Hi I'm a stand up comedian and a nobody and today is my fifth year on reddit. I'm Tim Ross. AMA!

What do you think is the one trend that's doing the most damage to Reddit as a website and online community, and why is it standupshots being posted in r/funny?

lol

Do you ever go by ' Rim Toss'?

No but some people call me that and I do lick assholes

What does a woman's asshole and a 9 volt battery have in common.

Sooner or later your going to lick it.

I dunno man I'm in my 30's and have never licked a battery.

Lmao Obie is the truth man

Do you only do standup for your income?

How often do you add in new jokes to your routine?

Yes I'm very poor.

It all depends honestly. Sometimes you'll work on an entire new five minute chunk and work it in. Sometimes you can't seem to write anything for a while. It comes and goes really.

Chris Rock recently said in an interview that he no longer tests material on college audiences because they're "way too conservative" (not politically, but socially puritanical and hypersensitive). Do you find this is the case when testing new jokes?

I've only done shows at colleges a few times. I'd imagine he's correct but I don't really do any stuff that crosses the line so I couldn't give you an accurate answer.

Wanna hang out later?

Ya do you want tacos

Can you tell me a joke funny man?

no but you should listen to Run The Jewels they're dope af

What should girls be proud of?

girls be proud of ur butts

What is your favourite joke?

The Clown Joke: here's an example I found on a website:

Bob the bum has always wanted to go to the circus, but he, being a bum in a long line of bums, has never been able to afford it. Finally one night a group of Bob’s friends (other bums) see that the circus is in town and pool their collected change in order buy a circus ticket and out of crude asshole humor decide to go without Bob who is passed out in an alley. (Hey, they’re bums what do you expect.) So then they come back laughing like middle school girls and when Bob asks what’s up, they let him know what they did and told him how great the circus was. Bob, seeing one of his own precious life dreams being ridiculed by those he once thought his only friends and family, gets extremely angry and being unable to cope with his anger drinks himself into oblivious and passes out in an alley (Hey, he’s a bum.)

Well the next day Bob has to come to terms with his life and the cruel world he lives in. He decides the only way he can live with himself is to show everyone who has doubted him and achieve his dream – going to the circus. So Bob cleans himself up and 20 minutes of narrative later, Bob has purchased a ticket to next years circus and is inside.

So Bob watches the circus and it is fabulous! He loves every minute of it. And finally the final act everyone has been waiting for – The Clown! The crowd goes silent as The Clown steps into the ring and asks for a volunteer. The spotlight zooms over the crowd and finally lands on one man, Bob. Bob stands up, in a slight haze of joy. The Clown then asks him,”Sir, are you a horse’s hoof?” Bob (smile on face): No. Clown: “Sir, are you a horse’s head?” Bob (Pause): No. Clown: “Then you sir – must be --, --, a Horses ASS!!” (Now teller of joke has to immediately move on so audience doesn’t think this is the punchline.)

So the crowd bursts out laughing. Parents, kids, circus freaks, everyone is standing and laughing at Bob. Needless to say – Bob is pissed! He finally achieved something and actually worked for it (Important since he is from a family of bums) and now it is thrown back in his face. More story is narrated, and once again Bob passes out in an alley. (He’s a bum, remember?)

So then next morning Bob wakes up and decides the only way to live with himself is to get even with that clown – to redeem himself by enacting the ultimate form of revenge upon the clown which hurt him so. To further this end Bob gets more jobs, enrolls in martial arts and once a master of the physical realm enrolls in insult school where he learns all different forms of insults in every culture and for every occasion – including the very special art of Comebackery.

Narration continues for a minimum of 20 minutes describing all the steps Bob takes and how Bob begins to formulate a plan for ultimate revenge on the clown. During this time Bob has worked himself off the streets and his hatred burning within him has driven him to success in other areas. Finally it is time for the circus again. Bob has the first ticket and is first in the tent. He now meditates, going over his plan for ultimate revenge in careful detail in his head – over and over. The circus acts go by in a flash for meditating Bob and finally The Clown steps out. The crowd is excited – full of energy. Here is The Clown. The Clown asks for a volunteer. Once again the spotlight goes over the crowd, and lands on Bob. Bob stands up (completely buff now, a true badass). The clown repeats the lines of his joke, ending of course with “You sir, are a horse’s Ass”. Except this time…

The crowd is about to laugh except their laughter is stifled by the anger and hatred emanating from Bob. The tent is dead silent. Bob raises his right arm and points at The Clown. In an entirely calm cool state he looks The Clown directly in the eye, ready for this moment of self redemption he has worked so hard toward – prepared to unleash the ultimate insult upon this clown. He takes a small breath and says ….

