Nick Offerman, funambulist, returning for more. AMA

Welcome to reddit! I painted this for you :)

http://i.imgur.com/spIGXrQ.jpg

Thank you, that is magnificent and confusing! I look like I am being anally probed in each iteration, which is good, as I am of an age whereupon I should have my prostate checked regularly. Which reminds me - if you haven't seen John Mulaney's bit on Xanax, youtube that badboy, it's goddamn triumphant.

and i drew this! should be named shitty markers lol http://imgur.com/mGIWJky

I am honored.

I drew you nothing, but this picture is nice! http://i.imgur.com/h48IvDD.jpg

EDIT: note to self, find nicer pictures in the future...

I have seen nicer. You should look at more pictures.

Dear Mr. Offerman- I just want to say, thanks for being such a great role model for us budding hirsute, polite, and outdoor-oriented men. Any advice for a man who's dealing with a lot of indecision (romantic relationships, career stuff)? Also- today i am hosting a chili cook-off and tug-of-war at the Yale Forestry School. Frankly, I can't think of anything more Nick Offerman- if you're anywhere near New Haven, CT come on over and give a tug.

DON'T TREAD WATER FOR TOO LONG, LEST YOU CRAMP UP AND SINK. Follow your gut, make a choice, and throw yourself into it. If you make a mistake, then you have merely afforded yourself a valuable lesson. "It is hard to fail, but it is worse never to have tried to succeed." - Teddy Roosevelt

Loved you as the voice of Metal Beard in The LEGO Movie! What was it like working as a voice actor?

Working in animation is a goddamn blast, because without photography, one can then embody any character that your voice can achieve. An old weed farmer, a vengeful Irish Pirate, a wee baby porcupine....it's super fun.

If you could give your favorite steak a name, what would it be?

Pussycake

What is the worst thing a fan has ever said to you?

I love you on Community.

Hey Nick! I saw you at the Canadian Canoe Museum last year and your Q&A was hilarious and informative.

My question is about the very gorgeous Mrs Offerman. How'd you guys meet? What's her stance on canoes?

We met in the theatre in Los Angeles, our company the Evidence Room. Her stance on canoes is, of course, seated. One should not stand on canoes. She loves to paddle just like her dear old husband, and boy, howdy, does she look good doing it.

Mr. Offerman, what was it like to work on 21 Jump Street with Channing Tatum and Jonah Hill (and Ice Cube!)? And are you going to be in 22 Jump Street as well?

On both Jump Street films, I worked the very first day of production, and my scenes will serve a similar purpose in both films: to send these 2 lovable jackanapes bounding off into inglorious fortune. They are sweet as pie, and we have a very good time giggling and improvising, whilst fingering each others tickle-spots.

Do you like your bacon tender or crunchy?

you bet your sweet tits.

Are we ever going to get to see Ron Swanson high? I assume it'd be like the Snake Juice scene with the little hat, but less dancing and more giggles.

I am in favor of this idea and will pitch it to my employers.

What is the best advice ever given to you?

1) Find work that you love to do, and then find a way to get paid to do that work. 2) Always maintain the attitude of a student. If you think you've done learning, bitterness sets in, but if you have more to achieve every day, in any arena, that makes each morning's awakening full of potential and cheery portent.

What is your prefered method of smoking/ingesting cannabis?

I either inhale a bodacious quantity of smoke into my lungs, and then HOLD it, or I eat food items that have been prepared with a delicious pinch of THC.

Hey, Nick. What's the best type of knife for wood carving? I've been messing around with my wood since I was about 10, but now I want to get serious.

FlexCut makes really great carving tools that we rely on at OWS. They have a really cool kit that's one handle with about 8 assorted replaceable blades that i love to take on the road... The most important aspects of any carving tool are its ability to maintain a sharp edge, and the user's ability to sharpen it and then use it safely without lopping off a finger.

I noticed in Season 4, Episode 4 "Pawnee Rangers" you appeared in a canoe paddling across the lake. Was that one that you built?

yes. Huckleberry.

What would be your best advice for a man who just turned 23 today?

