I'm professional ballet dancer Jim Gaffigan, AMA!

What is the origin of the "concerned/unamused woman" voice which is such a staple of your routines? Is it inspired by someone you knew or have encountered personally?

I kind of call that my "inside voice," which is me talking for the audience. I mean, I use a woman's voice...but some of it is we all have an inner critic and I'm giving that critic a voice. The judgmental tone is that critic, but also some of it might be interpreting some of the faces in the audience. Because you're never going to please everyone with your material. It's also a tactical thing, as a writer, you can establish a point of view but the "inside voice" can have the opposing point of view. So I can be for bacon and then the "inside voice" can be against bacon. Or they comment on my overall performance...we all have voices in our head, I'm just giving one an outlet.

I sat front row a few years ago, and I think I must've been making a face because you stared dead at me while doing your audience voice!

I was embaressed but honored.

Oh, I think that it's more...I might look for inspiration from my audience, but particularly my theatre shows, usually everyone wants to be there. It's back when I was doing much more at comedy clubs, that people are not willing participants in the end. That being said, I'm blind and I have a lazy eye, so I might have been looking at you oddly, and I apologize. That doesn't mean I don't love you.

In what ways have birds negatively impacted your life?

Birds? That's a great question u/lula2488. I find it generally strange that I'm eating a creature that flies. I think it’s like, I can eat chicken but I'm not thrilled about the idea. I wish that I was in touch with the idea of eating animals in general. I think that like duck, in general, it's like, "What is even stopping us from eating doves?" Just the strange concept.

Birds in general, the fact that they are even related to dinosaurs is probably interesting. It seems like there were a lot of NFL teams that are named after birds. I don't know if birds have had that negative of an impact on me. The birdwatching thing feels very foreign. Maybe because I have poor eyesight, but people watching birds through binoculars? They are like nature's peeping Tom's really.

Whats' the best way to eat a pop tart?

a). Room temp

b). Toasted

c). Frozen

Please explain your answer.

That's a great question, and one that I've had many times broached to me. (By the way, check out Brian Regan's great jokes.)

I thought that you were gonna go a different way, because first of all, no one's eating a frozen Pop Tart. Those people are weirdos. I think I would probably say, I mean...toasted is a little bit of a luxury. Sure, if you've got some time on your hands, if you're like a chef, you can toast a Pop Tart. But I'm a man, and a man eats a Pop Tart raw, alright? And you nibble the non-frosting portion first, like a man, and then you slowly do different sized bites. You might do one bite, take a look at it, see what your teeth map looks like.

But most importantly, there's two, so you can experiment. Obviously nibbling the non-frosted portion first, and then going at it. But, it's a great question and I think I have a lot of confidence that the internet is bringing about change in the world.

What encourages you to keep your comedy style so clean, especially in comparison to other comics?

Well I should say... alright, I would curse occasionally in my act. When I started doing sets on Letterman and Conan, for network practices, legal practices, I would have to remove curse words. And what I found, is that, occasionally I'd have to remove those curse words, I would realize that the joke wasn't finished really, that I'd just throw in a curse word here and there.

One year I did Conan like ten times when I was doing Pale Force, so then I'd just starting writing without the curse words in it. But I am someone who curses in everyday life, and I also feel that the curse words were not necessary; given that I'm talking about camping or donuts, that contributed to it also. It's weird because I think for comedians it takes 10 years to find your voice in stand up, and I think that my material and my point of view is a reflection of who I am and my silly kind of observation of stuff is who I am.

Like, me really angry is not very appealing. Marc Maron complaining is engaging; me complaining...believe me, when I first started stand up, I tried all different styles and ended up going back to what I initially started at. The cursing thing, my joke is whenever someone says, "Why are you a clean comedian?", I say, “Because Jesus told me." Again, there's no calculation behind the style of stand up that I do or Aziz does. Comedians are just trying to be authentic to who they are, and it's an ongoing process as we grow and change as humans, those of us that are human. I'm not...

Do you ever forget how many kids you have?

No. You know, I joke around about being a parent and being, you know, a parent that doesn't know what he's doing, and I don't know what I'm doing. But being a dad will remain the most important thing I'll ever do in my life, and having 5 children is something I love and I'm totally unequipped to do.

Whose idea was it to feature your real kids and wife in the Pacifica commercials? Did you insist on it or was it the ad agency or the client? I work in advertising and could totally see my creative director insisting it has to be some hot model type and then me getting in a fight with him, losing, getting sad, and eating an entire bag of Combos.

