My name is Tim Ross. I'm a stand up comedian. AMA!

I was hoping for the horse sized Duck question because my answer is that I would fight the horse sized Duck but then trick Phil Robertson into using his duck call and then he would get fucked by a giant duck.

Also now I'm one post above Siri. This is the closest I'll ever get to being on top of a porn star.

EDIT: Oh I've been answering comments for like five hours. I should try and get some sleep. I'll answer any questions that slip through in the morning. Thanks for hanging out guys.

Would you rather fight ten duck size Phil Robertsons , or one Phil Robertson size duck ?

The duck. Phil Robertson has lots of guns.

Was scrolling through all and http://i.imgur.com/gnLbmy5.jpg

Hahaha I shouldn't get drunk and post on Reddit I end up in too many places!

I saw your first video a while back and laughed my ass off. Props to you and everything you do.

Question: I know having a good sense of humor can make it easier on a person when they get heckled but how often does this actually happen? Is it mostly by overly drunk people?

Heckling doesn't happen as often as people imagine. And most of the time it isn't malicious. I've only had one or two malicious people in the almost three years I've been doing it. A lot of time it's people trying to be a part of the show. And even then it isn't super frequent. I've been on stage more times than I count and have been heckled a number of times I could count on both hands.

Is it 9?

Lmao probably

So you are saying you want more people to heckle you maliciously so you can use your comebacks?

Nah not at all! I don't have any set comebacks. And I'm not really mean on stage. I'm a pretty nice guy.

One of my friends is a stand up and he very rarely gets heckled - he doesn't realise the reason is that he is a nice guy. I'm betting you've dodged the heckling bullet for the same reason. If everyone is on your side, why would they try and mess you up?

It might be it. I'm a cool guy. I'm a real cool guy.

Did you know your AMA is currently competing against an AMA of a girl with massive breasts who fucks and puts vids of it online?

Last time I had one up against Trent Reznor. This is worse. Way worse.

Do you know any wimmin who aren't proud of their butt?

I do but I'm trying. Girls be proud of ur butts.

I'm proud of your butt

You Lying Pervert

http://imgur.com/a/q3BqC

Same question. And send all the money you get from it to me.

Jk I know you don't make any money.

Yes. I will make those jokes tomorrow. Just for you.

Tim, how many Twitter followers do you credit to Reddit. Do people interact with you at shows and reference r/standupshots? How do you like your toast.

Most of them, honestly. Reddit has been an amazing tool for connecting with people who could potentially like my stuff. I think I had 500 followers when I started posting on /r/standupshots and now I have 3800. Some of those came from other sites that reposted things I posted on Reddit but it all stems from here!

I've been doing stand-up for nearly a year now and have been considering posting to r/standupshots, but I am nervous about a cold reception (and surplus weirdos). How did you know you were ready?

Just do it honestly. If you've got jokes that translate then do it!

Where was your very first show, and how did it go?

Did an open mic. It went really well! The second time was abysmal though. Bombed horribly.

What was your worst joke from the set? On another note, my friend "booed" Josh Blue from Last Comic Standing a few years ago and got shredded by him. Has nothing to do with this AMA, but I jump at any chance to embarrass him again.

Worst joke?

"I'm broke so I can't ask girls out. What am I supposed to say? I can't be like yo girl I dunno your name but I do know it is written ALL OVER these taco bell coupons!"

I laughed.

Thanks Kathleen!

My buddy Aaron Kleiber has worked with Josh a bunch and said he's a great dude. I forget the rest of your question I'm gonna hit send and then respond.

What is the funniest thing a heckler has said to you? And how did you respond?

Thanks!

I was about to finish my set. I said "I'll leave you with a short joke."

And then I paused. I shouldn't have paused. A girl in the back row shouted "YOUR DICK?"

I actually laughed. And I let the crowd laugh while I scrambled for a response. I took a drink of water and said "You said my dick right? OK. Just wanted to make sure I was right before I put jokes in your mouth."

Not terribly funny in text but it worked live. And I chatted with the girl after and she dates the guy who runs that venue. They are both incredibly cool. I slept on their couch once and she made sure I had a very soft blanket.

Hey, I thought you were Tim Russ, and then I started watching your video and realized that you are not Tim Russ. So I guess my question is, do you like Star Trek Voyager, specifically Tim Russ?

