traceyh415

Of course I think about using. I can't control my thoughts. I think about all types of crazy shit but what counts is my actions. I think of heroin as the Ike turner of drugs. It beats your ass yet you can't stop thinking about that beautiful music you made together. Then one day you finally leave for good. You still hear those songs but you have to keep on stepping

oh wow. That is cool. #165 person saved.

Well I had a few moments like that. I think when I REALLY decided I needed to quit was when I was locked in the bathroom of a filthy hotel. I had blood all over me from trying to get a hit in my feet and ankles. I was switching from one dull syringe to a new one hoping to get the drugs inside of me. Then, i realized close to an hour had passed. It was a metaphor for my life. Everything was passing me by. I made up my mind I was going to do something and really make an attempt to get off drugs before I died in a bathroom like that one.

Oh yes. I tried to get "clean" a zillion times before I stopped. Clean isn't one thing, it is a series of things until you get to the place where you want to be. it is a process.

I think with heroin, in particular, you get so used to instant gratification and the drugs dictating your moods/emotions. When you quit, it is a rollercoaster. First your crotch comes back to life after a long slumber. Then, the rest of you is caught in the topsy turvy flow of this thing we call life.