bodhi30

Have you encountered situations where the parents are alright and not entirely terrible parents but the child simply turned out the way they are? And how do you help decent parents who got a crap shoot on the parenting slot machine?

I'm very sorry that you've had to endure this. I'm labouring under the assumption that you were unaware. People rarely consider the repercussions that family/friends experience.

Did you have any suspicions? Do you have children? Are you particularly youthful looking? How was your sex life (please don't feel pressured to answer this but I ask since its an AMA.

Will you have to deal with any legal issues?

I'd also like to add that there are legal routes to protect you (ex. Changing your name; getting an accelerated divorce like the BTK Killer's wife). I hope that you are getting or seeking counseling. All my best to you and thank you for doing an AMA.

Again, I'm sorry for your experience. As far as BDSM goes, there is nothing pathological or wrong about that. We all have our own tastes :).

Do you think he used that to attain a wife and image of normalcy? Meaning he figured you'd have difficulty finding a mate (in your mind) and you'd be more likely to gloss over certain aspects of him?

How do you feel about all of this?

You're still so young. The difference in positive changes from 20s to 30s for me were huge.

The areas of psychology I study the most are the more avoided ones such as pedophilia. When I discuss how, as a society, we should handle it, most people fight me because they believe we should eradicate them altogether. While I loathe what they do, I try to be impartial. There are certain things we all desire that the majority do not agree with. A good example is you preferring BDSM. It's not for me, but it is a preference that harms no one else. Pedophilia is usually the result of someone else having been molested so it's sort of taught. A young child's only exposure and understanding of sex involves an older person doing that to them. Much like a fetish (philia) for feet is tied to an early sexual experience involving feet. I know many pedos end up committing suicide because they know it's wrong but it's like a regular male giving up sex. You should read up on the subject extensively as it will, in my opinion, help you separate yourself and who you are from him and possibly gain some peace.

Was it only porn or did he actually act on his sexual desires with children? I hope I'm not monopolizing this. Pedophilia is a subject I'm very curious about as a former clinical psych student. How old are you both? And do you feel that possessing pornography prevented him from acting on urges? (if he in fact did not act on them)