim/torture and kill you, which would it be and why?

Sexy Witches. Do I really need to explain further?

Yes.

Edit: Please

They're sexy.

Thanks for the reply!

Quick follow-up question: Which monster would you be most terrified of if someone were to threaten you with death by a CitW monster?

I hate The Suffocators. I didn't even like being on set with them.

The Suffocators aren't listed on the official Cabin in the Woods Wikia (http://thecabininthewoods.wikia.com/wiki/Monsters). What did they look like?

You can see them on the nine-bank when we're pulling out for the final chaos in the control room shot. There's a guy wrapped in plastic suffocating another man.

Drew, Would you be willing to tell the story of all how the monsters got into their cubes?

Yes.

What was the reaction of the suits at MGM when they first saw the film? Any ridiculous feedback you got from them? I read they wanted to add 3D which makes me think they didn't really get it and were to scared to release it.

edit: By the way, you made a brilliant movie. Congratulations.

They were incredibly supportive, I have to say. The 3D conversation is pretty much par for the course on every movie these days. If it was up to the studios, every single movie would be 3D. They just make more money that way.

If you had to fight a dinosaur to the death in a Dinosaur Death Match using only primitive weapons and not allowed to set traps, what's the biggest dinosaur you think you win against? You don't have to name a specific dinosaur, just give us a size reference.

Great question. Here's how I envision it going down. I step into the DinoDome, shirt off, and then get down on my knees and close my eyes and calm myself, Qui-Gon style. Then the biggest Tyrannosaurus Rex you've ever seen comes rampaging into the Dome, teeth like sabers, gnashing and ripping and eating everything in sight. It charges right at me, I dive right into its mouth, rip out its esophagus, spring forth out of out of the T-Rex like Athena exploding from Zeus, hold the esophagus up to the T-Rex's nose because its sense of sight is not particularly good, and I say "Smell that? That's what losing to me smells like."

Follow up question: Do dinosaurs have esophaguses?

Follow up question to the follow up question: Is the plural of esophagus "esophagi?"

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Most common mistake: the script's not about anything. It's not enough to have a cool idea; you also need to have something to say.

This movie is the best horror movie I've ever seen. What are your upcoming projects?

Thanks Brian! Upcoming projects still top secret, but hopefully I'll have news soon.

Hi Drew! Love your work (Buffy, Angel, Lost, and of course Cabin in the Woods)! I'm wondering, what would you have chosen if you had been in the cellar?

I would have blown the shit out of that conch.

What easter eggs did you put into the movie that (most) people haven't found yet?

Telling you would be cheating.

Hi and thanks so much for doing this AMA. I have a couple questions for you:

1. Who was your favorite character to write?

2. When writing a TV episode, how much of the episode is you and how much is the writer's room or a creative executive (like Joss Whedon or Marti Nixon) with you supplying the details and exact wording?

3. What was your favorite monster from Cabin in the Woods and then also from all movies or TV shows you have done?

4. What future projects do you have lined up? I am a huge fan of you and Joss Whedon together. Do you have any plans to work together again soon?

5. Can you cast me in something?

1. Spike
2. It differs every single episode, every single show. It's all a delightful bouillabaisse of everyone on staff.
3. I have too many favorites to count. Today, I'll pick the Merman. He shoots blood from his blowhole!
4. Joss and I are always cooking up something. We'll see what happens.
5. Sure.

What was your favorite part about directing the movie?
Any scenes that you hold dear to your heart?
What's next?

To be honest, I hold the whole movie dear to my heart. My favorite part of directing the movie? Watching Fran and Kristen perform that last scene.

You sir, have a sexy name.

Thanks Dad.

Merman or Unicorn?

Mermicorn.

In Cloverfield, what was the connection between Slusho and the monster?

JJ would be very upset with me if I told you that. Also, I don't know.

How many concepts for Monsters were there and how did you decide which ones to put in?

Uh... one shitload*.

I put 'em all in. Then went with my gut as to which ones would be featured.

*technical term.

what are the chances of an apocalyptic sequel? and thanks for an incredible movie.

Thanks corbeau! Heh. I'd say the chances are... 42.

Hi Drew, big fan here.

What's the most important thing you've learned, or most important tool you've discovered, in your years as writer?

Any tips/tricks in your experience that wouldn't otherwise be found in a book on screenwriting?

Thanks for taking the time to do this AMA and I look forward to more work from you.

Most people don't actually write. They talk about writing, they research writing, they worry about how to get an agent, they use words like "I'm networking" but they never actually write anything down. If you can generate content on a consistent basis, you're already ahead of most "writers."

What's your favourite movie?

Blade Runner.

I read on IMDb that your nickname is Ultimate Drew. Does anybody actually call you that? (Not knocking it; it just seems like a mouthful.) If so, how did it come about?

And now for a little fangirling (just a little—I know you’re a busy person): I loved “Cabin in the Woods”—it’s the first piece of your work I’ve ever seen and I was immediately impressed.

I went to see it three different times in three different theatres with three different sets of friends and family members just to spread the love of it (and to enjoy it again for myself). Seeing a film three times while in theatres may not seem like much, but yours is the first film I’ve ever done this for and as a broke, unemployed undergrad that’s a lot of fun-money for me. It was worth every penny. I wish it was still in theatres so I could go see it again.

I love how I was unable to actually explain what genre your film was to other theatre patrons—horror, definitely, but it was also very comedic and the commentary on the horror genre was so smart that I could have fun analyzing it for days.

Thanks for putting so much passion and love into your work; it really shows.

tl;dr: I love the story in “The Cabin in the Woods”—characterizations, plot, etc. were amazing. I admire how you commented on the horror genre without it becoming a parody and while crafting a great story and film.

