I am a corporate/commercial pilot; AMA!

Do you jerk the controls around to create "turbulence" when you're bored?

EDIT: The quotation marks moved.

Ok, I'll be honest, I've "negative G'd" somebody. Pitching the plane up, then quickly down to give them a weightless feeling, or negative G load, then back up quickly to enforce a positive G load. It happened once.

Maybe thrice.

Do cell phones really fuck up equipment during take-off/landing?

Edit: let me clarify. This answer was typed in the midst of the AMA commotion, and I've received a lot of flak for it. My answer was meant as a joke, and I realize it did not come across as one.

People, in all honesty and seriousness, listen to your flight attendants. These people get paid to inform you of how to stay safe, and yes, cellphones can actually cause issues. I can't stress enough the fact that FA's are genuinely interested in your safety. Do not neglect that. Sorry all for the haphazardly placed joke.

Do you get discounts on SkyMall?

I pay full price just like you for all my zombie lawn ornaments and doggie bed-ramps.

Are you a member of the mile-high club?

Who's asking? Did you see the card? 6', 175#, green eyes.

1. What's the closest you have ever come to crashing?

2. What's the most common cause of plane crashes?

3. What is your favorite plane to fly?

1. Windshear on short final in hot Texas air when I was training in a Cessna a couple years ago. 50 feet off the ground, with not power in, wind hit us from the side, rolling the plane almost 45 degrees in less than a second. We lost all lift and were moved about 100 feet left of the runway. I corrected with attitude and power, and we recovered almost 15 feet from the ground. It would have been ugly. My instructor called me "Mav". I was a little proud.

2. There are several common causes, but I think they differ for commercial and civilian aviation. Complacency is almost always involved.

3. Of the planes I've flown, the Cirrus SR-22G is pretty neat. It's such a small plane, and you can dart around using the stick and rudder feeling fairly low to the ground. Something you can't do in the airlines.

TIL I can correct all problems with attitude.

Hell yes you can.

Edit: achievement unlocked, GOLD.

This. To dovetail with the first question, what's the biggest emergency you've faced?

Probably my answer to number 1 of the previous question. Although once, I was diverted to another airport because an airplane had just crashed at the one I was heading to.

What kind of defenses do you have in the cockpit to ward of hijackers? Are there specific procedures you must follow if you were to ever encounter this?

My passengers are 99% of the time people I know personally (keep in mind, I'm a corporate guy), so if one of them try to hijack the plane I'll take action myself.

Do you wear aviator sun glasses?

Yes. Also Wayfarers.

How accurate are flight simulators?

They're accurate for some things and horrible for others. We used a sim to practice multi-engine maneuvers when training, and it's nice to get the feel of the flows and controls. However, it's really nothing without the actual feeling of flying. The stuff that goes on in your inner ear that make you react certain ways is impossible to recreate in most sims.

Could you elaborate on what's going on in your inner ear in the air?

Oh man, that's a big question. It would honestly be easier to Google, and it would be much more educational. I'm not at all dissing your question, but that's just a really broad field.

But basically, your body can really lie to you as far was what you feel vs. what is happening.

Do you always remember to thank the mechanics that keep your plane airworthy? We don't get thanked enough :(

I love my mechanic. If your a mechanic, I love you too! I can't take apart these engines, and you're the guys that keep me alive.

What do you consider the greatest piloting feat in commercial airline history?

Obviously when Denzel had to fly a Maddog upside down!

But seriously, I think what Captain Sullenberger did with an airbus was absolutely amazing. Especially considering the fact that everyone lived. That's probably my favorite commercial story.

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They landed with just the throttles, correct? That is seriously my second favorite story.

Why can't they build a giant parachute so that when a plane starts to go down, the wings and fuel tanks disconnect and a HUUUUUGE parachute deploys and floats the fuselage safely down to the ground.

WHY???

Google the Cirrus SR-22 "CAPS" system.

Do you drive fast and aggressive while in your car, then get out next to the plane where attractive attendants are awaiting you, or is that just in commercials?

Because I'm a corporate guy, I always fly right up to the plane.

You fly up to the plane? You take a plane to pilot another plane? That's way cooler than I could have even imagined.

Bahaha, yea I meant drive. Know what? I'm leaving it. I like your style.

What's the biggest Myth/Misconception people have about pilots or the airline industry?