I never watched Star Trek. Outer space creeps me out. I'm sorry I'm not that other guy I bet he's pretty cool.

How come there are no sit down comedians?

Bill Cosby!

What's the deal.....with....food on a plane?

Airline meal From Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia

An airline meal or in-flight meal is a meal served to passengers on board a commercial airliner. These meals are prepared by airline catering services. These meals vary widely in quality and quantity across different airline companies and classes of travel. They range from a simple beverage in short-haul economy class to a seven-course gourmet meal in long-haul first class. When ticket prices were regulated in the American domestic market, food was the primary means airlines differentiated themselves.[1] Contents [hide] 1 History 2 Contents 2.1 Cutlery and tablewares 2.2 Other non-food items 2.3 Breakfast 3 Cost 4 Preparation 5 See also 6 References History[edit]

The first airline meals were served by Handley Page Transport, an airline company founded in 1919, to serve the London-Paris route in October of that year.[2] Passengers could choose from a selection of sandwiches and fruit.[3] Contents[edit]

Turkish Airlines Business class meal on an Istanbul to Cairo flight The type of food varies depending upon the airline company and class of travel. Meals may be served on one tray or in multiple courses with no tray and with a tablecloth, metal cutlery, and glassware (generally in first and business classes). The airline dinner typically includes meat (most commonly chicken or beef) or fish, a salad or vegetable, a small bread roll, and a dessert. Caterers usually produce alternative meals for passengers with restrictive diets. These must usually be ordered in advance, sometimes when buying the ticket. Some of the more common examples include: Cultural diets, such as French, Italian, Chinese, Japanese or Indian style. Infant and baby meals. Some airlines also offer children's meals, containing foods that children will enjoy such as baked beans, mini-hamburgers and hot dogs. Medical diets, including low/high fiber, low fat/cholesterol, diabetic, peanut free, non-lactose, low salt/sodium, low-purine, low-calorie, low-protein, bland (non-spicy) and gluten-free meals. Religious diets, including kosher, halal, and Hindu, Buddhist and Jain vegetarian (sometimes termed Asian vegetarian) meals. Vegetarian and vegan meals. Some airlines do not offer a specific meal for vegetarians; instead, they are given a vegan meal. For several Islamic airlines (e.g. Emirates, Etihad Airways, Gulf Air, Iran Air, Qatar Airways, Saudia, Pakistan International Airlines, and Malaysia Airlines) in accordance of Islamic customs, all classes and dishes on the plane are serving with Muslim meal with Halal certification - without pork and alcohol. While Emirates, Etihad, and Qatar are still providing bottles of wine to non-Muslim passengers, the cabin crew do not deliver alcoholic beverages lest to violate Islamic customs, unless those non-Muslim passengers request it. Because Iran and Saudi Arabia are apply strict Sharia regulations, all Iran Air and Saudia airplanes do not deliver pork and alcoholic substances; moreover, all airlines flying to and from Iran or Saudi Arabia are prohibited from using pork and alcohol. In the case of El Al, all meals are Kosher-certified by Rabbis. Even destinations outside Israel, sky chefs must be supervised by rabbis to make kosher meals and load their planes. Cutlery and tablewares[edit] Before the September 11 attacks in 2001, first class passengers were often provided with full sets of metal cutlery. Afterward, common household items were evaluated more closely for their potential use as weapons on aircraft, and both first class and coach class passengers were restricted to plastic utensils. Some airlines switched from metal to all-plastic or plastic-handled cutlery during the SARS outbreak in 2003, since the SARS virus transfers from person to person easily, and plastic cutlery can be thrown away after use. Many airlines later switched back to metal cutlery. In May 2010, concerns were raised in Australia and New Zealand over their respective flag carriers, Qantas and Air New Zealand, reusing their plastic cutlery for international flights between 10 and 30 times before replacement. Both airlines cited cost saving, international quarantine, and environmental as the reasons for the choice. Both have also said that the plastic cutlery is commercially washed and sterilized before reuse.[4][5][6] Reusing plastic tablewares though is a regular thing among many airliners and food caterers Other non-food items[edit] Condiments (typically salt, pepper, and sugar) are supplied in small sachets. For cleanliness most meals come with a napkin and a moist towelette. First and business class passengers are often provided with hot towels and actual salt and pepper shakers. Breakfast[edit]