That's a great point. I worked in advertising, and so when I was approached for the Chrysler ads, the dad brand thing was the agency's idea, and I was a little hesitant. I understood the humor of it, but I thought that it would be funnier if it was my wife and kids.

I also have a rather busy schedule, and so if I was going to spend these days when I'm not shooting the Jim Gaffigan Show which you're gonna watch on Sunday, Father's Day at 10pm/9 Central on TV Land, I knew that if I was going to spend these days doing this, I didn't want to be away from my family but more importantly, I thought it would be funnier if it was my family. If the premise of the dad brand thing is you get a Chrysler because it improves your image of being a good dad, it would be funnier with my real wife and children. And my wife is an actor and very funny, so I knew she would add a lot of value.

Hey Jim - you're awesome and awesomely funny. I always think of you when I hear anything about manatees.

So question: I'm curious about this KFC campaign with revolving actors - did you know you would be doing the Col. Sanders character for only a limited amount of time? Is there an endgame to this whole thing? Will there be an eventual clash of Sanderses? SHOULD I BE EATING THIS CHICKEN?

Thanks in advance.

I'm probably the last person to ask advice on eating fast food in general, considering I eat so much of it, but yes! I did know it was a temporary thing, the KFC campaign. I really thought, Norm Macdonald and Daryl Hammond were great. I actually really enjoyed them, and I'm not a fan of much commercials, but I remember tweeting out that I loved Norm’s, but then again I love Norm Macdonald.

Yeah, I don't know what the endgame is. I'm sure they eventually will have, or should have, a woman, or an African American, or you know, whatever. The campaign should go on and be different funny people. And different types of funny people. But yeah, I think the campaigns over in July or August for me.

Is there any chance you'll make it out to Utah for your tour? Mormons like to laugh too (I guess, anyway).

Look I would love to perform in Salt Lake City, I think it would have been part of this 30 city tour but it was theatre availability. The only reason I'm not going to a city is theatre availability or if I've been there in the last year.

I love the Fry Sauce too, that's in Utah, which is just ketchup and mayonnaise combined, but I love the fact that Utah thinks that they've created something that essentially a four year old does naturally. But I love Utah and I love mormons, and not just because I look like one and I have as many kids as most of them.

See the common misconception here is that Utah fry sauce is just mayo and ketchup. Sure, any one armed baby could make that. The real thing Utah prides its fry sauce on is the extras. Whether it's a little bit of Tabasco, or dill, no two fry sauces are the same. Also, I once saw a fry sauce chugging contest at a baseball game, so there's that...

Edit: changed its apostrophe for that one special friend ;)

Yea, I mean thanks for bringing up the fry sauce chugging. That really kind of solidified your argument. I don't know the nuances of fry sauce but I do know that I love fry sauce. Mayonnaise and ketchup are my two favorite things to eat with fries. Mayonnaise in unhealthy and ketchup is mostly sugar and tomatoes, so I think we're mostly on the same page here.

Which is your stinkiest child?

My stinkiest child, well, which one has the most gas...I feel like it would be unfair to out them, but there is one of my kids that we make fun of for having "the gas station." We'll say, "Is the gas station open?" Because, this child has gas quite often. Not recently, but then again I also have a 3-year-old who is completely potty trained, but inevitably there's an accident every 6 months. And I also will poo in my pants a lot.

Have you tried getting your kid off of a Hot Pocket diet?

My kids have never eaten a Hot Pocket. Particularly because of my wife. That's kind of what you would eat, and I mean it is an effective thing to feed an army of children. But with my wife, like even our pasta has protein in it. My wife is all about the organic and overpriced food.

Do you have any advice for someone who is about to get married?

You know, there's weddings and then there's marriage. Weddings, I think, are the biggest waste of money and emotion that humans participate in their life. Now the marriage, I think, I don't know, all the advice I'm going to give you you're gonna ignore anyway, you know what I mean? It's like a commencement speech. They're all kind of entertaining and we watch them online for a little bit and then we forget it. But I would say, before a wedding? Have fun at your wedding. Don't feel like you have to talk to your friends- I mean to your parent's friends or your in-laws. Just have fun with whoever you're marrying and have good food. You know? That's all people really care about, is food. I mean, me. That's all I care about so I attribute it to everyone, cause I'm a narcissist.

Has hot pockets approached you with a sponsership deal?

Yes, u/spensaris, they did at one point but my relationships with Hot Pockets is...a mutually beneficial one. I feel that under no illusion that the success of Hot Pockets hasn't helped my career but I also don't want to fuel me being associated with Hot Pockets anymore; it's not necessary.

