mindful2

That is an extremely insightful question!

Is it possible to completely eliminate social anxiety?

No. Everyone has some social anxiety. Thinking that you're going to completely eliminate it actually keeps you stuck in it. Realistically, your goal should be to reduce social anxiety to a manageable level.

or it all about recognizing/managing/coping with it?

It is about (1) reducing your anxiety to a manageable level, and (2) recognizing/managing/coping with the anxiety at that level.

Think of social anxiety on a continuum of 0 to 10. Where 0 = no anxiety and 10 = off-the charts anxiety. Here are a few important points:

**No one is at a zero in every social situation.

**Those who have a 1-5 fear level have some anxiety but it's manageable. That's the "normal" level.

**Those who have a fear level of 6-10, anxiety symptoms are intense enough to make social interactions painful and this is seriously impacting their life (career, relationships, quality of life).

So if you're at a 6-10 level, your goal is to get anxiety down to a 1-5 level (level will vary between 1-5 depending on the social situation), and to develop a tolerance for the anxiety at that level.

When you watch your family and friends in the 1-5 level, they seem calm. But they do have some anxiety. The difference is that they are tolerating and expecting the anxiety. They are also thinking about the situation differently as explained in this post.

Yes, "I'm socially awkward" "I don't want to be here" "I hate small talk" is self-talk that will keep you stuck in SA. The first one is self-critical and recovery requires self- compassion. The second and third are fighting reality, and fighting reality exacerbates your anxiety.

Here are some ways you can reframe this self-talk with self-compassion and radical acceptance of reality:

*"I have social anxiety right now, but I'm working on it, and over time I will be able to reduce my anxiety to a manageable level."

*"Small talk is something I have to do sometimes in life. It's not what I love to do, but not everything in life is something I love to do, and that's ok."

Go for it!

Yes, practice and gradual desensitization are key :) See the diagram in my blog showing how the Law of Habituation works. Practice is what brings the anxiety down.

It's like learning to ride a bike or drive a car. When you do it the first time, you're really scared. But the more you do it, your anxiety goes down. That's how it works with public speaking anxiety. The key is to find a safe group where you can slowly and gradually desensitize.

It would be great for you to join a Toastmasters group. Or a "pre-toastmasters" group (like a laboratory) where you can desensitize step-by-step before jumping into the deep end of the pool.

In addition to public speaking desensitization, I recommend that you find ways everyday to increase your tolerance of scrutiny. Public speaking anxiety is caused by a fear of negative judgment and scrutiny. So the more you can increase your tolerance of scrutiny, the better.

Here's an exercise to try (ask a friend to help you): Sing happy birthday to your friend on a street outside a store. Or hum in a store while shopping. Notice that nothing bad happens. One of the things you want to teach your brain is that scrutiny does not have horrible consequences. Tell yourself, yes some people looked at me, but did anything really bad happen? Am I really paying a price for this?

Start off doing scrutiny exercises that you can handle easily. Find things that are a bit of a stretch for you (just outside your comfort zone) but not overwhelming. Something you can handle but is slightly uncomfortable. Then go to the next challenging situation. So if the singing happy birthday is too much at first, start with something easier.

Try to invite scrutiny at least once a day. Remind yourself that nothing bad happens. As you get comfortable with the first exercise, try to do progressively more challenging exercises.

Let me know your thoughts!

Hey Osborconn, yea good question! Test anxiety is a type of performance anxiety where you're on the hot seat. So you should expect to have some anxiety in that situation. But if you have too much anxiety, it can botch up your grades.

So I've found that the first line of defense is really making sure you know the material inside and out. Because you have test anxiety, you may need to spend more time studying than others who don't have test anxiety. It's kind of like practicing a speech over and over - the more you practice, the more comfortable you will be during the pressure situation.

Learning the material inside and out really applies when you're studying lots of information. You have to spend a lot of time reading and re-reading and formulating in your mind the key principles and "big picture." That ensures that you develop a deep understanding of the overarching principles and how the details fit into those.

The second line of defense is learning test taking strategies. This doesn't apply to all tests, but is an example. Like on a timed test, you may want to quickly answer all the questions you know and then come back to those that need more time. That way you'll definitely get the points for those items you know. Here are some good test taking strategies.

Let me know what you've tried that hasn't worked. And are there any that have worked for you?

Yea, you're right! I did not give a very thorough or satisfying response. My head is wrapped around public speaking situations and social anxiety more than it is around test anxiety. But I'll come back to this question again. :)

you won't always know everything and it's exactly those times when you need a better solution!

I really like what you said here:

What I HAVE found to work on myself and others is reframing what meaning there is to the test, so that fear isn't stressing you out in the first place because you understand that it's ok to "fail".

Yea, it's a paradox that giving yourself permission to fail can take that pressure off and can provide the mental clarity you need to succeed. Thanks for bringing that up.