IAmA Son who talked his father and pregnant step-mother into doing something that resulted in their being killed - AMA

When I read that you saw them holding onto each other as they fell it struck me as beautiful in a very tragic way. Does it give you some comfort knowing they had each other in the end?

It does give me some comfort. You're the first person to ever ask me that- thank you.

I have a friend whose father was killed in a motorcycle accident. My friend blames himself "BECAUSE HE DIDN'T TALK TO HIS FATHER AS HE LEFT THE HOUSE." My friend believes that those 30 seconds of conversation would have saved his dad's life.

Just exactly like him...YOU ARE NOT TO BLAME!

Now that I'm older, I know I'm not to blame but as a young teen, the guilt was crippling.

It's usually not until years after that we can look back at traumatic times and realize how desperate we were do anything to reverse the damages. Our self-centered ego's reoccurring question, "what could I have done?" often leads to misplaced guilt, even if the reason rarely, even weakly, correlates to the real cause/s. Sorry for your loss OP

Very true!

I hope that you can get past that and enjoy life.

I have and I am as best I can.

You can't take that on yourself, bud.

I know now but when I was younger it was pretty brutal.

It's not your fault :( There are some things that are inevitable.

So why did you cancel last minute?

I'd met a really cute blonde girl who asked me out on a date!

She saved your life! Did you marry her?

I wish, she's a beautiful/wonderful woman!

She's still a close friend to this day.

You owe that woman everything so it seems.

She's still a close friend to this day

Do you know EXACTLY what happened? How many people were there?

Yes, a faulty valve released gasses which caught on fire. There were 9 people, 4 died.

I'm so sorry mate.

Thanks.

How do you feel about the people who did survive?

I've always been happy for them.

You can survive falling from a hot-air balloon?

Sure, if you're not blown up or dropped from too high.

So how's it going?

Ok now, still have some rough patches. Once and awhile, the media will play a clip from the accident. Always catches me off guard. I miss them a lot.

Ok, I tend to get a little stressed every year about the time it happened.

It wrecked my little brother though, he's still having troubles.

Oh man. How's your relationship with him? Does he blame you at all?

We haven't talked in years, he's a brutally angry man.

My best friend is the same way. Although he doesn't feel guilty for the death of a loved one. BTW I'm really sorry to hear this. He went through a lot of abuse and lack of love from his parents. Mainly his father. I went through some similar shit, but my mom and brother. We have known each other for 19 years. He has changed a lot. He is hateful, vengeful and envious. It pisses me off to see my friend become something that I know he isn't. I feel our situation is similar. This dude is my brother. Not by blood, but in my mind and heart. It can be very painful to deal with. Also he let money get to his head. I was raised to never put money before people. So yeah, I hope you can talk to your bro. I have been kewl with my biological brother for awhile now. He caused me a lot of mental problems in the past do to his addiction to meth. He has been clean for years now. Very kewl dude.

Blood doesn't make family, big lesson I've learned.

Money will really screw with people, I've been dealing with that during this recession.

Meth is so bad, so bad...

Well, hang in there. I'm sure you hear this all the time but it's not your fault. Just a freak accident.

Thank you.

Dude.. I don't have anything to ask. I just want to say that was a heartbreaking story. You have a beautiful way with the written word. I'm sure this is a topic you certainly didn't want to have to use your talent on, but you seem to have captured such raw emotions that you endured through the years.

What's really important is how loved you were by your dad and PJ, and how lucky you were able to reconnect with him. And how also lucky you were that you had a date, because your family would have been even more devastated if you had gone up in that balloon, too.

Props to you, man, for being strong and sharing this with people. Nothing can ever bring them back, but those good memories are yours, and no one'll take them.

Thank you so much for taking the time to write this! I'm grateful to be alive. I have 3 beautiful children now and love every minute I have with them.

Would you ever go on a balloon ride after that?

No, not in a million years. I went to the fiesta once after and it was brutal.

What made you go?

My children wanted to see it.

I was going to ask if you had children. I'm glad you were able to become a father yourself after your childhood experiences. Do you think this has affected your parenting style? Your views on your role as a father?

Without a doubt. I'm a great father, people tell me that I'm the best they've ever seen. I give my children everything I wanted and missed out on.

Candy for breakfast?!?!

Not that nice!

Life insurance?

No life insurance, I did get a little money from the lawsuit.

