thesexwrap

Not communicating clearly and often enough about each partner's wants and needs.

We get this question a lot -- so frequently that we have an episode about it. You can find it here: Is it okay to watch porn?

For most people pornography doesn't have negative effects on sex and for many people it can a fun part of their sex lives.

Without good sex education, pornography can create unrealistic expectations about sex, penis size, female orgasm during PiV sex, no warm up anal etc... A lot of men's insecurity about penis size comes from comparing their perfectly perfect member to a porn stars massive cash earning wang. In this sense there can be some negative effects on sex, most of which can be overcome by contextualizing porn as a fantasy created by people who are being paid to fulfill fantasy roles and bodies and penises and breasts.

For very few people pornography interferes with normal life functions, relationships, and work -- in this case pornography is harming more than just sex.

(we live for "that's what she said" moments)

It is very rare that both (or all) partners in a relationship have exactly the same sex drive. Of course the first answer is looking for workable compromises and also talking to sex therapists to help facilitate that process. If compromises have been tried and sex therapists have been employed, then there comes a time when each person in the relationship must decide if this mismatch of libidos is something they are willing to live with to continue to be with that partner. For some people the answer is yes, and for some it is no. And both of those are ok.

Practicing with topics that are not as charged is a good first step. So maybe your partner is asking whether you want x or y for dinner. You can practice the skills of stating your preferences, wants, and needs with "I" statements. Each time you use these communication skills, they become more natural.

There will probably always be a little discomfort around voicing a complaint or concern, but acknowledging that discomfort and talking about it can help relieve the discomfort. (For example, saying "I feel nervous to talk to you about this, but I have a concern that I'd like to discuss with you.")