Fuck you, Clown.

Amazing. I love me a shaggy dog story. I love what I've seen of your act, by the way, and look forward to your return to /r/standupshots. :-)

Thank you so much!

Tim, I remember watching your show years ago on PBS. I would always watch you before I went outside to play in the afternoon. Your painting has always been of scenic areas such as mountains and trees, do you ever plan on branching out and maybe painting some portraits or something more abstract?

I only l leanred to paint like 10 things and they gave me a show truth is I was high as fuck bro

How do you come up with material? Do you have ideas and just riff on stage or do you actually write out the things you will say?

might have other questions in the upcoming hours

When I first started I would sit down with a topic and just write everything I could on the topic. Lately I've got a bit of a framework and I'll go on stage and try to play around in it and riff and talk to the crowd a good bit.

Ever got girls by your talent to make them laugh? Or do you always end up being friendzoned?

Sometimes girls will express interest and be like oh you were funny haha lets get drunk but then they find out how weird and unfunny i am off stage and usually go home and use their vibrator

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sup you wanna hang out?

Why do you need the stage to be funny?

I'm just weird with pretty girlz

Big fan of you on standupshots!

Do you gave an opinion about the whole content creators vs. spammers conversation going on on Reddit?

Thank you! I've said a toooooooooon about it. I think the perspective of /r/funny is ludicrous and also people can be very mean there it's a pretty frustrating community.

Have you ever thought about doing any beard modeling?

no i have the beard for me and me alone and maybe girls

If you weren't doing comedy, what would you be doing or what would you like to pursue a career in?

I think I would be writing a bad novel or trying to be a funny twitch streamer.

Hi Mr. Tim, what is your favourite kind of ice cream?

And don't you fucking dare say truck.

Anything that is like "chocolate with chocolate bits of chocolate getting fucked in the ass by chocolate"

Hi Tim, Who are you?

just a dude wanna get lunch

Haha nice response. I'll check out your stuff

Thanks!

How have you changed as a person in the last five years? What do you think brought on these changes?

ya i got cooler and get bitches it's prolly all the extra swag

What's your writing process like?

Any daily routine? Anything that didn't or did work for you?

I mostly write things down in the notes in my phone and then I'll pace around trying to figure it out. It involves a lot of talking to myself and talking into a shampoo bottle in the shower.

When you nail down jokes do you then file them away like the weirdo from "Comedian"?

Oh no that guy is a weirdo and jokes are always evolving.

If r/standupshots hadn't propelled you to the success you had today, what other ways would you have tried to spread your material? Absolutely love your work by the way. Hope you become famous for this in the near future.

I dunno maybe 9gag or somethin. I have no clue of where I would be so obnoxious and post all the time. I appreciate that and I also hope so.

What's the dumbest joke you keep telling because it makes you laugh?

Oh there's a handful of them I'll break out for fun just to see if the crowd comes along. One of my personal faves is "growing up I always thought the red sea was the final book in the scarlet letter trilogy"

Tim! Big fan of your beard! Jokes are ok too.

Any advice for a super shy guy wanting to get into standup? Public speaking has never been a strength. My mom always said to pretend like everyone in the room was in their underwear, that made public speaking a bit... harder.

You're the man.

thanks a lot if you want to get over your shyness just before you go on stage listen to waka flocka flame he's hype af

Hey aren't you that hamburger guy?

ya

Sweet. Let me know if you ever do stand up around the Quad Cities and I'll buy you a meal from Checkers.

what are the quad cities

What's something you think girls should be proud of?

girls be proud of ur butts

What quest line are you going to tackle next with your sneaky khajiit?

Doing a bunch of side quests now but WORKIN on Theives Guild

What is your favorite Kevin Bacon movie and why is it Tremors?

I had to go to the hospital for high blood pressure now I don't have anything with bacon in it

How often do you perform? I'm a relatively funny gal and have a lot written down, but am scared shitless of taking it up on stage. What sealed the deal for you to get up and perform?

I just went to an open mic and signed up. That's what you gotta do!

What books, movies, etc. helped shape your sense of humor?

Tommy Boy was huge for me. It was a fat dude being absolutely silly and hilarious. I remember telling my 7th grade class when I grew up I wanted to be like Chris Farley and they all laughed at me. So I suppose that was a good start.

What's the best way to deal with hecklers while on stage?