You were given the raw end of the deal. What is your religious preference?

After that - none. I literally looked to the sky and said I hate you to god.

That's either Catholic or Jewish.

I consider myself a "recovering Catholic"!

from canada, please accept my love and tears (crying at work, glad no one else is here)

Thank you Canadian - I LOVE TIM HORTONS!!!!!! I have a daughter who was badly injured at a hospital in the USA. We've spent a ton of time in Picton Canada getting her help. Every morning I'd go get a "double double"!!!

Here is my daughters story: http://moomock.blogspot.com/2010/04/our-day-in-hell-part-1.html?zx=50cf882548df95c6

have you ever done an AMA on this? that is quite a gut wrenching story (numbering is off btw, or did you remove a post?)

I've done a couple AMA, will do again. I'm not surprised the numbering is off, I keep adding and removing chapters.

Thanks for the heads up.

Hard question. Would you have rather been on the balloon with them?

Until I saw my 1st child... Yes, without a doubt. I was very clear that I would have rather died with them. It's hard to explain the pain of something like that and the "romantic" thought of being one of the ones who died is very attractive.

What happened to you afterwards? Where did you go?

I went down the tubes for years. I bounced around from home to home. I took every substance possible to numb myself out. Brutal time that robbed me of my innocence

Wow. What a very intense experience.

Yeah, a "life changer" for sure.

You are stronger than I am.

I doubt it, it's all relative.

Can this be a "trust me" moment?

Sure!

How long did it take you to realize it wasn't your fault, and who/what made you realize that?

Took me about 10 years. I was tired of carrying the guilt around, I let it go. It rears its ugly head now and then but I'm older and wiser; I know it's not my fault.

Thanks for answering so quickly, did you go to any type of therapy, or did you just "wait it out"?

I had on and off therapy when I was younger. Lots of therapy when I became an adult. Self medicated for years.

I hope that everything is now getting better for you, I lost my father through different circumstances when I was 14 and this is the eighth year since then. I know what it's like when you lose people you love way too soon. I have to ask, apart from the alcohol and drug abuse, how did you manage to cope? Do you believe that they are watching over you every day? I believe that my dad is watching over me and it makes me happy knowing that he is proud of me out there somewhere still.

I was in denial for years, I thought he was still out there somewhere. Id see somebody who looked like him and I'd run up to the person. In my 20's, I jumped into work to cope. Work was wonderful for numbing everything but wasn't healthy. I now write, talk and hike as coping skills.

I'm sorry for your loss and I do believe that our lost ones are with us all the time.

Ah, I was in shock for a long time after he died as it was so sudden, i burst into tears a lot. I found myself dreaming of him a lot too. Did you ever dream about them at all?

I'm sorry for your losses too. Empathy is a wonderful thing, I got annoyed with people who were being fake and sympathetic at the time he died, but I was a teen and dealing with a lot of complicated emotions at the time.

I dreamed about him so much that I didn't want to wake up - ever. I didn't want to leave him.

The people who were fake or shallow when I lost my dad are still on my "fuck you" list. So easy to see through people like that.

You doing ok now?

In my adult life, I had to go through something equally horrific with my daughter. I've also written about it: http://moomock.blogspot.com/2010/04/our-day-in-hell-part-1.html?zx=50cf882548df95c6

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I love Albuquerque, went to Albuquerque high.

I also went to Albuquerque ^high.

Bulldog!

Every year something awful happens during the Balloon Fiesta. I know people enjoy it but I almost wish they'd stop it.

I'm sorry that your family went through that horrible situation :(

I wish they would stop it too but there is way too much money involved.

Don't let yourself continually think 'What if I had done this or this' That will just drive you crazy. I'm not a person who believes in god or anything but I do believe stuff happens for a reason. You can't blame yourself. You obviously tried to plan a fun family day and no one could've predicted what happened. Stay strong!

Thank you!

Thanks!

Who took care of you after the event? And who helped you with the legal aspect of things.

I bounced from home to home, ending up with my grandparents; they were lifesavers. My grandfather was an attorney and took care of the nasty legal stuff.

the text says the officers mentioned "mr. and mrs. wilson," but the newspaper clippings talk about "nick brainard." why the discrepancy?

it also sounds like the plan was just for them to watch the balloons launch, not get in one. do you have any idea why they decided to get in?

I changed the names because of my x wife's litigation against me. I'll change it all back to my name - Brainard soon; the litigation is over.