That a lot of us are cocky. That's absolutely untrue.

All of us are cocky.

Do you ever listen to "Danger Zone" while flying?

It comes on Sirius radio every now and then. I keep it on 70's and 80's rock, so I have a better chance of hearing it in the air.

Have you ever had to deal with terrible/rude passengers or flight attendants?

Regional airline pilot here. I deal with rude pax and FA's sporadically, usually more so when aircraft maintenance is needed and/or bad weather arises. For the most part, day to day is pretty uneventful.

I did have an angry Aussie guy get in my face a few weeks ago at the gate after I had just arrived there. He had been on an earlier flight that cancelled due to weather, and he was pretty upset that he had waited 5 hours and still wasn't getting on a plane. He told me he wanted to get on our flight, but when I explained that it was already full from previously booked pax, he stepped in closer to me, like invasion-of-personal-territorial-bubble closer, and asked me if this was the kind of poor service I gave to all our passengers. At that point, I told him a gate agent could help him with any other questions, and he starts yelling at me and following me as I am walking away. The gate agent working the flight had been watching us, and she had called the airport police as a precaution(Later, she told me he had been picking fights with her all day). I hadn't walked 10 steps before an airport cop showed up and made the guy a better person. It was pretty uneventful, really. I was more bummed about meeting a mean Aussiethan traumatized. I thought everyone from Oz was so happy until that day...

Anyways, the most common rude passenger scenario I deal with, usually indirectly, is when they are unwilling to turn off their phones/laptops. The flight attendant usually gets them to turn it off, but if they don't, the FA will call the flight deck, we'll make a PA, and If they still won't comply, we might return to the gate.

Another common angry pax scenario that happens to me quite often is when someone mistakes me for a gate agent, usually asking me about delays or misconnecting flights on bad wx days/our plane breaks. This happens when I walk up to the gate and attempt to use the computer there to check my schedule for re-assignment/status of the broken plane/etc. Angry pax will approach with a very gate agent-y question about seating assignment, flight re-booking, etc and I will explain to them politely that I have no way of answering their question and that they need to find a gate agent. At this point in the conversation, I hope that they will just go find a gate agent to solve their crisis, but sometimes the pax thinks I am lying to them, and they will persist with complaining until I either walk away, or a gate agent miraculously appears.

I could probably avoid the gate scenarios a large portion of the time if I wanted to, but truthfully, I don't mind when passengers ask me questions, even if I can't answer them. Sometimes they ask basic stuff, like what gate they are departing from, or what time a flight departs/arrives, and that's stuff I know how to look up in the computer.

I do see crews that won't answer any questions at all; when a pax walks up, before they even finish talking, they will cut them off and tell them to find a gate agent. Personally, I don't like when I see that. Regardless of how many grumpy people you may encounter at the airport, I think everyone should remember that you have no idea what any given person's circumstances are. They might be going to a funeral. They might not have flown in 20 years and are unfamiliar with the whole process.

Anyways, if you guys want to hear about some grumpy flight attendants, I'll tell you about them too, but give me a day to get to a keyboard. This ipad is wearing me out! Hope this was informative/helpful!

Kudos to you for taking that one! I like hearing stories from the other realms of aviation.

One time, my brother got sick during some turbulence at 24,000 ft and kept asking if we could "just pull over". I ignored him.

I don't deal with flight attendants, but I bet an airline guy could take that question. I have a friend who's had to kick someone off the plane. Rather, he had to tell the stewardess, who then told the air marshal. No trip and no refund.

What is something reassuring that you would say to someone who gets anxious about flying?

"I never fly unless I'm 100% comfortable with the conditions. I am today." Usually, if people know me, this is good enough to coax them onto an aircraft with me up front.

What is your favourite story to tell people about our job? Most interesting thing that happened to you while flying? Thanks for doing this AMA!

I don't really have a favorite story, but I have my favorites for different situations. My favorite "almost crashed" story, my favorite "weather was crap" story, my favorite "gorgeous skies and could see for miles" story. I know this doesn't really answer your question, but that's one of those things that's just hard to pinpoint.

If I had to narrow it down, one of the coolest things I've seen was on a trip to somewhere in Texas, ATC called up and told me to climb 1,000 feet asap for traffic behind me in 20 miles. It was an F-18 on the same route and altitude as me. So I chugged on up 1,000 feet higher, and looking down, I saw a Hornet come screaming by!