Yes, it's my 23rd birthday. If you could wish me a happy birthday, that would be fantastic.

EDIT: I already have a beard so I have that part of my life covered quite well already. I'm also from the land of whisky.

Bearded Whisky-tender,

Happy Birthday. Sounds like you're rather set up in life wealth, so mind your manners and carry on.

Any details on the episode of Parks and Rec you directed? Do you prefer being behind or in front of the camera?

Through mere luck of the draw, I was handed an incredible episode, in story and location and guest stars. On one wednesday, I directed (on top of Amy, Pratt and Adam Scott) Bo Burnham, Jeff Tweedy of Wilco, and Sam Elliott, with whom I am openly in man-love. I suppose I will always prefer the actual clowning in front of the camera, as "falling down" seems to be the arena in which I display the most acumen, but when I can get behind the lens and lend a collaborative hand, it is most edifying. Some BIG shit goes down in this ep, and Adam plays one of the most hilarious and original drunks I've ever seen.

Hi Nick! Huge fan here, I just have one burning question for you. As a guy with little to no facial hair I have to know what I can do to get a glorious mustache like yours. If no tips or tricks come to mind (which would be a huge bummer) a simple Hello would mean the world to me!

Hello. Sharpie makes some excellent moustache enhancing implements.

Greetings, Mr. Offerman! Scenes with Ron and Tammy Two are some of my favorites on television. My husband and I are learning to hang new doors and are finding the process to be quite the marriage-tester. Any suggestions for these DIYers?

Hanging doors is tricky in any case, so I would recommend that you take your time, keeping it loose, and attempt to laugh when it's difficult. When Megan and I hang doors, she manages the hardware, and I keep my face buried in her ample bush, which usually makes the task right satisfying.

Hello Nick! As you can see from the picture I am a HUGE fan of yours. I watch and read everything that you do!

Today is my birthday and it would make my day if you could write a quick note or a photo that I could hang on the wall next to my workbench! If you do, I promise to make a well crafted oak frame for it. A reply from you will instantly make my woodworking skills 10x better and my beard grow that much faster too.

Have a great day and thank you for doing this AMA on my birthday!! (I know you did it on purpose)

~ Patrick

Patrick,

Happy Birthday. Go to LeeValley.com and get yourself a nicer little combination square by Starrett. Here is a Teddy quote for your frame:

"I wish to preach, not the doctrine of ignoble ease, but the doctrine of the strenuous life."

Do you prefer to use dovetail chisels or a router?

Great question, because that is actually the point where we draw the line at OffermanWoodshop.com Shops that need to crank out drawers for casework in homes, or are manufacturing furniture in production usually prefer the supposedly time-saving convenience of dovetail router jigs, but we feel that the integrity of that noble joint deserves hand-crafted attention. Once you get the techniques down, I also don't feel like it takes that much longer. Wherever we can, we try to maintain our practice of hand-crafting with as little machine work as possible, which of course differs with every project.

I heard in an interview you once did a sausage tour of Europe, what is your favorite sausage?

Bratwurst.

When you're not drinking a beautiful 18+ year old scotch, what's your favorite libation? Something fruity and a little bit girly would be preferable.

ok, straight Corn Liquor with a drop of dandelion wine that has run down the lush valley between my wife's ponderous poonts.

Have you had Balvenie Doublewood 17 yet? The 12 year is one of my favorites, and my buddy just found out he's cancer free after a recent surgery, so I'm waiting to open the 17 with him.

If you have, what did you think?

TWO LARGE THUMBS UP. DELICIOUS.

Hi Nick, I have two questions:

1) Can you teach me how to dance?

2) What advice can you give me on how to get started in woodworking?

1) Certainly. Ingest an adequate quantity of dance fuel (Snake Juice, where available, otherwise any potent hootch), close your eyes, and shake what Mother Nature gave you. 2) Read Fine Woodworking magazine, start small with a block plane and a chisel and a spokeshave. Matriculate.

what is your favourite cheese and why?