Breakfast served on a short-haul Aeroflot flight During morning flights a cooked breakfast or smaller continental-style may be served. On long haul flights and (short/medium haul flights within Asia) breakfast normally includes an entrée of pancakes or eggs, traditional fried breakfast foods such as sausages and grilled tomatoes, and often muffins or pastry, fruits and breakfast cereal on the side. On shorter flights a continental-style breakfast, generally including a miniature box of breakfast cereal, fruits and either a muffin, pastry, or bagel. Coffee and tea are offered as well, and sometimes hot chocolate. Cost[edit]

Food on board the flight are usually free on full-service European and Asian airlines and on almost all long distance flights, while they might cost extra on low-cost airlines or flights. Quality may also fluctuate due to shifts in the economics of the airline industry, with private jet passengers receiving the equivalent of five-star food service.[7] On the longest flights in first class and business class, most Asian and European airlines serve multicourse gourmet meals, while airlines based in the US tend to serve large meals including a salad, steak or chicken, potatoes, and ice cream. Some long-haul flights in first and business class offer such delicacies as caviar, champagne, and sorbet. The cost and availability of meals on US airlines has changed considerably in recent years, as financial pressures have inspired some airlines to either begin charging for meals or abandon them altogether in favor of small snacks (Southwest Airlines). Eliminating free pretzels saved Northwest $2 million annually. The carrier lost nearly $3.3 billion since 2001. Nowadays, US legacy carriers (American,[8] Delta[9] and United[10]) have discontinued full meal service in tourist class on intra-US runs while retaining it for most intercontinental routes (full meal service has in large part been retained by these carriers in premium classes though), offering instead snacks for purchase; and at least one European carrier (Icelandair[11]) follows this policy on intercontinental runs as well. Air China has reported that each domestic flight's meal requires RMB50 (US$7.3) while international flights require RMB70 (US$10).[12] However, this figure varies from airline to airline, as some have reported costs to be as low as US$3.5.[13] Air China is also minimizing costs by loading only 95% of all meals to reduce leftovers and storing non-perishable foods for emergencies. In 1958 Pan Am and several European airlines entered into a legal dispute over whether certain airline food sandwiches counted as a "meal".[14] Preparation[edit]

Food being delivered to a Boeing 767 Meals must generally be frozen and heated on the ground before takeoff, rather than prepared fresh. Guillaume de Syon, a history professor at Albright College who wrote about the history of airline meals,[15] said that the higher altitudes alter the taste of the food and the function of the taste buds; according to de Syon the food may taste "dry and flavorless" as a result of the pressurization and passengers, feeling thirsty due to pressurization, many drink alcohol when they ought to drink water.[16] Food safety is paramount in the airline catering industry. A case of mass food poisoning amongst the passengers on an airliner could have disastrous consequences. For example, on February 20, 1992, shrimp tainted with cholera was served on Aerolíneas Argentinas Flight 386. An elderly passenger died and other passengers fell ill. For this reason catering firms and airlines have worked together to provide a set of industry guidelines specific to the needs of airline catering. The World Food Safety Guidelines for Airline Catering is offered free of charge by the International Flight Service Association.[17] A humorous depiction of a mass food poisoning incident on an airliner can be found in the 1980 film Airplane!.[18] See also[edit]

Portal icon Aviation portal Portal icon Food portal Aerowisata Catering Service Bento Cara Operations Chelsea Food Services Dnata Gate Gourmet Kosher airline meal LSG Sky Chefs Servair Singapore Airport Terminal Services (SATS)

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So much drunk Xbox. I Love you Groves. I'm coming to your city this year no matter what and we are doing shots.

ahem

I remember Tim mind-fucking opponents verbally as I grinned in awe and, y'know, actually fragged them. ;)

People at are supposed to actually play the game? I thought it was just about yelling wtf

Who is your favorite stand up comedian?

All time: Mitch Herberg.

Currently: Louis CK, Kyle Kinane, Hannibal Burress, Pete Holmes, Tig Notaro, and honestly there is so many. There are so many incredibly funny people out there right now. It's pretty amazing.

No John Mulaney?

Weird that I forgot him. Absolutely love Mulaney. But I love so many comics.

