I just had gender reassignment surgery (Sex Change), Ask me Anything!

I don't really have any questions I just wanted to congratulate you. I wish you the best.

That's very kind of you. All the best to you, also!

Okay, so I'm getting pretty annoyed with this question because it has popped up a million times, I've answered it, and people are still demanding I answer it, so here it is.

"Are you going to tell people you have sex with your gender history?"

The answer to that question is yes. I am going to tell them, because I have sex with people in circumstances that I care about them as a person and can judge whether or not they will bring harm to me.

Here is a thread that discusses this in depth.

http://www.reddit.com/r/IAmA/comments/1h7uky/iama_transgender_woman_two_weeks_from_gender/cas9evh

I don't have a question. I just wanted to point out the similarities of our usernames. That is all.

I think I actually tried having your name originally.

Would love for you to do a "One year on from gender reassignment surgery ama". I think you would have so much more to offer then, not taking away from what you would give now. Gratz on such a momentous time in your life!

I'm doing a follow up after I've recovered and had sex. I think that'd be about right. :)

For what reasons did you consider NOT getting the surgery? Didn't you have second thoughts? If you were the only person left in the world would you still care to change your gender? Why did this surgery really matter to you?

I'm not only asking out of my own curiosity, but because I end up discussing issues like this with friends. Although I'm pretty progressive about homosexuality and even polyamory, I don't know where my thoughts are when it comes to PHYSICAL gender change. Like, to me I can't help thinking about sex-changers in the same way I think about people who get cosmetic surgery. In the back of my head I can't help but ask "could this person learn to be equally happy with the body they have if they thought more positively or were simply more easy-going, even if it isn't their ideal? Is this really necessary for their well-being, or is it just based on a desire, like bodybuilders who feel a need to use steroids to be happy?".

I don't mean to offend, I honestly don't know and these are the thoughts in the back of my head.

That's interesting to ask.

Here's my thoughts on the matter. There have been many types of treatment discussed for transgender people. Administration of original sex hormones, aversion therapy, CBT, everything. The suicide and depression rate increases or remains the same given these methods of treatment.

The only method of treatment known to genuinely offer quality of life is my satiating the desire to identify by the gender choices one wishes to aspire to.

If there were a pill that would make one 'feel like a man', I would strongly advocate for the use and administration of such a pill in Male to Female and similar patients. The medical, emotional and social issues sustained from current methods of treatment would vanish in an instant, being replaced by a few drug side effects.

However, this doesn't exist. We don't have a choice in the matter, and the only way I've found myself able to get up and get on with my life and times is to live as female. The surgery is an important part of my identity.

Hi, i'm a 16 year old male to female transgender. I've only been out for three weeks, and sometimes, it seems like a long road ahead of me, and this gets me down. But it's stories like yours that really give me the extra push to have faith in what I want my life to be. Sorry, no questions, but thank you for sharing :)

Best of luck, dear. I wish you nothing but comfort. If you want to discuss, feel free to talk to me.

Do they give you ice cream in the hospital?

What is your favourite type of ice cream? Did this in any way impact your decision to change sex?

They do offer ice cream.

It did, actually. The hospital I'm at offers a chocolate option. Huge facet.

Did you save your sperm for reproductive reasons if you wanted someday?

I did not.

Would you ever want children in the future, or is that something you'll decide later on?

I would like children.

So...wouldn't not freezing some sperm have been a pretty bad idea?

Depends how you wish to conceive.

You can now call yourself an Xman

What's my super power?

Being Happy

Absolutely lovely.

Are you able to have orgasms after your outtie has been made into an innie?

It's a possibility, but we can't be sure until I've tried.

You can't be sure? Damn girl, you are one brave motherfucker. I never ever ever would be willing to do anything that involves a risk of me not being able to orgasm again. Keeping my fingers crossed for you!

I care more about having the right genitals than having them work.

Well what are you waiting for? :)

To not be in agony!

do you have any "phantom" movements down there?

Tonnes. It's all I've been getting for days. It's really quite disturbing, haha.

I constantly feel like the tip of my foreskin and the side of my scrotum are tingling and aching.

Oh god that sounds so scary! Do you know if that will change soon? I've heared of FTM's having phantom boners but I never got arround to asking a post-op MTF. (also, im so jelous i won't have mine for another 2 years at least, I hope u recover soon)

It's really weird actually. Also I wish you the best with your future surgery.

It will change as my nerves actually re-attach over the next few months. Right now they're kind of up in the air thinking "What did you just do!? WHERE IS THE PEEPEE?!"