Gruyere, no reason necessary. Hard cheddars also set my motor to running. Estero Gold.

Who's the funniest person on the Parks and Rec set?

That's a tough one. Amy Poehler is our champion and leader, and I would have to say she is #1 Chris Pratt is a true comic genius so he's #1.1 Aziz makes anything he says ridiculously funny and Aubrey has a delightfully wicked flavor of evil mischief so they're maybe tied at #1.15 Adam Scott is not behind the folks previously mentioned, plus he wields a mighty sword as a straight man. He's in the #1.05 region. Retta shares Aziz's propensity for simply laying out deliciously crisp one-liners, so I'd rank her in the top 6 as well.... I think that's everybody.

Hey Nick! Any plans to do another comedy tour in the near future? I caught you live last year and it might have been one of the greatest times I've ever had.

Megan and I are gearing up to stat touring together in a show we're calling: SUMMER OF 69 (no apostrophe) So far we have dates in DC, NY, Boston, and California. There is a calendar page at Offermanwoodshop.com that lists our show dates as they are confirmed, and also at our Facebook thing, which I am not good at.

I have tried making my own bottle opener modeled after your "OWS Pop Top." Mine broke after two uses. What's the secret? Do I suck at woodworking?

My first guess would be yes.

I rib. My second guess would that you need to use a hard enough wood, like oak, walnut, maple, cherry, ash, etc. A softwood like pine will be more apt to crack under the leverage.

Also, make sure the grain is running parallel to the length of the implement, as opposed to across it.

Hi Nick! My Dad is also into woodworking and has his basement dedicated to it. What's the perfect present for a man of his skills? Any suggestions would be great, as every holiday I struggle to surprise him with something new for it. Thanks!

go to fine woodworking.com and check out their "new tool reviews" and gift ideas, also Leevalley.com, and read reviews before spending money on any gadgets. Or just a quantity of a local wood from a local sawyer is always nice.

What does Li'l Sebastian smell like?

Mix honey, nut-sweat, rosemary, alfalfa hay, cherry sawdust, Ox penis-milk, and raw Belgian cave cheese with a mortar and pestle. Spread the resultant glory-paste upon a slice of fresh-baked artisan sourdough. Gently press this open-faced poultice into your in-snorting visage and you're welcome.

Hi Nick, thanks for chatting with us today! I recently finished reading your book and found it to be just downright great. I particularly identified with the story you told about the time you were leisurely floating in the pool for only a short time before coming to the hard realization that you'd rather be getting things done than just loafing about. I am much the same way (minus a successful acting career or a bushy mustache… I sport “The Tracker”). The concept of “I’m more relaxed when I’m doing something productive” is difficult for my fiancé to understand, so my question is this:

Is Megan naturally of a similar mindset? If not, how did you go about helping her to understand your preference for productivity over leisure?

My gorgeous wife and I share the trait or affliction of the full-on workaholic. We love getting to perform creative work, and we a very lucky to have constant opportunities to do so, which makes our mutual challenge to find time to put our feet up and fuck off. We work hard so that when break time arrives, we may play hard, and I'll let you do with that what you will.

Favorite cut of steak?

on my plate.

Good afternoon Mr. Nick Offerman! My sister and I are huge fans! What are the small things in life you believe that everyone should appreciate?

With all of the visual distraction constantly inundating us in the form of our devices and screens, I really derive a great deal of pleasure from watching the sun rise and set, admiring clouds as they change shape across the sky, watching tree leaves and blossoms undulate in the breeze....these treats foment an ocular-cleansing refreshment to my way of thinking.

Aside from Saxophone, are there any other instruments you play?

I study the guitar.

What's your favorite aspect of interpretive dance?

The sheer delight I witness upon my audience's faces and in their britches when I bobble my rump about in impossible arcs of nature's graceful majesty, like a funky young brown bear hopped up on blueberries and mescaline.