Hi honilee. Nah, nobody really calls me that anymore, but they did at one point. When I first started writing for Buffy The Vampire Slayer, there was already another "Drew" on staff (the great Drew Z. Greenberg.) So everyone started calling him "Golden Age Drew" and me "Ultimate Drew." (There were a lot of comic book geeks on the staff.)

Thank you so much for your kind words -- I feel like I made the movie only for you.

Since you've worked with both of them, can you be the proverbial glue for a Joss Whedon and JJ Abrams collab? I know they're both relatively busy, but I think we need this.

Those two guys absolutely hate each other. It's like Spy Vs. Spy every time they're together.

Are there a set of monsters you would have loved to have seen tackled as the released creatures instead of the Zombie Redneck Torture Family? Particularly is there something you would have tried but didn't have the technology or budget available to attempt?

Not really. The Buckners were our first choice. Though I'd love to see that ballerina fuck somebody up.

Thanks for doing this AMA Drew! It's easily my favorite movie I've seen this year. I love movies like Scream that make fun of horror movie cliches, but the subtlety and snappy humor of this movie made it stand out that much more. Good stuff all around! :D

So, questions:

1) Who originally came up with the idea for the movie?

2) How hilarious is Fran Kranz in person?

3) Given that both you and Joss wrote it, I was wondering: Who wrote most of the jokes?

1.) Joss. 2.) You wouldn't be able to handle it. 3.) Fran.

Hi Mr. Goddard, thanks for doing this. I unfortunately didn't know your name until Cabin of the Woods, but looking back over your resume I was psyched (although not surprised) that you've written for some of my absolute favorite television programs as well.

My question is about joining a writing team for an already well-established series like Buffy or Angel. What is that experience/process like? Were you a big fan already of those shows? If so, did that help? Did you have to do a lot of research on previous seasons to prepare yourself?

Also, was there a moment in your career you were like, "Okay, I'm probably going to be able to write professionally now and get paid decently enough. Now I feel like I've really "made it" in the industry."...?

Hi Dan, it's my pleasure.

I was the world's biggest Buffy fan, which definitely helped me get on the show. I didn't have to do a lot of research -- watching Buffy and Angel was all I did with my life at that time anyway.

When I turned in my first draft of my first Buffy episode (Selfless), Joss and Marti called me into a room and hugged me and said "Welcome to the family." It was like the world's most effeminate mafia induction ceremony. At that point I felt like I made it.

I dug Fornicus and I was wondering if you had seen the Clive Barker film Nightbreed which shares Cabin's love of all things monster. BTW, Cabin is the Pulp Fiction of the horror genre- a complete game changer.

YES. Nightbreed was a huge influence, and you're officially the first person who noticed that. And thanks!

Joss Whedon Appreciation Club at NYU is showing The Cabin in the Woods tonight! It's one of our favorite movies. (We're making red velvet cupcakes with flags that have each monster from the board on them!)

...But really, I just wanted to say hi and also, you're awesome.

You have no idea how much I wish I was at NYU right now.

Just bought Cabin in the Woods and am about to watch it tonight. Thanks for coming to do this AMA. Some questions:

Where is the sequel to Cloverfield currently at in pre-production?

Who would you love to work with on a film?

What do you consider to be your biggest influences?

As a film student, i always ask the filmmakers: What digital tools/apps do you use?

Also, what is the best advice you can give to young filmmakers/screenwriters?

Where is the sequel to Cloverfield currently at in pre-production?

-- We're still thinking about it.

Who would you love to work with on a film?

-- Carpenter

What do you consider to be your biggest influences?

-- Douglas Adams, James Ellroy, Dashiell Hammett, Gary Larson

As a film student, i always ask the filmmakers: What digital tools/apps do you use?

-- I have a phone. Does that count?

Also, what is the best advice you can give to young filmmakers/screenwriters?

-- Write what you love/Make what you love. Don't stop.

Hi Drew! I loved The Cabin in the Woods -- Especially the numerous Evil Dead references. Were there any I may have missed?

Yes.

What would your ideal sandwich contain?

Hope.

Buffy or Angel. And do be aware, I have a doberman or six in this fight.

I need more information. Character or show?

Show for the most part.

You're gonna get me in trouble. It's really hard for me to choose. I guess I'll go with Buffy. Just because The Body is the greatest hour in television history.

Who would you rather fight: one giant Richard Jenkins, or 50 miniature Bradley Whitfords? Why?

Definitely a giant Jenkins. Trust me, one Whitford is plenty. 50 would be a nightmare.

did the endeavor fly over you today?

YES. But I missed it. Because I was trying to figure out how to verify my reddit chat ahead of time (which I failed at.)

What I'm saying here is, I spill blood for you.

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Yes -- don't worry about selling or pitching your screenplay. It's a waste of time. Just keep writing. When it's good enough, it'll sell.

Hi! Hope you don't mind some random questions. I loved Cabin in the Woods and have talked about it with so many people that it has led to some great discussions. Have you or do you want to write more stories/films like it? How much did H.P. Lovecraft influence the story for Cabin in the Woods? What is your favorite monster in the film? Do you have any writing exercises you’d recommend or any general advice for aspiring writers? Thank you!

Have you or do you want to write more stories/films like it?

-- Yes.

How much did H.P. Lovecraft influence the story for Cabin in the Woods?

-- A lot.

What is your favorite monster in the film?

-- The clown.

Do you have any writing exercises you’d recommend or any general advice for aspiring writers?

-- If you want an agent to read your script, pack it with sex.

I loved the movie and was very surprised with how much I loved it. What are some great horror movies that influenced you?

All of them.

What happened to the whole 3D post conversion? What was the real reason Cabin was delayed so much?

We didn't want to make it 3D. So some arguments took place. And then MGM went bankrupt. So things took a little longer than we hoped.