ProblemPie

One of my favorite Asimov pieces.

See, I know that you guys are loaded because you can afford fucking Blue Apron.

EDIT: I, too, read that /u/tuuber is an engineer and his wife is a statistician. The joke is that that isn't what tipped me off to their well-to-do status, but the fact that they eat exclusively Blue Apron meals did.

This has been Comedy 101 with /u/ProblemPie. Thank you.

Fuck you! Ain't no Goddamn space brick gonna tell me what to do!

Dude, people are awful. Like half a year ago it had been raining particularly hard one day, and on my way to work I saw a car on the edge of an embankment. Nobody was stopping, so I pulled up behind it, turned my flashers on, and ran over to the car.

There was a girl inside, a bit younger than me. The car was at an angle at which she couldn't get out on her own, and had been teetering there for about ten minutes, threatening to roll down into the flooded ravine.

I yanked her out of the car and we waited for a tow truck, which managed to haul her car back onto the street. The thing about all of this, though, is that I'm not a hero. I didn't even do a good thing. I just did what every other asshole brushing it off as not their problem should have done.

Bad luck! A rival Amish community has burned down three of your most productive crop fields, pay $1,000 for labor to replant the fields and proceed to GO.