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actually masturbating nude for a play? you were in some sort of porno, son!

1. Avoid alcohol, caffeine, nicotine, etc before bed

2. avoid electronics 2 hrs before bed, or use a blue light screen filter found on most modern phones

3. have a healthy snack before bed, a mixture of protein and natural sugars will help keep your cortisol level low until you're supposed to wake up

4. Don't sleep in, stick to the same sleeping schedule

5. Heat/Cool your bedroom, optimal sleep occurs between 65-75°F.

6. Exercise every day, during the daylight

7. Get 20 minutes of natural sunlight each day

If you still wake up at night, try practicing a calming breath technique: inhale for 4 seconds or so, exhale for 8 seconds, and gently hold your breath for 4 seconds or so, before inhaling again. The prolonged exhale presses on your Vagus nerve and calms the parasympathetic nervous system. Holding your breath increases CO2 levels in your blood temporarily causing a sleepy feeling.

Instead of closing your eyes and wishing for sleep, keep them open as long as possible. this is basically a "reverse psychology" trick on your brain, and it will want to close your eyes and knock off.

things joke would never do

accurate typo is accurate

they got rid of everybody but Spade

You just referred to yourself in the 3rd person. I think this AMA's a sham!!! I'm never going to watch repeats of early 90s SNL shows ever again!

you have quite the recall of all of these details...Courtney!