Kimmel here

I have to get to work now. I'll come back later to answer more. This was fun - thanks for giving a shit.

Why is it called Jimmy kimmel live even though it's not live?

Edit: stop down voting me. It's a genuine question!

we used to be live - but too much "filth" was going out unbleeped, so ABC made us tape an hour before we air. At that point, we'd established the name of the show and changing it was not sensible. stationery is expensive

When Sarah Silverman first did the "I'm fucking Matt Damon" video on your show, had you seen it before or was that actually a surprise for you?

it was a complete surprise.

Mr.Kimmel.

I just wanted to say that your tribute to Uncle Frank was amazing, and from those of us who saw a little our own lost loved ones in him.....he will be missed.

I dont really have any questions, other than to say you do late night RIGHT, and have always been the top of the totem polem comedically for myself.

Keep on keepin on jimmy!

thank you, squirlynuts

Favorite television series currently running?

Breaking Bad

Couldn't have asked for a better season finale.

I think they set it up so Gus can be the villain in the next Batman movie.

In 2006, you were sitting in for Adam Carrolla on his morning radio show when his twins were being born. Joe Rogan was a guest on the show and I was part of a segment because I got into a Myspace argument with Joe Rogan after telling him that "I hate you, you're not funny." My question is this... I asked if you would send me out a windbreaker and you said Yes! It has now been over 5 years and I am still hoping to get my windbreaker. Any chance that is ever going to happen?

No one has ever been sent a windbreaker. As you probably know, that is Adam's running joke. I hope you get it, as that would be awesome.

correct. It was a joke.

How come you never return my calls?

I feel like we've drifted apart

I used to love the Man Show back in the day, but I always wondered, in the segments where you guys or the Man Show boy used to go up to strangers and say random shit to them or get them to say random shit, was that ever staged or were those people all really random strangers? How often did you guys get recognized, and was there any time that a stranger realized you were fucking with them and got angry?

that was never staged. the man show boy was a funny kid named aaron hamill (not andy milonakis, as some believe). people were always nice to a little kid, but as the years went on, Aaron got taller - and as he grew, so did anger from guys he was screwing with. we eventually had to stop doing it, for fear of getting him punched.

Thanks for having us on a few weeks ago!

it was my pleasure - anyone who asks how to make it in comedy should just pay close attention to what you guys do

Why are you squinting? It's not even that bright.

I am naturally squinty. some believe I am stoned. I wish I had that excuse.

i've had an erection for more than four hours. what is my best course of action?

get your mother involved

What would you say the was your make or break moment in your career?

there have been many, but if I had to pick one it would probably be a live presentation of a game show I did (Win Ben Stein's Money) Ben and I did the show for a hundred Tv execs. It went exceptionally well, but only Comedy Central (then, a tiny cable network) was interested

Hey Jimmy, I used to listen to you when you were the sports guy on KROQ. Is there anything you miss from the small time days or is the success overwhelmingly awesome?

I miss a lot of things from radio. I miss the immediacy, the profanity, I miss many of the people I worked with - especially Kevin, Bean, and Ralph...I don't miss getting fired every ten months and having to move to a new city.

Was there any backlash from reaming out Leno on air?

yes, I am no longer allowed to ride on the back of the only steam powered jalopy in Burbank

What is your favorite late night talk show, besides yours?

I am and have always been in awe of David Letterman

I always regarded you as my favorite late night show host. What was highs school like for you and what clique (jocks, nerds, whores, late night show hosts) would you say you were in?

I wasnt really in one. I was in the "kids who made fun of all the kids in cliques" cliques. and, as a result of that, the virgin clique too.

Did you actually fuck Ben Affleck?

we call it lovemaking

Why do you keep getting skinnier? I like fat Jimmy.

he'll be back.

What is the most unmanliest thing you have ever done?

this

In the man show episode where you go to Snoop's house, did you actually smoke with him? You and Adam looked legitimately baked when you came out of that room.

I'll let you decide

Not American, so I havent watched your show... except for the Norm Macdonald interview on YouTube.

How was Norm like? :D

Norm like good. Norm good funny.

Are you friends with Stephen Colbert or John Stewart and how do you feel about their shows?

yes and yes - and they are as great off the air as they are on it.

Was the episode where you got "bit" by the snake on air your idea? I remember watching this as a little kid and thinking you were actually hurt.

it was, yes. we kept that a secret even from most of our crew. people were freaked out and some were even angry with me. it was fun though - like watching your own funeral

How difficult is it to come up with monologue material on a nightly basis?

some days it is a lot easier than others. guys texting photographs of their genitals definitely helps.