That being said, I have five kids to put through college, so who knows. The weird thing about the Hot Pockets thing is I thought that it would die down. When I started touring nationally, I had this manatee joke people used to obsess on, and then the Hot Pocket one came, and then bacon became popular. But the Hot Pocket one never seemed to really stop! I don't think I need to strengthen my attachment to Hot Pockets.

What is your favorite stand up routine of all time?

I don't know if I can specify one exactly. I think a couple of really funny ones would be Larry Miller's Five Stages of Drinking; another funny one would be George Carlin's Chunk on Suicide. Bob Newhart had a lot of funny bits. Phyllis Diller I remember vividly as a kid really, getting a kick out of that self-effacing approach. Jonathan Winters and Carol Burnett had a big impact on me too.

Your bit on Conan about the creepy fan letter you got always cracks me up. Have you had any other weird/memorable experiences with fans, either in person or through something like another fan letter?

Yeah, I think there's something about comedians that is different than actors or writers. Since with stand-up there is no fourth wall, it's not like you're watching a play where you're watching in on this reality; there is an approachable side to comedians, and comedians are talking to the audience. Therefore, they're talking to people, so people feel like there is an accessibility there.

That being said, yeah there's been plenty of weird and peculiar things. There's probably not a day that doesn't pass where someone doesn't come up to me and say, "Hot pockets!" thinking that that will be the highlight of my day, or that maybe they're the first person to do it. But it doesn't really bother me. They're trying to be funny, and they're trying to engage me in a different way.

Really peculiar? I don't know, I've been holding a screaming child of mine and people will ask for an autograph, and that's peculiar to me but not anything outside of people yelling "Bacon!" or "Hot pockets!" or just saying the meow thing from Super Troopers. But it's relatively painless. I think people that like my comedy are decent people.

Because I'm a great guy.

Can I ask two?

If you had to change your skin in a neon color what color would you choose?

What is your favorite vacation you've gone on?

That's a great question u/TinManOz! I think I would change my skin color to neon orange, and not just because it would match my phone. I think it would probably be neon orange because it would provide some protection at night, I think it would work well in a rave setting and I could get a construction job probably pretty easily.

My favorite vacation I've gone on? Oooh, I would say it's probably...I've been to Ireland a couple of times and I really enjoyed that, but I love going to international destinations with my children, and seeing how they respond, because they're at different ages and seeing them respond to different cultures and different languages is pretty interesting. It reminds me why I find different cultures so interesting. And by the way, I speak no other languages. I like international travel.

Mr. Gaffigan, huge fan here! Some of my first and greatest comedy memories are listening through your albums with my dad during long car rides

My question: Your comedy is famously very family-friendly and palatable for large audiences. Was this an intentional choice as a way to widen your fanbase/ticket sales? Is there a moral reason you don’t swear/use vulgarity/“push the envelope” as much as the other big names in comedy? Or is that simply your personality?

Thanks for doing this! Looking forward to your future work!

Thank you! First of all, u/ajchann123, you have a terrific taste in comedians! I would say that comedians often get way too much credit or criticism about the type of stand up they're going to do anyway.

I'm considered a "clean comedian" or "family friendly comedian," but that's just how it comes out. There's no incredible calculation behind being clean or family friendly; comedians talk about what they can get away with. Chris Rock or Lewis Black are just gonna do the type of comedy that they're going to do. If you know them, it makes sense what type of comedy that they're doing. I'm always hesitant to be identified as a clean comedian because all comedians, whether they be clean, female or African American or transgender, the only adjective they want is to be funny.

I sometimes I feel as though "clean" is this asterisk that kind of disqualifies some of my success. People are not coming to see me do stand up because I don't curse. Hopefully they're coming because it's funny. We don't live in a society where cursing is that pervasive, where me not cursing is someone anomaly, but I have been asked that before but it's not some calculation. By the way, I do believe comedians don't have to please a large audience.

When I started stand up in the early 1800s, the task was to make people laugh. People that don't like you or people that you don't have in common, you're supposed to make everyone laugh. That's not to say that you're supposed to appeal to everyone but the premise was not to just appeal to a certain group of people; you're supposed to be funny for a lot people. The idea is the make the whole room laugh, you're never going to get the whole room, but even if people look at you and don't like you, the material should be strong enough to make them laugh.

Anyway my point is, I'm a great guy.

My wife got me tickets for Father's Day to see you in September! It's in Columbus, Ohio. I'll pick up dinner for you, what food mood do you expect to be in in three months?

