Retta relates. Retta here from Parks & Rec: AMA.

The comment was deleted but here's my reply:

When I graduated from college, I was supposed to go to med school. But I also wanted to be an actor. I did plays in high school and college. And never thought anything of it, until I graduated and was living alone and watching television and thinking "I could do this. I could do this." What I really wanted was a sitcom. So I was talking with a friend who was in medical school, and she said "why don't you do standup? Don't all those standup comics get their own show?" So being in North Carolina, not knowing any better, we assumed that if you did standup, you'd get your own TV show. So that's why I started doing standup. I thought I was going to follow in the path of Roseanne, Tim Allen, Drew Carey, Seinfeld, all those standup comics. I thought I was going to do what they did. So I started doing open mics, and did that for a year, and moved to LA and started doing the college circuit. I'd been kicking around in LA long enough that Allison Jones, the original casting director for our show, called me in to audition. And the rest is history.

I watched a set of bloopers from P&R and absolutely DIED when Chris Pratt said the Kim Kardashian cum-on-her-back joke. Has anything compared to that moment on set?

No, that was pretty much in a category of its own. I nearly died when that happened. And then again when it made it onto the internet.

Thank you for being a part of the funniest, warmest show on television. Are you particularly close with any of the other cast members?

Also: this is, hands down, the best interaction I've ever had with Donna.

I would say I'm the closest with Jim O'Heir. We became series regulars at the same time. We share a trailer. And we both gossip like a Brooklyn Jewish mom. But I am also close to Chris Pratt in that I'm obsessed with his baby and I want them to leave him with me every time they leave town.

haha I thought to my self, "who the hell is Jim O'Heir." Oh of course its larry!!!

Dammit Larry!

Poor Jim, no respect.

The only thing I wanted to ask you, when I saw this AMA announcement....how do YOU treat yo' self?

With mani-pedis, designer handbags, and online shopping.

ooOOoo, favorite designer? I'ma Kate Spade gal, myself.

I started off a Coach girl out of college. Then when I took my first european vacation in 1999, I became a Gucci Girl. And about six years ago, I became a Louis girl. But the only Louis I have are from the Vernis line.

Does the storyline of Donna live-tweeting and all that stuff come from the real Retta? I feel like they wrote it in because that's who you are and you are hilarious

That's exactly why they did it.

Hello Retta! Is Jim O'Heir anything like Jerry on the set?

Absolutely not. Jim is the most crass person, dirty-joke telling person I've ever met in my life. Jerry would blanch at anything Jim O'Heir says.

Is Aubrey Plaza really as awkward in person as she seems? What is she like to work with?

I'm currently a parks and recreation major in college so LOVE the show!

She can be as awkward as she seems, but I think she does that because she loves to see people's response to it. But she is also a very sweet girl. And I think people would be surprised by that. I probably should not have told you.

And I didn't realize you could major in Parks & Rec!

Of every cast member in Parks and Rec, who do you think has the best butt? Please give any and every single possible detail.

I would have to say Chris Pratt, now that he's all buff and cock diesel.

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Hmm! I'm torn between Crazy Eyes and Tastee. Tastee makes me laugh at every turn, but Crazy Eyes has some depth that I'm dying to get to know about.

Ha ha! I do not. I wish the Benz people would hook a bitch up.

What is it like working with someone as stoic on the show as Nick Offerman? What is he like off the set?

Nick is very well-read. He is erudite. He is also one of the silliest, goofiest men I've ever met for how smart he is. I've never experienced so many farts with a man who is so well-read.

Thanks so much Retta! He sounds like a fun guy to hang around!

He is, if your stomach is up to it!

When is Donna going to get a romance plot line on P&R? Girl deserves some love (that we get to see, we know she's got many lines in the water.)

Trust and believe that I have been pushing for that.

Again, if I can get Idris Elba on the show, I won't be mad about it.

Donna would eat him alive.

Hee hee! That's the hopes!

Why hasn't Tina Fey been on the show yet? Surely with her friendship with Amy, it'd be fitting... Get Amy on that for me, would you?

Sure. I'm on it.

You were on Conan a while back and talked about how people are surprised that you like opera. Who's your favorite composer?

Also I love Parks and Rec! And I tend to eat soup alone on benches. Thank you for teaching me how to treat my self.

Vivaldi. You're welcome.

Do you think Rashida Jones and Rob Lowe leaving the show will change the dynamic of some of the show? Do you think they'll come back for future episodes? Who would you like to add-in, should those two characters somehow get replaced?

