722KL

I always said I wouldn't allow him to "take" my life too. i didn't want it to destroy me; he would have liked that.

Currently, I've finally found a great therapist. He tells me it might take a years but that I can heal.

My mom was always positive. She got sad and felt frustrated with aspects of the divorce process but she was always confident that it would work out. She was generous and compassionate. So many people told me, "She was my best friend." and so many more said "She was my favorite teacher." She was wise and strong. When I was in high school we had a code. Sometimes your friends put you on the spot and make you ask permission to do something you don't want to do like go to a party and you don't like the other people there. . . so our system worked like this: If I wanted her to say 'yes' I would ask "Mom, May I.....?" but if I wanted her to say 'no' I would ask "Mom, Can I.....?" It worked perfectly, my friends never caught on. She always had my back. I need her.

He is a tough cookie. He struggled for awhile, was withdrawn and untrusting, didn't appreciate relationships. He finally enlisted. His final year he spent in Afghanistan. I thought it would ruin him (PTSD and all). But to my amazement, it made him better. He came back wanting to be involved in our lives and wanting to have a relationship. He got married and his wife's kids call him Dad.
I always told my (ex) husband that no matter what if my brother needed me then he came first. Always.

He was charged and convicted of first degree homicide and breaking and entering with the intent to do harm.

Currently, I am seeing a therapist that is helping me. I tried many over the years. But mostly I deal with determination not to let him destroy my potential like he did my mother's.

My advice would be to keep your head up and keep trying to find a therapist you "click" with. There are lots of therapist who aren't the right one for you.

Thank you.