I'll update about that in my recovered IAmA. :)

OP

I am sorry about the amount of ignorance in this thread. All the hate, calling transmen and transwomen "fakes".

You are not fake. Don't pay attention to the misinformed cuddies in this thread.

It's why I'm ignoring it. Lots of kids around this summer time. Also lots of relevant questions. :)

A lot of relevant questions indeed. You are a kind woman to put up with all of this and answer questions to teach others.

I hope you have a fantastic and relatively pain free day today. :)

Pain free. You're a wonderful person for that wish. <3

holy shit, reddit pats itself on the back all the time for being so accepting yet there's a horrifying amount of transphobia going on in here. I think multiple people are literally going through and downvoting all of your comments.

sorry if you answered it in a previous AMA, but is your significant other male or female? how did you tell him/her that you were transgender, or were you already with him/her when you decided to begin outwardly identifying as female?

Male. I just told him before we met in person.

Yeah any question with a misconception or loaded question I just ignore. I found that with my experience with the last thread, nobody attempted to learn anything new, they just wanted to tell me how to act and what's right or wrong, with no knowledge of my life whatsoever.

so you guys met online? did it take him a while to get used to the idea or was he cool with it right away?

Cool immediately.

How did your friends and family first react to your decision?

My parents were caring and friendly, but didn't persuade me one way or another. They just watched my decisions unfold and helped my life path.

I lost a few friends, I gained many, and life is good for that.

Thats really good to hear, I'm sure the people that respected your decision stuck with you till the end. How long has this been a wish of yours?

Over 10 years now.

Do you think you're gonna miss stand up peeing?

Nope. Although I have to pee standing up now because I have a catheter in and my urine gathers in a bag by my leg which I have to empty by aiming over the toilet.

Okay, serious question and I'm sure I'm going to piss off all the LGBTWhatever people who will accuse me of being a cisgendered bigot:

How can you consider yourself female when the genetics clearly say otherwise? Is it just how you "feel" about it?

This has always confused me.

EDIT: Downvotes because I want clarification and understanding rather than feel-good bullshit? Thanks AskReddit.

Shrugs

That's a hard question to answer. My genetics dictated that my brain developed in a manner of which caused the insatiable compulsion towards female behaviour and identity.

We can talk all day about what defines gender or otherwise, but ultimately, I have this compulsion despite the horrifying pain brought with all of the changes I've had to make physically, socially and more, and I appreciate it when people consider me in a serious manner.

i am completely ignorant to this procedure, just a warning haha. did you have an idea of what your new genitals would look like before the surgery? is there any way of knowing and or designing (for lack of a better word) what it looks like? did you have a say in this?

All of them turn out differently, and I had no say.

My designer vagina is pretty good though!

Lol @ the term "designer vagina." Hopefully works as well for you as Vagina Classic™

My sister coined it last week at the dinner table. Good dinner subject.

Will there be any further operations to go through? Or are you pretty much past the home stretch now? Congratulations by the way! :)

I might get facial feminization surgery at some point, but I'm pretty comfortable with who I am, so this might be my first and only lot of surgery.

In another post you said that this surgery was covered by the national insurance, will that one be as well, should you choose to get it?

That is not covered by the NHS.

Do they literally make it into an innie? Or do they just cut it off? Sorry for my ignorance to this subject but I'm genuinly asking because I do not know. Congratulations by the way. :)

They do indeed make it into an innie. You can google the procedure, it's quite cool!

How is sex afterwards? I mean: how do you experience pleasure when that part of your body was never meant for sexual purposes?

I don't know, yet.

This a hypothetical question, but I hope you answer it. If it were possible to reverse these feelings of gender disorientation, would you want that over surgery. In other words, if you could be comfortable in your own skin, with the memory of once not being comfortable, would you rather that comfort over the current choice to switch your gender?

Would I prefer no medical side effects, social stigma, harsh recovery, emotional and physical trauma and so on?

Good damn question, and the answer is yes.

I read a blog series in The Guardian about a journey of MtF from ~2010 to ~2012.

1) She speaks of horrible number of problems in the British system of healthcare, as well as financing barriers that she faced when going up the ladder. Any comments on that?

2) She also spoke about how her employer at the time asked to reassign to another department because it was runing the atmosphere. Any problems u had with employment?

3) A bit philosophical. How do you define sex and gender? What are sex and gender differences between boy/girl and male/female to you? Some world languages don't have that distinct definition, and have one world that usually means "where you come from".

I have always had a little trouble with financing my travel to various appointments but my parents have been my rock throughout all of that.

