goliveyourdreams

I just read the introduction to your book and the beginning of chapter one on Amazon. It all sounds so familiar. I spent 15 years of marriage doing 90% of the work. I was the sole financial provider, but also got stuck doing most of the housework, cooking, cleaning, and so on. For my efforts, I was rewarded with disdain, emotional abuse and sexual manipulation.

When I finally hit my breaking point and left her, she fought like hell to stop the divorce, then took 2/3rds of everything I had and a substantial monthly child support payment when I refused to stay. This was last year. Today, while I'm working my ass off to make those payments and attempt to rebuild my savings, she's doing a part time gig at a coffee shop and taking $10,000 vacations. Oh, and the lawyers tell me I got off easy compared to other men.

My question for you: How would you suggest someone in my situation deal with the pressure of re-marriage? I'm dating a lovely woman who has been absolutely wonderful, but the dreaded M word has already come up. I feel like it is inevitable; if I want to be with her long term, marriage is expected. It scares the hell out of me. I'd be lying if I said there wasn't a large part of me that would rather spend the rest of my life alone than climb aboard that misery train again. Both the odds and the cards are all stacked against me.

We have talked and she has been very good about it, yes.

That said, society puts intense pressure on women to marry and that pressure rolls right down onto us men. The emotional implications to the woman are disheartening: She may feel her man does not love her as much as he says he does or that something is wrong with her. It can manifest itself as a form of rejection in her mind. For the man, there is the underlying assumption that he is afraid of commitment and/or wants a "disposable relationship." Being in a long term unmarried relationship is a tough road for a woman to take, especially in a very conservative area like mine.

But remember, if you really don't want to be married, don't be blackmailed into it. It is your one and only life and you have to think of your happiness, not just hers.

Words to live by. Thank you very much.