Can I stay in your condo in Seattle?

I think it will change the dynamic behind the scenes because Amy and Aubrey are so close to Rashida, and then obviously it will change onscreen in that Leslie doesn't have her best friend there so you will lose those interactions but I know the writers will find a way to fill that void. I do think they will come back for future episodes. I don't know but I wouldn't be mad if Idris Elba got added to the cast.

Sure, I don't know where it is but if you find it, feel free!

Who are your comedic inspirations? What is your favorite comedy show of all time?

Chris Rock, Tina Fey, honestly right now I'm really into Mindy Kaling, Lena Dunham, Amy Poehler.

Retta, when's the last time you treated yo self? And to what?

Ha! It was Wednesday, and I bought myself the new Louis Vuitton black vernis Alma bag with the matching zippy wallet. I've been waiting six months for it to come in, and it finally came in. And I bought that bitch.

Retta! Hi. You recently finished Sherlock (thank you for live-tweeting that btw), I was wondering what your thoughts/theories/etc. are? Also, did you enjoy it?

The Reichenbach Fall fucked me up. I'm dying to see how it's resolved. And I really, really need to know if he's dead or if he is showing up in Watson's imagination. And I love the show. Cumberbatch can get it.

Hi Retta! If you could choose one actor or actress to join the cast of P&R, who would you pick and why?

Well I would say Ben Schwartz because Jean-Ralphio is such a big part of our show, if he were available to be a series regular, I'm sure they would love him to be. And he is such a great improviser. But if I have to tell people Idris Elba needs to be my boyfriend one more time..

Your singing makes me cry (in the best way) ... where did you study that?? Also Donna seems like a natural for a P+R spin-off ... would you ever do that ?

I started learning signing classical in grade school. Chorus was one of the classes I took, and I just liked it, so I would listen to it when I studied in college, so I just copy it. I did not necessarily train. I know I don't know how to breath properly, but I can hit the notes and mimic, so just listening to it is how I learned classical.

And absolutely.

Hi Retta! What was your favorite scene to film on P&R?

Well the "Pawnee Rangers" episode. I particularly like the scene where Ben comes out in the Batman suit, because seeing Adam Scott in that Batman suit brought so much joy to every molecule in my body it was unreal.

Do I look like I drink water?

You don't.

Retta, which of Tom's abbreviations do you use in real life? I prefer chicky chicky parm parm myself.

I don't know! I can't even remember his abbreviations there are so many.

How frustrating is it that one of the greatest comedies of the new millennium can't crack a large audience? I know we're a dedicated, loyal audience but we also happen to be small.

It's very frustrating, but I feel our biggest fans are internet people. I think people are watching the show online and because they can wait weeks to watch it, they don't get the broadcast numbers one would hope for. But our fan base is way bigger than what they report in the Nielsen ratings.

You're lovely and I get really excited when you start live-tweeting something that I watch. (Orange is the New Black this morning had me cracking UP!)

If you were in Westeros, which house would you want to be a part of?

I'd be a part of any house Joffrey isn't.

You are absolutely the best. You Tweeted to me once and made my day. Donna is one of the top reasons I love Parks and Rec. Treat yoself, beautiful.

Thanks!!

Retta - you are everything. I love the live tweets of all the shows you watch and just die laughing with your hashtag choices. Who hooks you up wardrobe wise? Your style (both on the show and off) is KILLIN it!

Well our casting department dresses me on the show, and I dress myself off the show. I'm like a big internet shopper, so I just scour the internet for shit.

Retta, I know that in the Office, all of the computers were real in order to simulate the environment.

In that same vein, how much do you tweet while you are being Donna Meagle?

Also, what's your favorite emoji? What's an emoji you wish existed?

Never. Not really. Because our computers don't work that well. It's hard to get on the internet sometimes. They used to work in the beginning but the last few seasons our computers have been weird. Plus they hum so if they are shooting in the room they don't want them on, unless they can be seen.

The crying laughing smiley face is my favorite emoji. One with the expression that says "bitch are you out of your fucking mind?"

Your thoughts on Folivia... Olitz... Fitz and Olivia?

Also, Baby Huck... what are we going to do about her?

Also, why is Scandal so amazing?

My thoughts: I can only say that the writing of that relationship is so well-done that I root for it, even though I know it's an adulterous relationship. The actors do such a good job, and Shonda and company did such a good job writing it, that I can't help but want them to be together even though I know it's fucked up that he's married.

I don't know, but I'm over it!

