Zouch

Hey Jon,

If this AMA isn't up to par by the end of the hour, do you plan on shutting it down?

Mr. Cross, I am a very big fan of your work, and I am excited to see your new film!

My question relates to a recurring dream that I’ve been having for the better part of seven years. It’s caused me to be restless and confused, and I am hoping that maybe (just maybe) you’ll be able to provide some clarity and closure for me. I asked Bob this question, but recieved no response. I haven't been able to sleep for the past few years.

You and Bob Odenkirk are standing in an empty arena. It kinda’ looks like Red Rocks Amphitheater in Colorado, but also has flair similar to that of The Docks in season two of The Wire. You are both there for a bitter fight to the death (as far as I could tell, the rules are pretty vague from this point onward) Both of you get to select one of two weapons. Whoever selects first forces the other combatant to have the remaining weapon. The first weapon is one of those giant q-tips from “American Gladiator,” but instead of a patriotic color pallet, it’s purple and yellow with a rather odd fuzzy outline on the handle. The other weapon available are a pair of boxing gloves but, instead of foam cushioning, each glove is equipped with a copy of Ayn Rand’s “Atlas Shrugged.” In the times that I’ve had this dream, you’ve selected the boxing gloves 65% of the time, for the record. You guys are told you can’t hit each other in the knees or the feet, but are reassured that this is a Last Man Standing battle for some unknown prize that you both desire with a passion that burns with the intensity of Eta Carinae.

When the fight starts, both of you are suddenly adorned with flowing bronze robes. Similar to what Jedi’s would wear if they weren’t shopping at a discount robe store. Lots of golden markings and streamers, it’s quite the sight. This, combined with the suit ties and jackets, makes for an interesting juxtaposition. During the battle, the music that plays ranges from the dramatic (Dmitri Shostakovich's “Symphony #5” movement IV [Allegro non Troppo]) to the not-so dramatic (Ace of Base’s “The Sign”). The fight usually lasts 10-22 minutes (with the exception of one two-second K.O. courtesy of Bob), but I always wake up immediately before the prize is announced by the announcement team (Werner Herzog and Scatman John) and the in-ring referee (The witch from H.R. Pufnstuf)

My questions are as follows:

1-What weapon (of the two listed) would you really select?

2-Who would actually win, and in what fashion?

3-What would the prize be?

When Bob does another one of these, I’ll ask him again as well. I really need to get a good night’s sleep, it’s been far too long.

If you do shut it down, make sure you give it a slick new name and three more speed wells.

Do people make Thunderdome jokes in your presence, or is everyone beyond that now?

What would you say to anyone considering picking up (or currently playing) the bass guitar?