Are you listening to Howard Stern right now?

I was in the car on the way over. Bai Ling

Are you my father?

Yes, but "Asking for money for yourself will get you banned."

Who came up with the Matt Damon joke? It cracks me up every time...

Been a big fan since the beginning. Sorry about your uncle, that was a pretty moving show when you came back from vacation though.

thank you. it was an off-hand joke at the end of a season one show. we had terrible guests that night and, to amuse our producer Jason Schrift, I jokingly apologized to Matt Damon for bumping him. I started doing it regularly just to make Jason laugh, and from there....

What is your opinion on the Occupy movement?

I am always glad to see people doing something - even if doing something looks like doing nothing. We are all far too complacent. We complain and complain about the people we elect without pointing a finger where we should - at ourselves for doing nothing about it. And with that said, I will now do nothing about it

What was it like starting a talk show with people who had never worked in TV before, specifically Bill Simmons? His retelling of the build up to the show launch makes it seem like he had no idea what he was doing but making it up as he went along.

Bill's retelling of the tale was spot-on. we had no idea what we were doing. and it is possible that we still don't.

Is your middle name really Batman?

yep

I'd love to hear more about the Fox, that elderly band leader you guys had on the Man Show who could drain a pint in seconds.

he was (and always will be) the fastest beer drinker in the world. I loved that man. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=d-XgsgTI_Lw

Bill Simmons, how did the connection happen between you guys?

I read his column regularly and loved it. When I got the ABC show, I reached out to him. He was reluctant to move out of Boston, but was unable to resist being so close to the 90210 beach house.

1. I'm CDN, so thanks for not making the YouTube clips region specific.

2. You're awesomely hilarious, but you already knew that. My favourite skit was the drunk pilot stunt. Master troll material.

3. What's your logline-length advice for kids who want to get into the entertainment industry? (not porn)

1. make funny videos and put them on the Internet. If they are great, people will pass them around. I promise.

How long did it take you to film the Handsome Men's Club?

Were there any other people you wanted to get in that skit but were unable to?

it took weeks. we pieced it all together. I still dont know how they did it. And yes, there were people we asked - Clooney, Pitt, and a few others who - for a variety of reasons, couldn't or wouldn't.

Will Santa Carl be making an appearance this year?

he do!

Hey when are you going to do Maron's podcast? I have a pretty deep suspicion that you've got some of the best stories in the business. It'd be pretty great if you shared them in a format like that.

very soon. we have something on the calendar.

Are you always stoned, or are your eyes just very small?

I have the skin and eyes of a baby

What is your opinion on the job Joe Rogan and Doug Stanhope did in replacing Adam Carrola and yourself as hosts of the Man Show?

with the producers they got stuck with, they never had a chance...

The late night talk show field has gotten really overcrowded over the past ten years. What used to be just Jay followed by Conan vs. Dave, has become Jay followed by Jimmy followed by Carson Daly (lol, you've left your TV on and fallen asleep) vs. Dave followed by Ferguson vs. You vs. Stewart and Colbert vs. Conan vs. Chelsea Lately...

Is this a concern to you and the other executive producers? What are some of the ways your show tries to stand out among this crowded field?

not really. if it was an intimate party, we probably wouldnt have been invited to attend.

What is Guillermo like in reality? Is he more like how he acts on the show or is he completely different?

he makes me laugh every time I see him. It is hard to resist pinching him on the cheek

Do you ever pee with your eyes closed and feel really awesome when it actually goes in the toilet?

I'm excited if I can do that with my eyes open

As one ASU dropout to the next, best decision or greatest decision?

not really a decision. I got a radio job in Seattle and departed college immediately.

Your Toronto video was hilarious. How did you enjoy your stay? Favorite place or restaurant to visit?

I love Toronto. And Vancouver. And Montreal. I would seriously consider moving to Canada.

People tell me I look like you all the time. I try my hardest not to be offended. What's your opinion? Me

I'm trying my hardest not to be offended

How much say do you have for the musical guests appearing on your show?

I am all-powerful

Best memory of The Man Show?

when the monkey shit on the dwarf in the hot tub full of tequila...or something like that

How much of "Between Two Ferns" with Zach Galifinakas was scripted? You were hilarious on that BTW.

none of it - thank you