Pretty boring question, but how does autopilot work? Is it completely automated, or do you still need to do a lot, or can you just chill out? :)

Depends on the autopilot system, but most of them are very much automated, in which you have to simply switch numbers, knobs, and levers for altitude, speed, attitude, etc.

And have you ever masturbated while the plane was on autopilot?

I have not. There's still too much going on for me to do that. And commonly, I fly planes that do not have an enclosed cockpit. This would be public masturbation... I'm not into that.

How many crappy "Airplane" movie quotes get said to you?

I've gotten the Turkish prison line a couple times, and I'm thinking, "Of all the lines in all the movies, this is your 'go-to'?"

do you call your privates the cockpit?

Negative. I call it The Kraken. Different story for a different day.

I went to the university of North Dakota which as im sure you know has quite the aviation program, and I lived with 3 CFI's at once so I thought I would tell you my favorite joke.

How do you know your out to dinner with a pilot??

They will tell you..... five times.

Did I say I'm a pilot?

If you had your own plane, what would you name it?

What would your dream plane look like, inside and out?

What's the most difficult type of customer/passenger?

Did you always want to be a pilot? If you weren't a pilot, what would you do?

In high school, all my friends decided to name their cars. So I thought all day and night to come up with a cool name for mine. In the morning, we got together to discuss. They came up with "Lazer", "Beast", "Rhino", and "Destroyer". I had settled on "Madeline". So I'll stick with Madeline.

My dream plane would look like a Phenom 300. For what I'd like to do, and for what I'd need, that's absolutely perfect. http://www.executivejetco.com/wp-content/uploads/2011/01/Embraer-Phenom-300.jpg

Different colors though.

The most difficult passenger is one who doesn't want to fly, but they want to let you know that. Sometimes, I'd rather carry boxes than people. Lookin' at you, FedEx.

I used to want to be a Navy SEAL. In college, I decided I wanted to fly. This was literally 50% due to the fact that chicks dig planes, and 50% due to the fact that a friend's dad (Southwest captain) told me he doesn't work a day in his life. He plays.

I'm curious...for someone like your friend's dad (captain for Southwest), what is the most feasible route to becoming a big commercial pilot like that?

Air force experience? Is the industry extremely tough these days to work for a big airline like that flying the big planes?

If you can stomach taking out a large loan, then go to one of the flight school that will get you through quickly with your ratings. Then, it's on to either the instructing side until you can hop onto a regional carrier or the corporate side until you can hop onto a regional or major. It's a game of numbers, the numbers here being pilot in command (PIC) hours and jet time.

How long did you to become a corporate pilot after college?

Also, have you or will you ever fly a 747?

Six months. Keep in mind, I had been flying for 3 years prior to that. I'm still a pretty low-hour pilot, and I was in the right place at the right time. The wait time for a job like mine is generally longer.

Did you pay out of pocket for all your time and ratings? Is it possible to get hired to fly anything without a college degree? I'm a PPL/ASEL who works full time as a firefighter. I've only got around 25 hours PIC time with one year of time since getting my ticket. I'm in a flying club, building hours in the club 172 (at $70 an hour wet BTW) working toward my IFR and hopefully commercial ticket. When I retire from firefighting in 15 years I'm hoping to find any kind of paid gig flying. I'll tow banners, gliders and sling sky divers. I'd really like to maybe ferry aircraft for a broker or something. Any advice for me to steer my future retirement career that direction? Thanks!

I paid out of pocket, and let me tell you, that HURT. But I got all my ratings farily quickly (I started with my private license only, and I ended with commercial, instrument, instructor, the works). For banner towing and sky divers, I'm fairly certain you can get the gig without a college degree. Airline or corporate work would be a very slim chance, unfortunately. It's all about the regulations.

I'm a teenager considering a career as a pilot. As someone who finds flying to be a passion, I'm worried turning it into a job is the quicket way to make me hate it. With an industry that terrible starting pay (~20,000), 16 hour duties, and being forced to sleep in crashpads and eat shitty food, I'm worried I shouldn't make it a career. Flying is something that I immensely enjoy and is a great passion of mine. Should I look for alternatives in the corporate sector? Are the terrible conditions and pay worth the reward of flying? Thanks. I'd like to get in the corporate sector but I imagine it's hard without prior commercial or military experience.