First of all, your wife is a great human being, getting you tickets to my show on Father's Day and she should also point out that The Jim Gaffigan Show is on TVLand that night, 10/9 Central; that would be 10 since Columbus is Eastern.

I would say I think we should probably swing by Raising Cane's and get some of that Cane sauce and eat some of the chicken strips. That's the only thing I ever remember eating in Columbus. But I don't know, there's probably other local specialities and I also did the Ohio State Fair in Columbus, and they have a deep fried buckeye thing, which was simultaneously disgusting and delicious.

What is a typical daily practice like, as the punter for the Seahawks?

Well if you like Jon Ryan, you might be seeing him in season 2 of The Jim Gaffigan Show, which premiers Sunday.

First of all, Jon Ryan, who I know through social media and his wife is a very funny comedian, is Sir Colonia. But it's weird because I got a picture with him, and he referred to me as "my dad" or something. I am older then him, I mean I'm better looking, but I'm older than him.

But it was weird to realize that in his eyes, I'm just this old blond pale guy. He's more of a red head. I mean, it is weird to see someone who looks like you. Thanks to Twitter, people send me photos of people who look like me all the time. And sometimes it's just a fat white guy. Like, he is just a white guy that's fat and people are like, "He looks like Jim Gaffigan," which I think is funny. But John Ryan looks like me, Boomer Seizen looks like me, Brad Pitt looks like me...Taylor Swift looks like me...I mean I look like a lot of people, that's why I'm an "everyman"...woman.

How has the production of the second season of the show differed from the first?

I would say it's pretty different in that the learning curve that Jeannie and I went through the first season really made us bolder during the second season in the stories and how we told the stories. This show has been developed for a network, it's a single camera autobiographical comedy but the stories are much more personal and non-conventional, I guess that’s how I would describe it? There are plenty of times where when debating some of the episode ideas, I would be dismissive of ideas that seemed too pedestrian or typical television shows, so last season we would do an episode like the Bible Story or Wonderful, which was the season finale, and I think that season 2 is much closer to those two episodes than the other episodes.

What is the number one complaint you get from people at your shows?

I think I'm very mindful of when people come to one of my shows, that I want them leaving with the thought that not only they enjoyed the show, but that they're gonna want to come back, when I come back in like two years or whatever. And part of that is, with stand-up comedy, there's this unspoken agreement that you're gonna have new material.

So part of that is new, meaning it isn't in a special, but the complaint? Probably that I'm too sexy. That it's visually too distracting from the stand up, because often I'm just wearing boy shorts, and nothing else. I don't know, I don't know if there's a complaint. I think I space it out where I won't go back to a market unless I have at least 80% new material.

What's your favorite "Dad Joke"?

Dad joke? First of all, "dad joke," is a derogatory term, right? It's like "mom jeans." It's like "dad joke" is the equivalent of, "What's your favorite bad joke," right? "What's your favorite unfunny uncle joke?"

But I don't know, I think there is something about just bad jokes. My father in law, who is a brilliant man, does a lot of puns. I guess it's whoever delivers it. Puns, in a way, should be punishable by death. But if they are delivered by the right person at the right time, they could be quite amusing.

So, I just didn't answer your question. Just remember to watch the Jim Gaffigan show, on TV Land. This Sunday night, back to back episodes. And by the way, I'm very good looking. And there was a time when I had a good body!

What subject have you not yet worked into your stand up, but you hope to? Also how much of the writing does Jeannie do for the show?

My wife and I wrote all this season's episodes together and she executive produces and directs also. She directed the last episode. And so the partnership is very much, it's our baby. I mean, there's a huge crew, that's amazing, but it's really, I mean, I think sometimes to her annoyance, I kind of insist we write all the episodes. We get some help here and there.

There are subjects that I hope to figure out how to talk about. You know, different topics take time for me to figure out an angle into it. Whether it be something really dark, like on my last special I had a bunch of jokes about cancer, obviously not about someone having cancer, but about the shared human experience that we all have, it's touched everyone's life. So figuring out a way for some of these dark heavy topics to bring about humor and light surrounding them, if that makes sense? Because I certainly don't want my comedy to make anyone feel bad but I also do enjoy the challenge of making something humorous. Like being able to do a joke that is about religion that an atheists and an evangelical will laugh at is something I enjoy.

What's your favorite spooky ghost story?

Oooh favorite spooky ghost story? I tell a story where there's somebody with a crab hand, which I think I saw in an indie movie. And...gosh I don't know, a spooky story...I think the phone coming from inside the house. But it is fun to scare your kids.