I don't know, ask Shonda! She must know.

Aziz and Rashida each did an episode of The Getaway where they spend a weekend in a foreign city a la Anthony Bourdain - where would you go to do a show like that? (And they should totally give you an episode!!)

I'll do Rome because that's where I'm going for New Year's.

Hey Retta! I think you're hilarious, and I love Donna and Tom's friendship on Parks. Is it fun to do scenes with Aziz?

Yes, because Aziz is really quick on his feet and he exudes funny.

Love you on the show!

Why does everyone hate the library on Parks and Rec? What do you think the characters hate more, the library or Jerry?

I have no idea! I don't know what went down in the Pawnee Library but apparently it wasn't good. And it's not so much they hate the library, they hate the people associated with it.

Just wanted to say I go to FSU and can't wait to see you on the 15th! Thanks for being awesome.

well thank you!

Can we go have a treat yo self day? You're awesome.

Sure! Start without me.

Since someone has already asked how you treat yo' self (obviously), I wanted to say that I loved your interview on Conan during which you shared that you like to listen to classical music while driving. Do you have a favorite piece of classical music?

Yes. Vivaldi's Gloria.

What is the worst part about Jerry?

He's always spilling shit.

I LOVE watching shows with your tweets!! Keep it up girrrl!

Will do!

Two for one: How much creative input do you have with your character? And what's your favourite vegetable?

We obviously don't write the episode, so we don't write the characters. I feel the writers tend to use things from our personalities and personal lives to mold the characters, and we finish it off with our performance of the character and with any improv if we're allowed to improv and it makes it onto air, then that helps build out our character on the show.

My favorite vegetable is sweet corn.

Retta you're incredible on twitter and in parks and rec..but you'll always be my favorite as Sad Eye Sadie from Dickie Roberts Former Child Star. Thank you for that.

Oh geez. You're pulling from the bottom of the barrel with that one.

Do you do stand up? Would you ever do a stand up special and can I get tickets?

I do. I don't tour the colleges as much as I used to because I don't have the time, but I've done three shows this year and I have two more coming. Once I get enough material, I will probably do another one, and I'm sure you will be able to get tickets. Or tweet me, once I announce it!

Thanks for doing this AMA!

Who on the cast 'can get it' the most?

How do you feel about Rob and Rashida's departure? Do you think it'll change the dynamic of the show?

I can't think of my castmates in that fashion! They are family. But if I had to answer… Rob Lowe.

Retta, I love you.

I've always wanted to know, will you ever do anything more with your opera singing? I freaking adore it and would totally buy an album or something like that.

OMG, if someone is willing to put my shit on an album they can have it.

Hi, Retta. What's your favorite non-alcoholic sandwich?

This is a dumb question.

Hey, Retta! What are your favorite books? Also, do you listen to any podcasts? Thanks for doing the AMA!!

I haven't had time to read a book, but I was really into She's Come Undone when that was out. And I did read Rob Lowe's book and I'm getting ready to start Nick Offerman's book.

Two parter: 1) Many of us would dig reading a Retta book. 2) Any plans for a Retta book?

I've thought about writing a book, not so much because I feel the need to get a story out, but because I have so many friends who have written books and I feel lazy compared to them. But if I do write a book, I'm not sure it's going to necessarily be a story about Retta. I think I'm more into fiction. I'm not sure if anyone is interested in what is going on with me because outside of going to work, I just come home and watch TV. I'd probably do something along the lines of a romance novel where it's hard for the couple to come together, and when they do, it's magic.

In what ways do you and Donna differ?

I'm much goofier than Donna. Donna does not suffer fools and sometimes I do because I'm more polite.

Hi Retta! I love Parks and Rec! I think everyone on the show is hilarious and it always makes me happy. Do you love going to work every day?

Absolutely. And I dread the day when they say this is the last episode, and thinking about having to get another job, and hoping it's half as good an experience as Parks & Rec is.

What is your favorite lipstick or makeup product of the moment? What is your go-to drink on a night out?

I love you!!!

Oooh! Well, one thing I can't live without is Makeup Forever's HD powder. But I'm actually really into... I've never liked red lipstick for me, it just seemed garish, and I just got into it, and I have shopped so much at Sephora that I am now VIB Rouge, and the line Bite makes a red lipstick just for VIB members, you can only get it online, and I'm obsessed with it.

what were you like as a kid?