Herberg

you slippin

Lmao blame it on the alcohol

No tim minchin? Also how did you start?

I'm American so I only found out about Tim a few years ago. He's very funny. I started by going to an open Mic!

Pete Holmes is incredibly talented.

Indeed!

Okay so I've only seen Tig Notaro on Conan (once) and on Pete Holmes new show (once). I don't get it. What the heck is so funny about her? I think even her dry sense of humor has dried up. Can you point me in the direction of something entertaining about her? She has to have done something right to get where she is.

If you're on spotify listen to her albums. I dunno. I Love her.

Shit, man. You and Kyle on the same bill would be a riot. You're both so similar, yet so different.

You should've gone to Fest in Florida in November. I got to be on a showcase for two days that Kinane closed out. Super fun time. He's hysterical. And he's nice and super cool. (PS - go check the top post of /r/standupcomedy right now for a little surprise.)

I'm not fucking embarrassed at all that I knew which one was you immediately. Overweight White Men With Facial Hair shoulda been the name of the showcase. Or A&E's new reality show.

Hahaha true enough man

By the way, it's guys like yourself that get me closer to sacking up and getting my ass in front of a mic.

Cheers, brother.

Just do it!

What's a good opening joke when you meet the girl of your dreams?

Are you the girl of my dreams? Because right now I'm having cold sweats and screaming. Sorry I have night terrors. I Love you.

I dunno I'm drunk.

I saw your joke on /r/beards about feeling beards vs boobs I've used it loads of times and it works, so thanks!

Nice! Do you get to touch boobs? I really love boobs

I've used it about 5 times when out - a girls asks to touch my beard, i say "Ok but if that's how they game works then I really like you're boobs" - it has worked 4/5 times so far.

Virtual High Five for you my friend!

You're better than me at using my joke to touch boobs

I saw your video on here awhile ago. I don't have any questions though. But keep up the great work! I love you, love you

I love you too!

What's the one joke you regret the most telling?

"Tipping a cow is like tipping a waitress. You won't catch a black dude doing either."

I grew up in a black community and it is a funny joke to me. Black folks were not offended by it. I stopped telling it when a white lady said "so true!" I don't want people believing the joke. It's a play on a stereotype it isn't a "truth"

wow. I don't know what I was expecting, but that was a lot deeper than whatever it was. Thanks!

Appreciate that

When are you gonna work with Merrick again? You guys were great on Triple J!

I think you're thinking of Australian Tim Ross. We follow each other on Twitter so I could DM him if you want. Or he might have unfollowed me. I'm very annoying on Twitter.

How was your first stand up performance? what were the first lessons you learned about being on stage?

It was super fun because I brought friends. The second time was awful. You learn so so so many things. Respond to this and I'll come back to this question.

First lessons:

How to be on stage. It's a new world. I had been in plays a lot and was the frontman for a band but it's such a new thing even with that in mind. You have to learn how to be comfortable and talk to an audience.

Beyond that I'm honestly not sure. I've tried to think of things but doing comedy is so unique to each individual who does it. I mean I had to learn to speak clearly and leave time for laughs and stuff like that but most of the lessons are things I can't really put into words. Like for example - dealing with a heckler. I'm not mean spirited on stage so I can't get away with being really mean. It has to be sort of playful.

And you can only really find the line after you've crossed it. Then you can backpedal and be like "OH, ok. That's the sort of thing I can get away with. This is the sort of thing I can't."

Do you smoke weed?

Occasionally! Not a lot. I get paranoid really really easily.

Tim, do you ever plan on trying to get a feature on a hip-hop record? Preferably one of RiFF RAFF's.

I WISH SO MUCH. I WANNA BE THE WEIRD WHITE DUDE IN RAP VIDEOS. But that wouldn't work for Riff Raff because he's already a weird white dude.

What's you favorite joke? Like "2 blanks walk into a bar" or "what did the blank say to the blank" type joke

Street joke? Why does a seagull fly over the sea?

Because if it flew over the bay it would be a bay gull!

I told this joke to my cousins after smoking marijuana and laughed for an hour.

man this is my go to joke for every situation ive ever been in ever.

It's so fucking good

Have you ever said a joke that no one laughed at? If so what did you do?

