Hi, I have been raped twice. When I was 12 my older cousin raped me while he was babysitting. From then on, I spent my teenage years desperately seeking any kind of affection from men. I slept with nearly 100 men and a few women before I was 20 years old. Then when I was 19, I was walking home from work at 11.30pm and was pulled into an alleyway and raped again, the rapist had a machete, and forced me into having anal and vaginal sex. He tore me open inside and I collapsed, hit my head on concrete and smashed my head open. I was left to bleed out, and would probably be dead now if someone hadn't found me.
After I physically recovered, I found that I lost interest in sex totally, I went from one extreme to the other. The first rape at a young age set me off on a downward spiral of seeking sexual contact, whereas the later one seemed to turn off all my feelings. I still have a lot of issues from it, I am very cold to people and have extreme social anxiety and suffer from panic attacks. I still seem to gravitate towards bad, controlling relationships. I don't really know what I'm asking here, it just seemed like a good time to write down what had happened. Sorry for the block of text I'm mobile right now, if you have any advice I would really appreciate it.
MyBoobsAreGold1316 karma
Hi, I have been raped twice. When I was 12 my older cousin raped me while he was babysitting. From then on, I spent my teenage years desperately seeking any kind of affection from men. I slept with nearly 100 men and a few women before I was 20 years old. Then when I was 19, I was walking home from work at 11.30pm and was pulled into an alleyway and raped again, the rapist had a machete, and forced me into having anal and vaginal sex. He tore me open inside and I collapsed, hit my head on concrete and smashed my head open. I was left to bleed out, and would probably be dead now if someone hadn't found me. After I physically recovered, I found that I lost interest in sex totally, I went from one extreme to the other. The first rape at a young age set me off on a downward spiral of seeking sexual contact, whereas the later one seemed to turn off all my feelings. I still have a lot of issues from it, I am very cold to people and have extreme social anxiety and suffer from panic attacks. I still seem to gravitate towards bad, controlling relationships. I don't really know what I'm asking here, it just seemed like a good time to write down what had happened. Sorry for the block of text I'm mobile right now, if you have any advice I would really appreciate it.
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