You know, I was pretty rambunctious, I think. I had a lot of energy. I remember in kindergarten my mother telling me this story that one day she came to pick me up, and when she got there, my pants (I think I had on a jumpsuit) and it was ripped between my legs from the front to the back completely. And my mother asked what happened to my pants? And my answer was "We had a dance competition." Obviously I did a split and split my pants.

Retta, I want to be you. Your show tweets are the reason I've watched Orphan Black and Orange is the New Black. You make my life better. Please come by the Laugh Factory some time! I do social media there and just send people this GIF all day long when they ask what I'm doing: http://cdn.uproxx.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/09/donna-meagle-tweet.gif

If you had an army of clones, what would you do with them?

Ah, bless you!

Retta, you're the shit. Is there a particular show you would most like to guest star on?

There's lots of shows I would like to guest star on! Particularly Scandal, the Good Wife, Sons of Anarchy, The Vampire Diaries… I would say True Blood but I'm afraid they would make me a shapeshifter and I would have to be naked, in which case I would gladly save you all from that scariness.

Did Chris really shit himself on camera?

Don't think so. I hope not. But I also was not there that day so I'm not an eyewitness.

Retta! You are beautiful.

What is your favorite part about being on parks&rec?

I love our cast and crew. So work isn't really work. Unless we have one of those long days when we have what we call splits when we have to do day and night scenes in one day, when you have to be there 12-16 hours, that's when you start to want to get out of there. But otherwise, I have no complaints.

How did you feel about the government shutdown?

I didn't really experience it. It's obviously fucked up that because grown men are being childish it affects other people's jobs, but being here, I did not experience it. I didn't have a wedding planned in a national park, for example.

Besides Donna, who would you say is your favourite character on Parks and Rec?

It's a toss up between Andy Dwyer and Ben Wyatt. I love the innocence but the genuine sweetness of Andy, but I also love how nerdy Ben is and can sometimes be (as much as he's the straight guy) also be a dumbass.

How often do you treat yo-self?

Every day!!!

Would you like to have the chance to write an episode of Parks?

I would. I would. But I also know how well-done the show is, and I don't know if I have the chops to do a classic, typical episode of what people love about Parks. It's a little intimidating because it is so well-written.

Whose idea was it to change hairstyle on Parks? Kudos to them....love the new do so much more!

I've been changing my hair. Trying to figure out what I like. So this season I'm not wearing wigs, I'm just trying new stuff.

Donna is one of my favorite characters from recent TV. I try to channel her in my day-to-day life when things get rough :)

What advice would you give to a young couple that's moving to LA, hoping to break into the entertainment industry?

THANKS YOU'RE THE BEST

Well, what kind of advice…always be content in the space you're in, while you're trying to get to the space where you want to be. So basically, you need to be happy while you're broke, because if you put your happiness in being a star or making the money, you may never be happy but as long as you're content, you can say "I tried and I didn't commit suicide."

What important decision in your professional life have you based entirely on your intuitive feelings?

To move to LA and try to make it via standup.

How much of your show is improvised? Do you come up with some of those great one-liners on the spot?

Not that much of it is improvised. Most of what hits the air is written, because it's cleared with the law department, and every once in a while, we get some one liners in of our own. But for the most part it's the scripted stuff that makes it in. Not that we don't try. But usually our improvs are too dirty to make it on air.

Okay, I almost stepped in goose poop 10 times trying to get home fast enough to ask you something! Who would win in a staring contest you or Amy Poehler? Yes, that question was worth the run home.

I gotta tell you, it's a tough call because I actually have staring contests on set and I'm pretty fucking good, like LEGIT good. Like National Championship if there were one good. She's pretty funny, so it's hard to tell if I'd win or not. I don't know. I feel like we are on par.

Retta! You are amazing! I just want to tell you how much I love your live tweets, especially because they're usually shows that I watch/have watched. My question, after Orange is the New Black, what show is next?

I think I need to go back and finish Buffy. I need to finish Buffy and the British version of Being Human.

I just wanted to say we watch all the same TV shows and you never fail to make me laugh!!

Any theories you have about Scandal? Who's your favorite character? Least favorite? (I hate Fitz personally. Olivia and Mellie should ditch him and rule the world)

You should ask Shonda for a guest role.

The only theory I have right now is that either Olivia's mother is alive, or that her mother was a spy, and that's why her father had her killed, and that's why he's so annoyed with the fact that Olivia reveres her mother so much. Olivia is my favorite character. Cyrus' husband is my least favorite.

If only it were that easy!

Thank you so much for coming out and doing this AMA, Retta! I absolutely love your work on P&R and have watched every episode to date.