Many many many times. I recently did a show at a country club and a crowd of 85 people didn't laugh at several jokes. You just move on to the next joke.

We wanted Jeff Ross!

Me too!

Hey, Tim. No question, really, just wanted to say that I'm subscribed to /r/standupshots and you're one of my favorite comedians on there. Keep doing great stuff

Thank you so much. I Love that community!

When was the moment you knew you wanted to do stand-up?

When I heard Mitch Hedberg and Brian Regan. I knew I wanted to do that. It just took me a long time to actually get there.

What's the biggest mistake you see a lot of comedians starting out make?

Every comedian starting out makes a ton of mistakes. It has to happen to get better though. One big thing is to do your best to never look weak. You're eating shit? So what. Act like you don't give a fuck at all.

Tim I read a #HHHFact about you that said that your beard smelled like beer and regret. And cheese. How factual are these claims?

100% true.

Funniest in retrospect, most awful at the time story about doing a gig?

I did an awful gig in my own hometown. I'm not a cocky person but my good friend and fellow comic Ray Zawodni have a thing where we like to be cocky on stage to amuse each other. That's an important detail.

Anyways I'm eating shit and I drop a joke that had been played on a rock station in Pittsburgh and no one laughs. I make eye contact with Ray and say "Psh. Whatever. That joke was on the RADIO."

Ray laughed really hard and the audience just looked perplexed. I was bummed about that set for a while but thinking about that moment makes me laugh out loud now.

Tim, what's your view on stand up comedians versus comedians like Bo Burnham who rely on effects and things like that? Also, how did you derive Tim from Philip (judging on your last joke of your first video listed)

Timothy is my middle name.

I like what Bo is doing. And a lot of people forget how young he is. If I had been thrust into the spotlight at that age I would have been just as self referential and obsessed with being an "artist." I don't fault the guy for it. His act is funny and he seems very neurotic. He's doing his thing. It's not something I'm interested in doing but it's cool he has found something he enjoys. I just like talking to a crowd. It's like a small punk band and Queen. Both are valid expressions of art and music even if the experience is totally different.

Hey Tim, just started watching your stuff on youtube a couple weeks ago. The first video I found of you was in the archives of the GameFAQs Stand-Up Comedy board, liked it so much that I watched the rest of the videos you posted on that board over the years. I'm thinking about getting into stand up myself and it's really inspiring to see a guy who was asking for advice on GameFAQs a few years ago get over like 4,000 twitter followers and develop a fan base. You've always got a fan in me, man. Ever get onto GameFAQs anymore?

Wow that's crazy! Thanks so much! I haven't been to GameFaqs in a while but I used to play Gears with a bunch of guys (one of them commented here) and we're all friends on Facebook and stuff. The internet is crazy that way.

Hey dude, hope you see this! I'd just like to say that I discovered you through Reddit and have followed all your posts since, and would love to know how you reacted the first time you were recognized outside of a club!

Thanks so much! Haha it's pretty strange. It doesn't happen often but occasionally someone will recognize me. More often than that happening is someone knowing me from here realizing I'm friends with someone they know. Usually I just say thanks.

Nice! Any plans to do a tour coming through Arizona or Texas?

Hopefully sometime!

Hey Tim, I have huge respect for comedians in general, and I've found out about you from your /r/standupshots posts. Just wanted to say that you've made me laugh.

But if I have to pose a question it would be: do you feel like the telling a single joke on multiple occasions necessitates a sort of evolving of the joke/telling it in a different way?

It all depends. You tell a lot of the same jokes over and over again. But they're always evolving. They evolve most on a good night with a fun crowd. Some nights the crowd is rigid and you just plow through. But when you're in the pocket you can play around with that joke a bit and end up changing things about It.

Ever since I subscribed to r/standupshots a few months ago I've been thoroughly enjoying your work!!

Do you ever get compared to another comic frequently? If so, who? And how pissed/flattered does that make you feel?

Thank you! Not too often but anytime it happens they are comparing me to someone very funny and successful so it's flattering haha

Hey Tim, If you weren't a comedian, what would you do for a living? What did you do before you became an entertainer?

I make very little money doing comedy but I can't see myself doing anything else as a career. I am not good at anything. I'd probably be trying to write or something I guess.

Like a romance novel?

Erotic Vampire Fiction

This would be the perfect "About the Author" picture for the back cover.

