FinndBors

Eh, more of a "journalists don't reveal their sources"

1. Freedom of speech for the customer. They can cuss you out, you can't do the same.
2. Right to bare arms. You can roll up your sleeves if you want.
3. You don't have to quarter a customer. If they stay past closing, you can kick them out.
4. You can't search a customer for shoplifting, but you can revoke their membership.
5. You can't make a shoplifter incriminate themselves.
6. Customers have the right to a speedy checkout.
7. You cant return the same item more than once.
8. Foods that are cruel and unusual for the general public (ie. durian) are not allowed to be sampled.
9. (Edit: thanks xmindallas) These rights don't mean that customers don't have other rights that we forgot about.
10. Managers of branches can override certain mandates by corporate

Edit: thanks for the gold!

“I have an Olympic-sized condom for a marathon session”

Maybe go to a sperm donor?

I agree. I used to think I could write about my experiences, but then I kept second guessing myself, and then I told myself to hang on and keep trying, but eventually I realized that maybe I can’t write clearly about myself without meandering and going in circles and showing how hard I work, because I try too hard.