bcurr2328

Just want to say this is the best answer I've ever seen on an AMA. Thank you! (BTW, my kids loved the show when they were younger - we still listen to the soundtrack on occasion!)

This is where I think couples often make a huge mistake. Children should be a compliment to a relationship, not a replacement, and certainly not a foundation.

My wife and I have 3 children. One thing we have always agreed on is that our relationship to each other comes first - no exceptions! I think what often happens is people love each other, have children, transfer that love to the children and don't have any left over for one another. Then, when the children grow older and move out into the world on their own, the parents find that they no longer know each other.

No matter what happens, my first priority is my wife. And you know what's funny? Our kids wouldn't have it any other way. It grounds them, and I like to think teaches them how a loving, considerate, and respectful relationship should work. I believe this to be the foundation of a successful family and marriage.

I think it's mostly small things. Hypothetical: If the kids are wanting to go out and see a movie, but my wife wants to just go out to dinner - I would never dream of saying no to my wife and going to that movie, and the kids know that also. Of course, they also know that often we'll compromise and do the things they want to do instead. Bottom line is, and it sounds kind of harsh, but they don't really have a vote. They can make suggestions when it comes to small decisions, but at the end of the day my wife and I are a united front - and they're okay with that. Of course we know that we'll have to ease up occasionally, especially with adolescence rearing its ugly head, but I feel like a valuable life lesson for kids is to learn that accommodation goes hand in hand with consideration.

When we argue, we always make sure that the kids are not involved. If there is a question as to how we should handle something involving them, we make sure they are out of the room. This is not a democracy! Of course we don't always agree, but at the end of the day the most important thing is that the kids know that we support each other in our decisions.

I love my wife and I love my children equally. BUT, my love for my kids is not as important as my love for my wife (again sounds harsh.) She is the person I will always be with. She is my best friend, and I really wouldn't have it any other way. I don't know if this formula works for everybody, but it works for us!