YESSSSSSSSSS

How much money do you make as a professional comedian, starting out?

Very little!

I saw you (and the rest the RTTC guys) at Fest 12 this year; the standup stage was definitely a big part of my trip. I got there as soon as the doors open and I'm glad I did. You guys were hilarious. No question from me, just saying hello and hoping you come back to Florida soon.

Thank you so much! Fest was an absolute blast. So glad we got to do it.

Are you going to be touring any time soon?

In the spring! Www.Facebook.com/racetothecoffin

What % of your jokes in sets are trully yours?

I mean it's incredibly hard to make one set just by yourself, sometimes you 'borrow' things, from known jokes, movies etc... Are you trying to avoid it or rather take and make it better/funnier?

I write all of my jokes. Occasionally after a set a comic friend will come up and be like "hey you should try this line after this thing" so I have a few things like that I guess.

Hey Tim, Just found out about you tonight and I'm so glad I did, you're amazing!

Anyway, what you think about stand-up comedians playing music in their acts and do you have any favourite musical comedians?

I like it when it's good. I Love Henry Phillips!

What tips would you give to an amateur stand up comedian such as myself?

Write as much as you can and get on stage as much as you can. Stand up is an intensely personal art form and you can only learn and get better by doing!

Do you ever do comedy sitting down?

I have twice. It's pretty similar.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FPUIiGwRYeU I too do comedy, and I live in cleveland (im only saying since he brought it up about how he was broke) so if anyone comes down to the improv in like the next month or so ill be there

Word up man. I know a bunch of dudes out that way.

You just earned a new fan! I'm in, funny stuff man!

Thank you so much! Secret: follow me on my new personal Twitter account @Tim_Is_Win and I will follow you back. I'm Reallt annoying on there though.

Do you ever discover wildlife roosting in your beard?

I found a pog when I trimmed it! That isn't true at all but pogs were dope as fuck back in the day huh?

Hey there Tim, I'm only a highschool student right now but my dream is to do what you're doing. Making people feel good and share my funny side with the world. Got any tips for an aspiring jokester?

Find an open mic at a coffee shop and starting working on jokes! Find every chance you can get to get in front of people and tell jokes. I started at 26. You have the advantage of youth. Use that time to start getting better and more comfortable on stage.

Where would you rank Fozzie Bear on list of greatest stand ups?

Top ten in my heart. Bottom 20,000 in reality.

Score. Thought I missed it.

Who could eat more Pizza Bagels, MMG or YMCMB?

How long would Drake cry about his lost pizza bagel after eating it?

YMCMB Weezy is small but he would keep hitting blunts and eating pizza bagels.

Drake would cry for 2 and 1/2 hours cuz the girl he loved in 4th grade loved pizza bagels.

Are you a George Carlin fan?

Ya I remember seeing the newspaper when he died and being terribly sad.

Who's your favorite comic on /r/standupshots ? Besides yourself, of course.

Some good friends of mine post there. I Love John Dick Winters even tho he's a huge dick. I Love Zach Funk even though he's a huge nerd. I Love Day Bracey even though his dick is bigger than mine. Aside from people I know IRL I love Josh Johnson and Steve Beytonbrod and Bill Squire and Nathan Anderson and a bunch of others but I need to go eat some chicken wings and a soft pretzel brb.

I was just over browsing in /r/standupshots and saw you mention your AMA so I came to show some love. I really enjoy your stuff you post there :)

Not sure if it's been asked yet, but what is your favorite city you have performed in, and where is your dream city to perform in?

Thank you! I adore Pittsburgh because I'm from here. I really really want to perform in Austin and LA. NYC was a blast.

When I browse /r/standupshots it seems like some comics are testing material instead of live established one liners. How do you use reddit to refine your performance? What's the value of this community over other places you may have tried to promote yourself?

And good job, you're consistently funny!

Thank you. After you have been on /r/standupshots for a while it's fun to throw stuff out there that you think will work in that medium. Reddit is the best. I haven't used other communites aside from social media. Seriously love the folks here.

Ok, how is testing material on reddit different from testing it on an analog stage? What does /r/standupshots reactions influence in your stage act, if anything?