I'm usually just silly with them. You very rarely get malicious hecklers. Just drunk people trying to be a part of the show most of the time.

Should girls be proud of their butts?

yes 100%%%%%

What is your favorite kind of butt? Please describe the size, shape and reasoning for loving that butt

its ur butt <3

Who is your favoirte stand up comic that is still performing?

Man I love so many comics and it's hard to pick a favorite. How about this instead. If you haven't heard of Michael Che yet you should check him out. Saw him at Oddball this year and he's fuckin hysterical.

Who?

I dunno if you noticed the nobody part in the title

What are your tips for beard care/grooming?

dont shave ur face

What was the best/favorite/funniest handling of a heckler you've ever seen ?

Honestly my favorite is every time a heckler at a small show gets shut down and then he's outside trying to rationalize his behavior. One time my friend Robert X shut down this heckler and then stood outside lecturing the guy for like 20 minutes. It was pretty fuckin great.

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It is you and it's because tell me how my ass tastes

hopefully february

Any plans to move someplace with a bigger comedy scene? Also, do you do more middling at this point or opening / MC stuff?

Not for a little bit. Pittsburgh's comedy scene is surprisingly pretty awesome. I really like it here. And it all depends. I've middled a bit on the road. My energy isn't really ideal for an MC so that's a tough spot for me but I've done it a fair amount.

I really need to come see you perform. I always find your /r/standupshots the funniest, and I live in Pittsburgh. One of these days...

come to arcade comedy theater tonight at 10 pm

Going by your video, you seem pretty dang funny, man. I've always wanted to try my hand at standup as well. How would recommend starting? Just put yourself out there or what?

Thanks man! Yeah honestly just write five minutes of jokes and just sign up for an open mic.

And then go to open mics over and over and over and over and try to get better and try to avoid depression i'm on prozac that seems to help

Hi Tim. I'm currently contemplating going the stand up route and would like to know if you could take it all back and do something else would you do it? If not and you would still do stand up, would you have done anything different with what you know now? How long have you been doing it? Thanks!

Also... How hard is it to make a living off of if you're not super famous?

1. Nah I love it. It can be a pain in the ass but I love it.

2. I would have written funnier bits that would have been good.

3. Three Years and some months now.

4. Very I live with my mom she's dope af

Hey Tim, love your comedy. I'm from Youngstown and have been trying for a while to make it to a show.

What kind of hobbies do you do/have when you aren't doing comedy?

Thanks! I was recently at Mojos for a weekend really cool spot. I don't have a ton of hobbies. I love video games. I started a new Skyrim character this week. A stealthy khajit if you're wondering.

Who's the sweatiest Pittsburgh comedian (working today)?

Derek Minto

Have you ever?

ya lol

Chris Rock lamented about how cell phone recording is killing bigger names ability to test drive new material, as unpolished stuff gets YouTube'd. Now, us nobody comics aren't fortunate enough to have that problem, but do you see away for the bigger names to get their open mic kinks worked out without instant publishing? And at what point in your career do the phones come out? Do you think the instant sharing age will hurt comedy in the long run, as in comics censoring themselves because of the potential for recording/ reaction, or will the craft adapt?

Man I dunno even. Louis just had a run in New Orleans where he'd just randomly pop into an open mic with 8 people and work on his shit. I image there has to be ways to work stuff out it's just that you can't always have that scenario. Clubs are gonna have to start keeping a closer eye on this sort of thing. Sucks.

If today is your 5th year on reddit, where's the picture of cake?

I dunno i think it might have been through the night? I have the "Five Year Club" thing wtf

what do you prefer: mass effect or elder scrolls?

what do you do when no one blesses you after a sneeze?

Oh man I still gotta play the other mass effect games. I had a lot of fun with the first one. I'm currently obsessing over skyrim and being a giant cat

Tim, I am thinking about giving a shot at stand up. Do you like what I have so far?

I hate how comics say "what a good crowd tonight" like they need to positively reinforce them. It's pretty simple for me, if you don't like my jokes then fuck you and if you do like my jokes well fuck you too cause I don't know you. The only one here I know is my mom - thanks for coming out mom! See comes to every show... She's dead, but yeah...

Speaking of dead things, I am kinda down in the dumps because a relationship I was in just ended yesterday. Everything was going great until I found out she had had an abortion. Now don't get me wrong I am not for or against abortions. I believe a women has the right to choose, I mean it is her body so she can do what she wants, she just wanted me to pay for half.

It's very hard to tell in text you honestly just gotta get in front of a crowd man