mgedmin

Translation for those who don't read Russian:

AUTOBIOGRAPHY

I, Yusov Nikolai Ivanovitch, born 32 December 1843 in the state of Arkansas, USA, finished West Point War Academy (department of diversionary practice).

In 1969 I landed in the Moscow forest massif, to infiltrate the Preparation Center of Kosmonauts and sabotage all manned Russian flights.

I've been doing that successfully until now, and I've full trust of the KGB and CIA.

My father, Brezinsky Ivan, during the revolution personally killed with a sabre 76 kommisars from Baku, and my sister and brother, working in Riga, successfully sabotage Russian nuclear submarines, steal nuclear warheads and sell them to Honduras.

I'm also related to the pilot Hammersom (USA), who dropped the third nuclear bomb on Tokyo (the bomb didn't detonate), and my uncle Hammers, being mentally ill, jumped out from the bomber B-29 without a parachute after the bomb. Nobody knows about that.

I've defended a dissertation on the topic of "Secret insertion of superdoses of alcohol into the blood system of kosmonaut candidates" and effectively implement it on test subjects.

I carry full personal responsibility for the veracity of all the facts of my autobiography. Lt. colonel N. I. Yusov, candidate of technical sciences.

Signature 1 April 1982

(Actually, CRU is the Russian spelling for the CIA. I'd forgotten that -- I'm not Russian myself.)