The corporate sector and the military sector are both great ways to get into what is otherwise a grueling start to a career.

I have a friend who's father flew for Southwest for 30+ years, but he started in corporate jobs flying rich guys around. He liked that but wanted to get to the big airlines, and after a couple of years, he went straight into Southwest. If you go from a corporate job to the airlines, the pay increase is huge. If you start in the airlines, it's hard to stay afloat for a while.

I can't really comment on the military side of things.

I can answer any military pilot questions if people have them.

Up vote this for visibility!

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My company pays for everything I do when I'm anywhere away from home. That's a pretty good perk!

One of the pilots on PSA flight 182 (1978 crash in San Diego) had enough time to say just before the crash "Ma, Love you"...what do you think you would say if you knew you were going to crash. Morbid I know but it's reddit.

I've thought about this before, and honestly, I've never come up with a good answer. I think it would just be spur of the moment, whatever my truest feelings were at that time.

How often does something go wrong that would concern passengers if they actually knew about it?

Rarely. If a passenger knew what was going on and understood what the reason was behind it, they'd be calm about it.

Two part: What do you do once you reach the destination? Is the pay enough to be your full time job?

I do anything required of me by the company. This often includes golfing, speaking at conventions, taking people to dinner, snowboarding, or hanging around the hotel and working out.

Yep, it's my full time job. Because I'm sort of a 'utility player' in the company, I get more than what a strict corporate pilot would make.

I'm still not sure I understand exactly what your job is... you fly a plane, and shmooze....? Why does this position exist?

Because people need pilots and people need a good people-person. I happen to be a bit of both. Also, I do work in the office. A bit of a utility player.

Have you ever used the plane to pick up chicks?

Once. I got my current girlfriend that way. So far, I'm batting a thousand with that line.

had any celebrity or big name clients?

Only myself.

1. When you fly on passenger flights, are you critical of the quality of the flight?

2. As a pilot, what are your opinions of TSA screening procedures for passenger flights?

3. Where is you favorite place to fly into in US (or international if you ever do that)?

1. I trust those guys. Generally, wing-watching from the seats won't do anything but worry you, so I have a drink and relax.

2. Anytime I fly on an airline, I get the 'naked x-ray thing' done to me. Every time. I don't mind; I have nothing to hide, and if some guy has to see me naked to get me on my flight, that's ok. But I know this is not the common thought, and I understand that as well.

3. My favorite airport is Denver, CO. The scenery and the landscape is breathtaking (I'm a mountain type of guy).

Can you explain a little bit more on why you get to fly whenever and wherever you want?

I work in the business side of the energy company I'm with. This means I can more or less make my own schedule, so I take clients out and do the 'fun stuff' when I travel. This isn't a normal thing for corporate pilots, and it has more to do with the fact that I'm multi-faceted in the business I'm in.

What would it take to hire you away from your current company, given the same working conditions?

A pool of money deep enough for me to dive into like Scrooge McDuck.

Seriously, I'm way too loyal to my company. I love everything about it and everyone here. There's no chance I'm leaving.

What is the last thing you bought on Amazon?

Carbon arrows for my recurve bow.

What are some things we should look out for while flying? (I.e. different patterns of turbulence or swaying)

Don't answer this one. Ignorance is bliss.

If the flight crew isn't telling me we're about to crash, then everything is fine and I refuse to believe anything else.

This guy gets it.

Is turbulence worse in planes smaller than commercial jets?

Can you use your cellphone all the time?

Definitely, and nope not usually.

What is something from flying that maybe as a passenger would freak me out to experience, but as a pilot isn't a worry at all? Wings wobbling a bit freaks me out some, turbulence obviously, and landing to me is the scariest part cause i'm afraid the plane is going to bounce when it touches down and flip sideways. Can you dispel any of these fears?

The only way to dispel those fears is to trust the pilots you're flying with. Turbulence, wings moving, and landing are all things we deal with on a daily basis. It's a lot like hitting a bump in the road in your car, or pulling into the garage when you get home. Remember that we do this every day. The only reason people are frightened is because you cannot control it yourself.

This was literally 50% due to the fact that chicks dig planes

so...... has being a pilot made the women swoon for you?

It helps that I'm good looking.