ludotls

No. The kind of chicks that want to bang their cabbie are not chicks I wanted to bang. I was propositioned several times but always wanted the money instead. One prostitute I drove was really insistent on paying with a blowjob but when I refused for the 5th time she reached up into her vagina and pulled out a condom with a wad of bills in it

One of favorite stories was the time I pepper sprayed a guy who wouldn't stop screaming "Lies from the tablecloth" at the top of his lungs

I was parked at Crabby’s, a little dive bar in downtown Huntington Beach, California which has an outdoor patio. Even through the window of the car and with the radio on I could hear this big drunk dumbass yelling that line. A couple hours later, I was back in the cab line and two cops walked up and tapped on the window and asked if I could take some drunk dumbass home. And then I see him - it’s the fucking “lies from the tablecloth” dude. They give me the address from his driver’s license and I start driving him home while he alternates between passing out and screaming out System of a Down.

When we pass the Denny’s on Beach Boulevard he yells out for me to stop. He wants to go to Denny’s. I was fine with dropping him off there because he was fucking annoying, but he said no he still wants to go home, he just wants pancakes first. I told him that I’m not waiting for that and he can call for another cab when he’s done.

But he was like, “No. I want us to eat pancakes TOGETHER.” He seemed genuinely hurt that I didn’t want to eat with him. “You’re really not gonna eat with me bro?” So rather than eat by himself he just got back in the car and we kept going and he went back to singing his song.

Then when we got to his house he tried to pretend he didn’t have any money.

I said, “How were you gonna pay for the pancakes then?” and he said LIES FROM THE TABLECLOTH!

I said, “The cops told me they checked your wallet and you had money.”

LIES FROM THE TABLECLOTH!

I said I was going to call the cops if he didn’t pay.

LIES FROM THE TABLECLOTH!

When I got out my phone to call the cops he lunged at me from the backseat and took my phone, so I pepper sprayed him and took it back. After he was done crying he gave me the money and was like ‘why did you do that man?’ and I told him I had to because he didn’t want to pay me.

He told me he didn’t want to pay because I wouldn’t eat at Denny’s with him.

The best day I ever worked believe it or not was Christmas day. I was kind of depressed starting out because 1. I wasn't seeing my family and 2. instead of my regular night shift I was starting EARLY in the morning. I think I went out at like 6am.

But EVERYBODY that day was incredibly nice. It was almost 100% Mexican families going to someone else in their families house. They all were sympathetic and tipped big.

One guy gave me a Santa hat and I wore it for the rest of the day and I got even more tips after that.

I also got more tamales than I could eat

Haha yes, but only if their friends were in a cab ahead of me. Those were actually pretty fun because I would race the other car. Sometimes they would offer to tip me more if I won the race. In those cases I always won

I would come inside fairly often if I felt safe. Made the job more fun. I went in the Alien Ant Farm guys house. I would go into old ladies houses. One old woman baked me a cake once. I had a regular customer who I was sort of in love with who invited me into her house while she got ready. There were maybe 5 or 6 people there and she just introduced me as Ludo, not 'the cab driver' which is why I liked her.

While we waited for her to get ready I drank a few beers and smoked a bowl with these dudes. Then when she was finally done, they asked 'so are we gonna take a cab?' and she was like 'yeah, that's our driver right there'

They all looked horrified as I stumbled up and slurred 'that's me! I'm the cab driver!'