So... yeah... read your whole blog.

This would be the first wife, mother of your first two? I know you shouldn't post about such things publicly, but what in the sweet weeping fuck could she possibly be suing you for?? If your blog is even remotely unbiased, it should really be the other way around.

She wanted me to never speak a word about what happened. She sued me numerous time, never won and got into a lot of trouble.

What really gets me is that had people kept their wits about them and not jumped out immediately, everyone could have lived. It's sad to think that it could have been avoided even after the fire.

This bothers me too and I bet they've regretted it their entire life.

You are 100% CORRECT.

i'm no suggesting anything, but have you ever had any suicidal thoughts or anything?

Oh yes, for many years, it was intense, I'm surprised I'm alive.

"There was a gold colored band present around the left ring finger..."

A story about someone getting their life turned around and on track... and then...

I think I'm going to call my parents and tell them how much I love them.

Please do, I'm very vocal to the important people in my life about my love for them.

So.. you sued someone, right?

Yes - Lloyd's of London, the insurance company.

Wait - I just read above that there wasn't an insurance settlement. I believe you mentioned you were awarded a small stipend from the law suit. Without being too nosy, may I ask what happened? I'm positive there are scores of people here who have also had issues battling it out with various other insurance agencies.

No life insurance, we sued the balloons insurance company "Lloyd's of London". If I could do it over, I would have held out for a lot more.

What I'm curious about though is what you specifically sued over. Well actually, more like why Loyd's of London chose not to pay the insurance amount in the first place. It seems like an incredibly dickish move on their part (although insurance companies have never been considered nice to begin with).

Insurance companies are brutal. We sued for the faulty valve which was the manufacturers fault.

I should have gotten millions, didn't even come close to that.

Has the incident made you stronger as a person?

Very much so. I've also found its helped me to help others who've had tragic events.

Very much so. I've also found its helped me to help others who've had tragic events.

I was also going to ask if it has caused you any physical problems. I remember my friend (whose father had passed) developed insomnia and had awful nightmares for the first few months.

I've had horrible nighmares and insomnia ever since. Interesting you bringing this up.

Let's hear a little about your wife and kids.

Well, my wife is from Hungary, I met her about 5 years ago. She works with disabled children.

My oldest daughter has Cerebral Palsy, she was injured at a hospital in Albuquerque. I've been writing a lot about her: http://moomock.blogspot.com/2010/04/our-day-in-hell-part-1.html

My youngest daughter is so COOL, she's my pal.

My son turned 1 yesterday (Cinco de Mayo!).

Did you know your stepmother's family? Was there any animosity toward you on their side?

They weren't mad at me. We all tracked each other down a few years back. Turns out I had a brother who lived very close to me and I never knew it.

Do you draw-paint or sketch?

No, I wish I did, it would have been a wonderful release. I've started writing though.

Man, this is brutally upsetting. I hope you can push through this.

Thank you.

I will

I am so sorry for your loss. I do have a question. How did this event affect your relationships with other family members? Did they blame you as you blamed yourself?

I don't think anybody blamed me but they walked on eggshells when they were around me after that. Very uncomfortable for me.

I know it's hard to believe this, but ultimately the decision to go into that balloon was theirs. believe me, I'm not saying it's their fault! but you made a case for them doing that based on what you thought was best for them and they listened to you. There wasn't a shred of anything evil in your suggestion and sometimes, as it happens, horrible, horrible things happen when they just shouldn't.

I'm so sorry for your loss, but I'm glad you have time to create a bond with your father and stepmother.

Unless i missed it, you don't say what happened to your birth mother. is it ok for me to ask?

Stay strong, and cherish the memories you were able to create with them.

He's a mess, I havent talked to him in years.

It's just onions...just onions ;-( Wish I could have been there for you man, I have had a fair share of deaths around me too, I know how bad that can feel around the time of death and then at random moments afterwards. Valar morghulis.

Onions get me too once and a while!

Thanks!

Thank you very much for sharing your story. Reading the questions and responses made my day as I'm it did the same for others. It reminds you that you can always count on Reddit to have your back. I'm sorry about your parents. Now, I must ask:

-Were you close with your Step-Mom?

I was, she and I were VERY close. My natural mom was a mess at the time so I was drawn to PJ. She was such a happy and funny lady who was always up for fun. I miss her terribly to this day.