JackPlatinum

Have you ever farted a fart so heinous that it even made you gag? I just did that a minute ago in my cubicle and the people around me got all pissy.

Mr. Smith,

I once banged an orthodox Jewish girl in my basement while Clerks 2 played in the background. Yes, it was consensual. We finished before the musical number. Thanks for that.

Question: Why didn't you have a scene where Rosario Dawson is topless on a trampoline in Clerks 2? I think it would have really brought something to the film.

Also, you are the reason I started following hockey. I've never been a fan of any sports but hockey is just... captivating. I'm a NY Rangers fan, not too sure how you feel about that. But who do you see making it to the cup this year? Any predictions?

I'm perfectly okay with getting banged by Kevin Smith. You seem cuddly. I dig cuddly.

I also enjoy The Crow.

Last time Kev was here, he told me he banged me in my basement to one of his movies. He also said the two teams going to the cup are going to be the Penguins and the Ducks, aptly titling the series "Fowl Play". Wanna change that prediction now?

Also, Jay muthafuckin Mewes, you sexy bastard. The half-half-hole technique has been utilized in real life. I appreciate that. It's earned me excellent reviews, especially when accompanied by the swivel. My question to you: you ever wonder if you could fight off a classroom of zombified kids with nothing but school supplies? How many undead childrens do you think you could take before being overcome?