I haven't faced overwhelming employment problems as I am a student, but at one point, I did struggle with the curiosity of a department I was in, and had to be moved departments. I moved of my own will, though.

I don't have much of a philosophical view. Everything is so individual to the person. I see masculine and feminine as societal constructs, and sex as legal definitions to cater for the vast (vast) majority of people.

What is the likelihood that you will be able to orgasm after you heal?

Does the surgery separate the urethra and the 'innie', like it is in XX women?

Does the surgery create a clit-shaped structure as well as the innie?

I'm afraid that percentage is uncertain.

Yes. My urethra is at the front of my vagina.

The clitoris has been created from a little of the head of my (previously) penis.

Hi Fizziepop.

do you not feel guilt about how much money you have cost the NHS on a non life threatening issue.

I am ready for downvotes, but I'm not writing this with malice. I just want you perspective.

also i wish you a very speedy recovery :)

See my first IAmA for answers to this misconception.

I have read the link and i wouldn't say my opinion as somebody who also pays NI has been changed.

There seems to be a sense of entitlement.

I have no problem with anybody having cosmetic surgery, that is your right. I just don't think expensive cosmetic surgery should be fully government funded. At the end of the day there are potentially hundreds of more worthwhile things the money for this could have went on, which could have benefited far more people.

That being said my problem is with the system not those who take advantage of it, and you are in education, so I'm sure over the course of your life you'll contribute far more to the system then you have taken out.

Gotcha.

As has been said, it's not considered to be a cosmetic procedure.

How long have you known that you wanted this procedure?

Also are you attracted to men and did this influence the decision at all?

I've known for around 10 years, and my bisexuality has no decision making affect.

will you tell your partner you had such a surgery? There seems to be a large portion of the community that believes you shouldn't have to tell your partner. What will you do and what is your opinion?

He's known I've wanted the surgery for 5 years.

How do you feel about the terminology "male to female"? Do you personally use terms such as "coercively assigned male at birth", etc.? I know every person is different, so I'm asking you personally. Congratulations on your surgery, and I hope you have a speedy and full recovery!!

I don't really care about the terms to be honest, it's just a description.

MtF is cool with me!

Thanks for replying! I hope someone brings you a tasty treat while you're recovering.

You've got all the right ideas.

First of all congratulations on going through and I wish you all the happiness in your new life.

My question is in regards to your sex status with the government, what have you already done or will have to do to change your sex on your drivers license/passport/documents, are there easy processes already in place or will this be a difficult process?

Every document of mine is female.

MtoF or FtoM? And how long ago (are you fully healed)? Congratulations btw :) was it something you were able to get insurance to pay for or was it all on your own?

MtF. I only had it done 3 days ago, actually. Thanks a lot! I was able to get it paid on by national insurance, good ol' England.

Well excellent :D what all did your surgery entail? Some people luck out and don't have to touch the face lol Edit: You only have to be as specific as is comfortable

All I did was have my genitals changed.

The skin of my penis and scrotum made the labia/lips, part of the penis head for the clitoris, I've been packed up nicely inside, and I'm now recovering in hospital bed.

How long had you been living as a female prior? I know in the states they require you to live the lifestyle of the gender you wish to be for at least a year

Just under 4 years, actually.

Weird question.. but do you feel the same way as a woman in the "nether regions"

Well I've only had it for 3 days, and it feels super weird. I don't have a penis anymore but I get phantom pains from it constantly. It doesn't feel like a vagina yet but I do get cramps from it occasionally which notify me of its presence.

Oof...I may personify vaginae a little too much, but your phrasing made me think of yours trying to make up for all the cramps you may have missed out on over the years...

Congrats, by the way! :)

Perhaps, but the cramps are directly from the vaginal walls. It's rather shocking each time, lol.

I'll completely understand if you're uncomfortable with this, but do you maybe have before/after pictures you can share? I find those incredibly interesting.

I'll put up an after photo and place a message up here when I'm done.

Charing Cross or private? I hear lots of horror stories about the former.

Hope you have good painkillers and that dilating doesn't suck too much...

CX!

I'm hopeful on the dilation. Morphine is wild.

Hey there! Mtf here too, my surgery is planned around the end of this year. I have a few practical questions:

• Did you go abroad? Or did you have the surgery in your own country
• What kind of technique did they use? Just the inversion alone or a skin graft aswell?
• And what did it feel like going under, and waking up? Were you scared?

I'm glad you're doing ok :)

I stayed in my country. Standard inversion.

