thebalveneezy

I was just curious if doing porn has affected your ability to be vulnerable during sex. I enjoy having sex immensely, but broke up with a guy due to circumstances rather than conflict last year and haven't found anyone I'm even remotely interested in dating at this point, so I've tried out casual sex a few times. At worst, it did absolutely nothing for me and made me feel depressed; at best, it was with a friend who was nothing but polite, respectful, and caring, but it was only that--just sex. I thoroughly enjoyed myself, as did he, but after I realized that there were just a whole host of things that I personally couldn't do during sex with anyone that wasn't a boyfriend--kissing deeply and excessively during, entwining my fingers with theirs--basically, the things that differentiate "making love" and fucking.

My questions:

a) What do you really think about sex? Do you ever experience cognitive dissonance with sex as something that is vulnerable, intimate, a physical manifestation of love; and sex as a means of control or manipulation, as something to mercilessly chase, as a billion-dollar industry?

I've lost my taste for casual sex. It just doesn't appeal to me like it used to. For a really long time, I would get horny and think, God, I want to get fucked right now. Ever since my distinct shift in perspective, I now think, God, I just want to masturbate whenever I get really horny. I think part of is it the way I sometimes feel after I have casual sex--logically I know that it's nothing to be ashamed of, that I'm young and too busy for a relationship and not willing to settle, as long as I'm being safe there's nothing wrong it, religious/societal constructs are set up to shame sex and women especially for enjoying it, etc. etc.

But even after thoroughly fulfilling casual sex, I've still had moments where I was just sitting on the train or doing dishes, and just felt so massively conflicted. On the one hand, I really enjoyed it and there were moments that make me squirm just thinking about it... but in the moments after, when we've both come and are disentangling ourselves and cleaning up... the thought hits me that, I don't love this person, I won't be there to see them cry or see them weak and comfort them, and they won't be there to see me like that either and they don't want to. And I think that's what makes me feel empty.

b) Do you ever feel mentally or emotionally conflicted after you have sex? If so, how do you deal with it?

(For me, it was getting high, a 3-piece spicy chicken meal from Popeyes with dirty rice and a 12+ hour marathon of the Boondocks.)

yea but you're an asshole, which is kinda worse

when you were eating dinner at lutesse with Bobbi, the drapers, and the schillings, did you guys get to eat any food?

are utz actually better than nuts?