Hi Jim - I saw your live act in Atlantic City a couple years ago and really enjoyed season 1 of your show. You and your wife seem incredibly "productive" in all areas of your life together, churning out tv shows and kids. Do you ever get tired of spending so much time together?

I wouldn't say I ever get tired of being around my wife. I mean, I'm a huge fan of hers.

I would say that the television show is rather taxing, just in it being exhausting. But we've always collaborated on things ever since we've started dating, so us working together, whether it be on stand up or the television show, or a book or something. That's just kind of how we roll, and we love it.

But no, I wouldn't say I get sick of her. I would say there are disagreements but that's about it.

If you could do anything else for a living what would it be?

Sleep? If I could do anything else? Gosh, I don't know, I mean... I feel like being a writer would be fun and I sometimes look at chefs and think there might be something appealing. I don't cook at all, but I feel like when I've met chefs that there is a similar obsessive kind of nuance, disposable quality to their work that seems appealing but... I don't know, I think creative fulfillment is pretty important so I would have to do something that would provide some creative fulfillment.

Hey JG! Thank you for giving the little voice in our head such a wonderful face.

Whats the secret to tour life? How do you maintain sanity on the road?

You know it's weird, because comedians, like a band will go on tour but comedians, we're always doing it. We're always in the process of creating new material and doing shows. There are people who will not tour, but like, Seinfeld is always going out doing theatre shows.

What we intentionally planned, my wife and I, was I wanted to tour and I also wanted to be with my family. So I will get on a tour bus and go city to city with my kids, and I'll check into a hotel. There will be a hotel pool, or we'll do some local activity, and I'll do my show at night. Which is exhausting, but it provides some normalcy, and I won't be absent from their life. I don't know how much longer we will be able to do that because my oldest will be like, "I don't want to do this anymore." But right now the kids love being on the tour bus.

What is it like working with your wife and how do you both manage professional disagreements?

I only know a working relationship with her. We handle our disagreements in an ongoing compromise, meaning it's like any aspect of any relationship; you give and take here and there, and if something is really important or not that big of a deal, you'll defer. That being said, it's like a navigation process, it's like picking a restaurant; we all have ideas and then we go where I want to go. (That's a joke.)

Hi Jim! What's it like being on tour with your whole family? Any tips or tricks you have to help everyone keep their sanity?

And any reason you're not coming to Kansas City? We know you love our Joe's KC gas station location!!

Yes, well I'm not going to Kansas City, because I went there last year and so I try not to overlap. Considering Jeannie and I are doing the show, we can't focus the entire year on coming up with a new hour of material, so that's the main reason. But in Kansas City, there is plenty of good food there!

Some of the tricks that we do is, at least on the tour bus, we try and do a limit of day drives that are three hours or shorter, because we find that after three hours, we can only make a 3 year old sit down for so long. Or you can time it to their nap. We also want to enjoy the city so we'll do an overnight drive if they're longer than three hours.

I think it's also forcing activities that if I was by myself I wouldn't do, but with my kids, it does help. I also try and make it where food adventures are always something fun. Like yesterday, we're in Austin and we went to Salt Lick Barbecue. I don't think my wife is crazy about some of my food adventures, but it is--I jokingly said--on Twitter and Instagram; it's a cultural experience. But it is kind of a cultural experience having great Texas BBQ! And being in Driftwood, Texas, is a cool place.

Hello good sir. Been a fan for a long time. If you could play a superhero, which would you play?

If I could play a superhero...you know it's interesting, I feel like i've never really desire to play a superhero, honestly, and I've never had a desire to be a rockstar, and I feel like that's rare for comedians. I think a lot of comedians wanted to be a rockstar. If I was new then I would be a model. But if I could be a superhero, I feel like because I have blonde hair, I feel like I should want to be Thor. But I guess, maybe Batman?

I don't know. If I could be one I'd almost want to be a villain. Does that mean I'm a bad person? Some of those cartoonish villains seem like they would be fun. I guess Batman. Doesn't everyone want to be Batman? Some of it is like, I would want to be a superhero just because then my kids might like me more.

What was your time like working on That 70's Show? Have any good stories?

Well gosh, That 70's Show feels like it was a million years ago. You know I reoccurred as this character, Roy, on That 70's Show. I probably did 10 episodes? All I remember is that I was the guest star and I had a couple of lines. The director really directed me because I was the guest star. I remember them all being nice? That's where I met Macauley Culkin, who reoccurs on my show. I remember Laura Prepon being really nice, they were all very nice!

I'll run into them here and there. They had been together as a cohesive group for so long and were already kind of in the 5th season at that point. It was a fun experience but I don't necessarily remember anything popping out to me.