The going under was weird actually! I was terrified because I'm relatively anxious. They put me on a pre-med which made me act a little drunk. I was shaky as they wheeled me into the theatre, the surgeon came out and smiled at me, then the anaesthetist told me he would soon apply the anaesthetic. I thought he would count me down. I thought I'd feel something. I just went down and that was it.

I woke up with all sorts of tubes and stuff stuck in me. They woke me, didn't say anything, and I just fell straight to sleep. I woke up a little while later and they wheeled me back in, telling me I was struggling to talk because of my breathing tube I'd had.

Can you explain the first instance or event that happened that made you realize you weren't the identity you identified with?

Identifying as female online as a tween.

When did you know? Also how are the hormone treatments?

Hormones aren't too much of a big deal for me. I knew when I was 10.

So this may be a littler personal but to me as a straight male I have to wonder... The first time you "pleased yourself," what did you think of or imagine? At that point did you already identify as female? Sorry again if you find this inappropriate. I do not intend that at all. It is just something I have a true curiosity in.

I thought "Holy hell. Is this an orgasm? Wow. Okay."

I masturbated a hell of a lot til they took me off testosterone, then I didn't touch myself much.

I identified as female even before I started masturbating, at 10.

What do they do with your "outie" once its removed?

They discard the parts they don't need.

I have a trans women (mtf) at my work place but she has some very male looks to her (she gets teased by people behind her back- tbh she's semi famous for her 'ugliness' ) but I think that's terrible! Shes a wonderful person.

All she really needs to do is trim her eyebrows and get a better hair cut, and find clothes that actually fit her.

If you were in her position, how would you want to happen. Be informed or let sleeping dogs lay?

Keep on keeping on.

When people say Female transgender do they mean they were a female but now they're a male or that they were a male but now they're female? What's the reason for most sex changes? What's your sexual prefrence?

That'd mean transgender and identify as female.

I don't know.

I'm bisexual.

How does lubrication for intercourse work? Will there be any natural secretions or will you need to use an artificial lubricant?

Also as penile tissue engorges much more than vaginal tissue, especially labiae, will the canal become stiff and narrower during arousal?

I'm an RN student and very curious from a medical standpoint. Also congratulations! I can't imagine how difficult the first 20 years might have been. I only hope we continue to make medical advancements so F to M can be as functional as M to F

Lubrication is dealt with artificially, it's rare the tissue used secretes enough natural lubrication.

I'm not all too sure, to be honest, about the tissue.

This might get buried,

What's your opinion on trans women who don't want the surgery, and are actually okay with the stuff they have down there?

Do what makes you happy, just be knowledgeable of the things that you want to go through and what they bring.

honestly I wish you all the best, my cousin is going from female to male. I honestly have so much respect for the both of you as it's such a life changing experience many wouldn't dare to attempt out of fear. Congratulations on your happiness :)

Tonnes of them. I feel like I have an achey penis tucked between my legs, but it is slowly changing, bit by bit.

Are there any chances of complications with the surgery? What is your biggest fear after recovery?

That the pain I felt the other night will come back.

Congrats! Way to be brave and do what it takes to be who you want to be. I think that takes a lot of guts. Was it difficult to get the surgery? What kind of prep did you do for it beforehand? Are you excited about the results? Congratulations again, you are awesome!

Prepped with lots of eating and exercise. The vagina looks pretty neat, actually, but very swollen.

It was difficult, took a long time, and it's very painful.

If you don't mind me asking, how much was the procedure since insurance didn't cover it? My brother is transgender and he wants to get his breasts removed in the future, and then later genital surgery. I'm nervous about it because I know our insurance won't cover any of it.

It was on insurance for me.

Forgive any ignorance or offense, but have you previously tried to portray yourself in public as a female? (Clothes, makeup, etc.) I only ask because if it were me, a female, and I suddenly became male, I think the biggest change would be socially and how people treated me that didn't know me. Grocery store, in a bar, the post office, men talking to me as a fellow male, females maybe flirting with me. I think that would be the strangest part. Any sneak peeks into that feeling yet?

I have portrayed successfully as female for 5 years.

I was wonder how long will it take your vagina to heal.

6 months to 1 year.

If you had your sperm frozen (I know you didn't), would it be possible to get pregnant now by your own sperm?

No.

What dr did you go to? how much was it

Bellringer, national insurance.

never heard of this Dr. Im assuming you're a british chick

British chick indeed. He's pretty cool.

GL with everything. im incognito ;P

Bare minerals. Good make up.

Do you think you'll miss having a penis?

Nope.