ArcticLover

May I share something and give some advice?

I am so sorry that your life was ripped away like that. Tommy Sells was a rabid dog that needed putting down. He ripped your life away before you even got a chance to live it. And you've been punished for that every since.

I can relate and understand. When I was really young my mother ran around with a bunch of hippies, is kids just survived on who was sober enough to remember to feed us. A young, pretty blonde took me under her wing. One day I went with her on "a ride for supplies" and I was doped, woke up to her being dismembered and was doped again, I woke up 3 days later back with the hippies, my mom said I was dropped off by a van with two guys... The same two guys I described as killing the girl I was with, I can't remember their moniker, but they had a van with a toolbox in it with the stuff they used to kill women in the early 70s. I don't know why they didn't kill me or what they did do to me, but knowing evil touched me and let me live has been a life sobering mantra. Especially when I remember what they said to me when I woke up. There has to be a God out there that had a higher purpose for me to survive that as well as the childhood my mom made me suffer through.

I never felt I belonged anywhere until I moved to Alaska. It's the only place that has ever felt like home. And I just packed everything I owned into A motorhome and drove up here by myself and started my life all over not knowing a single soul... I love my life now.

You are meant for something greater. You were spared, you have a purpose. You just have to find out what it is and where you belong; like I did.

Sorry for the downer on your AMA, I just wanted you to know there are others out there like you.

If you ever need to talk, send me a DM, sometimes I'm slow (I'm old and married and grumpy.lol) but I will answer you within a day :) Keep you chin up!

Ahh thank you u/neuroplay_prod!

To answer the question... It's actually a combination of what they did and said that burned it into my brain forever. One of the men had grabbed me (mind you I was doped, dazed and almost 5yrs old) then shoved my hand into the warm wet gaping hole where her head once was and said "This is a bad dream, this is what a bad dream feels like. If you get up again you will be the next bad dream." I threw up all over myself from having my hand smushed into a freshly decapicated cavity.

My mom said I was gone for 3days, I had been bathed and had clean clothes on that weren't my own. When I was dropped off. I don't remember anything after throwing up,peeing myself then being force fed a warm glass of grape kool-aid that tasted like it had no sugar in it at all.

It's the most vivid memory I have.

And everyone wondered why I was an odd duck! Haha

Looking back on it now, explains why I didn't like playing with Barbie dolls... They're all young pretty blondes! They terrified me to no end! Makes sense as an adult now.

Awwh I completely understand how hard that is. My hubby hasn't seen his son since he was 3, 11 years ago, but that's because his ex is a controlling,megabitch,entitled,cow and runs with the kid every time we show up. He feels like he's failed his son, but it's out of our control, after a bunch of wasted money on airline tickets we have none left to hire a lawyer.

You just hit the nail on the head with your dad. He broke the cycle and became a great dad, then a tragedy stole his perfect life and instead of fighting back for the one child he had left, he fell back to what was easier and less work and a way to drown out his pain without considering he still had one child that survived that he needed to be that great man for. He put up his walls and drank a moat around them so nobody ever hurt him again. He didn't stop to think he was hurting those left with him. And that is his loss. No matter how hard you try or how much you try, he won't let you in because his trench is deep and wide with a towering wall behind it. Unfortunately when someone gives up like that, there's not much anyone can do until he's ready to face the ugly truth. And that really breaks my heart.

Don't beat yourself up too much over circumstances beyond your control. Just strive to do better by your son this next year.

Ahh ok, sorry. I got carried away and thought maybe you escaped ear/ons or something.