Thanks for joining us, Mr Offerman. I love all of your work. I have a woodworking question, which I would normally ask my father, but he is no longer with us to answer. Now I put it to you in the hopes of garnering your thoughts on the matter:

I am sketching out a sculpture right now that will require me to cut square dowels at about 2 inch lengths, with one end square, and the other end at varying angles (square, 15, 30, 45 etc). I need quite a large number of these pieces (hundreds), and I'm wondering what would be the most effective and efficient way to accomplish this labor-intensive task?

I would make a small sled for the table saw, on which sits an adjustable fence, that can be set at any angle you require. Using stop blocks and hold-downs will ensure your sizes are of a piece and that the dowel won't spin. I prefer the table saw to a chop saw for accurate work, and it's also less dangerous.

Hey, what would you say was your favorite part of writing your book? Thanks for the AMA!

As an avid life-long reader and lover of books, I am hugely humbled and grateful to have the chance to share my thoughts and views and stories in book form. Writing my first book was incredibly gratifying, and now I have begun book 2, which will be a list of Great Americans, with an eye towards exploring how we continue to evolve as a civilization through civil disobedience, muckraking, and rebellious thinking.

Dear Mr Offerman, Can you explain your reaction when this puppy attacked you?

Did you call for help?

Did Aziz send it?

That is merely one example of how incongruously enjoyable my job is. My day's work was to subject myself to the passionate kisses of a cute puppy, with the simple caveat that I was to retain a steely demeanor. Such gifts of fortune make me constantly aware of my good luck, which in turn makes me mind my manners, so as not to sour the karma.

Who was your favorite guest star on Parks and Rec?

Hard to choose from this list, although the first 3 have the greatest old-school bushes: Megan Mullally Jon Glaser Carl Reiner Sam Elliott Ben Schwartz Jenny Slate Bo Burnham Jeff Tweedy Colin Meloy Nick Kroll (decent bush) Lucy Lawless Matt Besser Mo Collins Fred Armisen (shaver - thumbs down) Andy Samberg Kathryn Hahn Paul Rudd (crazy back bush) Louis C.K. and on for days.

Dear Mr. Offerman, my friend Snowflake and I are very big fans of Parks and Recreation, and Ron Swanson in particular. I honestly sometimes wish he was my dad. I don’t know if my real dad knows that. Anyway, I try to live my life right by drinking various scotches and eating various meats. I hope you approve. Also, if you could just say hello to my friend Snowflake (she is real person, not a cat) that would mean a lot to us. And if you are ever in Chicago again, which is where we live, we’d love to buy you a round or five. Thanks for your good work.

Respectfully, Some Guy

Dear Some Guy and Snowflake, the "Ask" portion of "Ask Me Anything", intimates that your submission should bear an enquiry of some nature.

What are your favorite books?

I love a series of books that perpetually fleshes out a world, like Wendell Berry's Fiction (start with The Memory of Old Jack or Nathan Coulter), The Lord of The Rings, Madeline L'engle's Wrinkle In Time series, The Horatio Hornblower series, Patrick O'Brien's 21-volume Aubrey/Maturin series, The Flashman Papers, The Sharpe series, Little House On The Prairie, The Wind-Up Bird Chronicle, Martin Amis' Dead Babies and Time's Arrow, As I Lay Dying, Michael Pollan's entire catalogue, for a start.

Hi there fellow woodworker! Love your acting, but your woodworking skills are amazing! Today someone posted this on reddit. I was intrigued immediately!

I do mostly woodturning, with the occasional tables and jewelery boxes, and started to make plans to do something like this, but with a turned bowl. Do you think it would be feasonable? I guess I would have to make it much more heavy than I am used to, but It would be spectacular I think.

Roughly shape the bowl with chisels, then make some holes in it (with 'inswing' so as that the metal won't fall out) and fill it with liquid metal, and then turn the whole thing. So, yeah.. Do you think it could be done?

Those are very cool looking items, but I don't have high hope for their lasting solidity, as mating less organic materials with solid wood doesn't provide for wood movement when the humidity changes, which is one of the main obstacles that fine woodworking always seeks to accommodate. I would guess that those pine log sections will expand and contract seasonally, working them selves free of the seal between the wood and aluminum. Nifty idea, though.