sofiacarolina

Maris, thank you so much for being a part of this. I'm a bit over halfway through the documentary and your story is so much like mine with the hypochondria (worse at night..I'd have panic attacks every night afraid I was going to die), not relating to my peers, feeling out of control and developing anorexia because I felt at least I could control my body/food intake. i was also hospitalized for ten days which only helped my body, but not my brain..Eventually went back to my old ways at home...I was sent to an inpatient treatment center where I saw so many other girls suffering even more than me, with NG tubes up their noses and we were dehumanized so much, being weighed naked single file every morning and having our personal items taken from us because they wanted to control every aspect of our lives to make sure there were no triggers or anything ... I was there only three days thank god because my aunt and mom who had dropped me off there (it was out of state and I was only 13 at the time) didnt like what they saw...but my experience there shocked me into wanting to recover, and that made all the difference, wanting that recovery...I continue to suffer from body dysmorphic disorder and panic disorder (I go through phases with the panic attacks, right now I'm in a 'relapse' but I've gone through years without them before), but I am no longer anorexic. The thoughts are always there, though, due to the BDD. It's like an addiction imo, you can be sober but you're never not an addict. I feel like I'm no longer acting out the anorexic behaviors, but I'm still an anorexic, I still have that propensity. I understand if others that are in recovery do not want to label themselves as such or see it in this way, but it's how I see it and how I feel it is for me. I've done yoga and I love it, it is so good for my anxiety, I always say it feels like I had a xanax after LOL (that's what I'm prescribed for my anxiety), but I'm so bad at committing to something and practicing it everyday (unless it's self-destructive, that is, clearly).
So here's my question: Did you/do you ever struggle with practicing yoga? Like just wanting to stay in bed and do nothing, brood, and sulk? Not having the mental strength to get up and do it? How do you push yourself to remain committed?

Thank you so much for this quote. The wounded inner child is a concept I relate a lot to and I think is at the core of most of my issues, as with many people. The other day I did this thing where I hugged her and told her there was nothing wrong with her. I cried so much, which I never do. I will try to practice compassion - and yoga - more often! <3