Oh I test most stuff on stage before there. There is some stuff that is well received on FB and Twitter that makes it here before the stage but even if it goes well it's a whole different experience

Just watched both videos. Laughed out loud at both, but there didn't seem to be any over the top hecklers. Any good heckler stories?

I had a girl recently who wouldn't stop talking I asked her to shut up because we were filming. She followed me outside and insisted I put my arm around her and then told me about her mom squirting milk from her breasts and hitting her cousin Henry in the face with it.

It was weird.

Can you sit down?

Look at me! I sit down a lot!

[deleted]

There are like seven billion people in the world and almost seven billion of them have never heard of me you shouldn't feel bad at all. As far as the further of comedy I'm not sure. There are ebbs and flows to it. Sometimes it swings towards something and then the reaction is to swing harshly in the other direction. But then eventually it wraps back around to the first point. Funny things will always be funny. I believe stand up will be around long after I'm dead (and not just because I'm unhealthy). I think there will always be an audience of people who want to go and sit in a crowd and hear jokes. I mean there are guys who challenge the convention successfully but there are always gonna be people who are great at getting on a stage and talking. People like live performance.

how long did it take you to grow that wonderfullyaweome beard?

8 months or so. It's trimmed down now. Trimmed on December 31st. Will be trimmed again Dec 31st 2014.

What's your go to joke?

Of my own? Probably the last joke in the video I posted. "I heard a song on the radio where the chorus kept repeating 'we are family.' That's bullshit. According to Stauffers frozen lasagna - I'm a family."

It's an accessible joke that usually works if people don't like whatever I closed on.

Do you write a bunch of jokes and just perform them as per the plan or do you try to bring in the variety based on the crowd's reaction ?. Do you watch yourself on a tape and analyse on how you could do better ?

I have a bunch of jokes I know really well. Before I go onstage I prepare a set list, much like a band. But there are many variables. I switch it up if certain topics aren't working for a crowd. Or I talk to the crowd and make stuff up on the spot!"

Hey tim, how can I find out when you will be in my town next (Philadelphia).

Also what is the worst heckler you've ever had to handle?

And any advise to someone who has considered doing a little standup themselves?

Follow me on Twitter or PM me and I'll get back to you. I have some very funny friends in Philly and some old friends from before comedy. I also love that city. If I go there I'll probably be there for a week or two. And I'll eat Pats 12 times.

[deleted]

Tomorrow for 65,000 people.

That closing joke X)

Thanks!

Can you tell me the best joke that you know?

Why do seagulls fly over the sea?

Because if they flew over the bay they'd be bay gulls!

How can I best get myself out there with my own material?

Open mics!

Are you a "tits guy" or "ass guy"?

I'm an everything guy.

What's better, groupme or viber? Asking for a friend.

Groupme dunno what viber is and I'm old so fuck it groupme all day.

If you could pick any country to pitch some of your best material, assuming there wouldn't be a language barrier, which one would it be?

I'm sorry if its a crappy question but you seem like a cool dude and I wanted to ask something and welp there's that. Also, beard game remain strong.

Thank you! It's not a crappy question. Right now it'd be America because so much of my stuff is rooted in the experience of being American. In five or ten years this answer might be way way different!

I'd love to be a casual stand up comedian, sort of in a party throw a couple of chained jokes, how can I succeed in that field?

Get on stage.

Any plans for a tour to the Southwest? NM, specifically.

The group I tour with (www.Facebook.com/racetothecoffin) is doing s tour this spring. Hopefully we go there!

No question. You should shave and lose weight.

You're hilarious though but In your videos your pointing out of the obvious killed the humor completely for me "that's a penis joke" or something I recall you saying

Trimmed the beard on the 31st and I start at the gym tomorrow. I'M AHEAD OF YOU BITCH.

Would you rather eat 100 perogie-sized chipped hams, or one chipped ham-sized perogie?

Crazy questions yinz have. I'd rather eat a pierogie the size of the incline and a chipped ham the size of Wholeys

Are you the guy who spams his own shitty quote-on-a-picture things to r/funny? Don't you think that's sort of pathetic?

I have posted a handful there! But they changed the rules as I found out a few days ago so I don't anymore. I'll leave you guys to your silly pics. And I am pathetic but for way more reasons than that.

Tim, you're not pathetic. Well, maybe you are, but I don't think so!

Thanks!