awh

This isn't an AMA; this is you using /r/iama as a vehicle to rally your Personal Internet Army.

I tried looking it up but couldn’t come up with a combination of search terms that wasn’t going to get me put on a list.

I've got some guy friends who also have two moms and love lesbian porn.

I think a lot of guys have a man and a woman for parents and love heterosexual porn.

I'm pretty sure I'll have to jam a finger up my arse

where's a napkin to wipe the coke off my monitor?

Yeah. Coke. That's what you've got all over your monitor.

This one isn't particularly genius but it does convey the basics of the story, I think: http://imgur.com/aeZ1s.png