My question is: If you had to pick an in-character male from the show to marry, who would it be and why? (NOTE: You cannot say Genuine, since he is your in-show, fake chart-topping rapper cousin.)

well I was not going to say Ginuwine. Who would I marry on the show? The only sensible one is Ben Wyatt.

Hey Retta! I LOVE when you live tweet what you're watching... I always agree with everything you have to say about Girls (Hannah is crazy). What are your favorite shows on tv right now?

Check my feed!

I only started watching Parks & Rec after hearing your Girl on Guy podcast episode with Aisha Tyler. You are funny as heck! What are your favorite podcasts? (to be on and to listen to)

Well I really like Aisha's, hers are really smart and in-depth. I've done the CrabFeast a couple of times with Ryan and Jay.

I love when you live tweet shows. I saw you just live tweeted sherlock earlier this week. How freaking awesome is that show?!

It's pretty fucking awesome.

What's your fave show to livetweet?

Scandal, just because it's so well written. True Blood because it's absolutely insane, and I'm not sure it means to make me laugh as much as it does, but it does. And The Walking Dead because I can't believe how into such a gruesome show I have been. They are doing something right to keep me interested.

Retta! I see on your twitter that you're a fan of Sherlock. What do you expect in the new season?

Also, what's the funniest thing that's ever happened on the set of Parks and Rec?

I don't know what to expect because I can't figure out if Lock is really dead! I'm hoping he's alive.

Probably the Chris Pratt pratfall. He just does it all the time and he uses his entire body and will just fall like it doesn't hurt, and it's insane. And he always comes up bright-eyed and bushy tailed, with the "what the hell just happened" look on his face.

Loved you on the champs podcast, any chance of going back on?

I haven't talked to Neal or Moshe in a while. Moshe has been on the road. I don't know? It's up to them. I haven't seen them in a bit.

are you doing a stand-up tour anytime soon? :D

Not specifically. I've done some college gigs this year, but not like I used to when I first started doing the road. I just don't had time with our schedule.

Hi, Retta! I totally love Donna and Parks, and your Twitter makes me feel better about how much television I watch :). Thanks for doing an AMA!

You've been tweeting a lot about hockey lately, which is awesome. Who's your favorite Kings player?

Quickie!!!!!!!!!!!!!! (but I ain't mad at Kopitar)

How does one become the Queen of Duke?

Ha! That was a product of Ryan Sickler. When I did his podcast, The CrabFeast, he found out that I went to Duke and he started calling me the Queen of Duke, and now all the people who listen to his podcast call me that.

What is your favorite karaoke bar in LA?

Probably Barney's Beanery in West Hollywood on Sunday and Wednesday because my friend Melissa hosts there.

Retta you are amazing on Parks and Recreation! I also loved you on Anarchy Afterward. Are you friends with Kurt Sutter and that gang? If so, would you consider doing a cameo on SOA?

I'm friends with Theo Rossi, and as a result of that show, I am now friends with Tommy Flanagan, but I was just a big fan, and Theo knew that I loved the show and asked if I would go onto Anarchy when he was on. And he said I had to do it because Tommy wouldn't do it if I wasn't on too.

Favorite bar in LA??

My favorite bar was the Red Rock on Sunset. But it has since shut its doors, and I am now dying a slow and painful death trying to find a new watering hole.

Who out of the cast are you closest to, on set?

Jim O'Heir (I think I already answered this).

Do you have a "treat yo self" day in real life?

My whole life is one big treat. I can't sequester it to one day.

What is the best part about being famous?

Getting to meet a lot of cool people. I've had some really fun party experiences rubbing elbows with the likes of John Hamm and Jimmy Fallon.

Hi, Retta! I just joined reddit to tell you I love you and your tweets make me laugh so hard, I feel like I'm gonna go into labor :) also, please do a podcast about TV. I would listen the shit out of it.

And thank you for introducing me to TREAT YOSELF!

thank you and you're welcome and I have to think about the podcast thing when I have some time.

RETTA!! I love you, you are the best.

Total preesh.

Hey Retta. Is Mellie seriously your least favorite character on Scandal? WHY?!

She's not. I just don't like her hair. I think she's bloody genius but sometimes she just does shit to piss me off.

Thank you Retta!! I was going to ask if you're touring as well. Also, is Nick Offerman as big of an asshole in real life as he is in his book?

Didn't read the book yet. Still waiting on it. But I'm pretty sure he's not an asshole.