DanteShepherd

You and Johnny simultaneously drop your apples just right onto the weakest ridges aroudn Pompeii. The lost city cracks open to reveal a horde of feathered raptors, who were somehow perfectly preserved throughout time. Before you get a moment to take in the wonder of these dinosaurs before you, you and Johnny are devoured. In your last moments of thought, you think you can piece together what the secret of life may be, but it is obscured by the more deafening thought of AHHHHHHHHHH MY BONES

Kid, I'm just a chemical engineer. I'll tell you what type of chemicals NOT to cook it in (here's a hint: hydrofluoric acid is nasty nasty stuff!), but you may want to ask a physicist for a faster answer. I don't have my textbooks one me.

My dissertation was on developing thin film two-tiered polymer networks to be used as lubricant films on micro- and nano-scale devices. I was able to produce some of the lowest friction coefficients ever recorded for dry films, and at one point was in talks to use it with a pharmaceutical company that makes syringes. I don't do any of that anymore, unfortunately - but I love teaching and get to do that for several classes each semester, so I don't mind.

It'd be one thing if they were my graduate students. Then it's a slightly different relationship. But with undergraduates, there's so much expectations from the students in terms of what they should be given - some expect your handwritten notes to be made available, some push for every point possible on assignments and exams - that the formality is important to make sure they don't overrun you and make it impossible for you to run the class.

What the hell, Frank.