Amy Schumer

there is no way that guy could afford a computer.

I knew he loved me when he tried to slit my throat.

yes.

i'm a simple girl. with simple pleasures. and I support our blue collar workers.

The Brooklyn botanical gardens - we slow-dance, sipping prosecco under the stars.

just kidding. no date, please just come over! I'm already kind of drunk.

overalls, over a pastel pink Land's End turtleneck.

ooh wow, that's tough. i would suggest just putting him down.

(just kidding - find his birth parents and offer them visitation every other weekend)

oof, that's hard. i would say re-enacting the basement scene from pulp fiction. playing all the characters by myself.

no, Steve-O and i are friends. that reaction you witnessed was largely due to editing. I stand by that joke. and a joke it was.

Christian Bale or Joaquin Phoenix. I like speech impediments and tiny deformities.