koryisma

I think it has to do with making personal relationships with "the other." You are much less likely to kill someone you know. You're not likely to fight someone you've shared a meal with...

I love this and may steal it to describe my interfaith marriage. Thanks for this gem!

I do too, but reservations only. No theory, just... I wouldn't be surprised or angry or upset if there were more to the story, and I wouldn't be upset if the government did something there and covered it up.

Interesting. I feel like my husband was there with me a few months ago (we separated for 8 months). He wanted to love me and like me but was resentful and didn't see a future with me. He liked me and had friend-love for me because of our past and he respected me still... but the spark was gone, his lack of communication meant that he had built up years of resentment and contempt, and he couldn't find the desire to be with me. He didn't see a future with me. His future with me made him feel anxious and avoidant and depressed.

I still am not sure what changed in him during the separation. Lots of soul-searching. Lots of people in his life saying "what are you doing?" Lots of us dating each other again and trying to build something together. In any case, he moved home and is more in love with me than ever. He is communicating when he is frustrated. He is showing love in ways that he didn't before. I understand his love language and am using that too. He got to a bad place again once, for a night (the night he moved home), but we talked through it, I validated that it was normal for him to feel anxious with a big life decision and that he as an adult needs to learn how to cope with that anxiety... and asked if he still felt love or desire even with the anxiety. He said "without a doubt" and that talking through it had made most of the fear and pit in his stomach go away.

So - I don't know what to say. We're in a better place now (much healthier together; I am much healthier as a person too after the separation and I think he is too. I recognize I am anxious attachment and he is avoidant, and the turmoil that can cause. I'm working towards a secure style, and have made strides. He is also less avoidant or at least communicative now before he avoids...)... but there were a period of months where he would say that these two things applied to him. And I am glad we worked through it and continue to work through it.

I was thinking the same thing-- you are able to be witty in the right ways, and create really vivid imagery in ways that sound like you are a native speaker. Kudos, man, and stay safe.