UndercoverDetective

Everything I did was illegal and unethical. I was buying illegal guns and drugs and facilitating other peoples purchases of drugs and guns.

Many times I would get into an organization and build it up. Guide them into having a bigger and better drug or gun organization than when I got there.

Guns and drugs walked all the time. It is not spoken about it is just part of that business.

As far as feeling bad. No.

As far as letting people go I will just say this. You never want to get everyone you deal with locked up. If you do you're going to take a burn and your undercover career will be over. You need people who can vouch for you on the street for years to come. As an undercover you are always creating doubt. If everyone you deal with gets locked up there will be no doubt it was you.

Never say anything to law enforcement without your attorney. Just your pedigree info (name, address, bday etc)

Even cops when they get in trouble don't speak without their attorney there.

That's a reality that I live every day of my life but it is no different from when I was active. I lived in the same borough as my subjects and would run into them at times with my kids there etc. That's why there is no "character" you have to be that same person 24/7.

Its 20 years later. Many of these guys are getting out now and they have been sitting in prison thinking about me.

A gun buy that went bad.

5 guys with guns against me and another detective in a project hallway in Brooklyn. About 50 shots fired. I thought I could hear the bullets whizzing by my head.

I got shot multiple times but obviously survived.

You go through the same as anyone who gets locked up and wait for someone from your field team to come get you. You don't tell anyone who you are including law enforcement. For your own safety and the integrity of the investigation.