I did an unnoticed AMA yesterday on writing a Christmas book... That book went to #1 on Amazon overnight! So, fuck it. AMA again

I kinda feel like I'm at Costco, and there's a guy there doing a book signing, but no one is at his little table, and we just made eye contact.

So let me ask you, if I download your book and read it to my kid tomorrow, what is something secret, cool, or anecdotal about it or its message that a normal reader wouldn't otherwise notice?

There's a character in it called Vanessa... In the book, she is a fart cloud... I named this character after one of my ACTUAL ex girlfriends :) You are the first (AND LAST) person I have told this too.

As a vanessa, that's a pretty close depiction of me.

Sorry V, how can I make it up to you?

Hot sweaty Christmas sex

I'm in

You've done enough ; _ ;, at least you didn't spell my name with two n's.

Now lets forget our troubles with a big bowl of strawberry icecream

nowkiss.jpeg

.html

THE INTERNET NEVER FORGETS.

I love the internets

A Christmas book with Vanessa the fart cloud? Say no more. On my way to download.

God speed!

i hope this one goes better, but i dont really have any questions.

You honor me

What inspired you to make the book?

I was having coffee with my bro in law. My young niece Romy was playing by herself and running around bumping into shit. Funny as hell. I just thought "Fuck this. I'm gona write my niece a Christmas book." And here we are... Next week I'm writing a Hanukkah book for some guy on this thread. PS. Fuck yeah! I can now spell Hanukkah without using google...

The good thing about misspelling Hannukah, is that you probably still spelled it right.

Here I was thinking I had brain smarts. Dammit!

isn't is Chanukkah?

I will have to google that one :/

Upvote for using "writing a children's book" & "fuckit" in the same title.

High five with my balls out

Youre killing me man. Best AMA.

Thanks :) I'm here all night :)

how much of that sweet, sweet poon did your success in childrens' book story writing net you?

hahahaha. I'm married... no poon for me

So... your wife is frigid?

I love my wife to bits and would be nothing without her... But yeh, I fap a lot

GUYS! HE'S LIKE US!!!

It's true. I fucking love everyone! :)

I'm drunk. I love you too.

Then it's agreed.. We are in love with each other

How are you gonna break this one to your wife?

She'll be cool :)

I love fucking everyone!

Are you me?

You're not allowed to ask questions here!

I'm not?

Tomorrow's leading story on Fox News:

Children's author discusses his rampant masturbation on socialist atheist pro-drug website.

Edit: Jesus, the deeper I get into this thread, the more things I find that could go into that headline ...

Hey... any publicity... :)

But yeh, I fap a lot

Best line you'll find in this entire thread, 10/10

I can not lie :)

Guess you like big butts too?

I can not lie

It appears this other brother can't deny.

I get sprung everyday

I see this AMA is going well.

You have no idea!! The questions!!

Hey, I just downloaded it.

How about doing the same for my wife's book which also happens to currently be free for Kindle...and also happens to be a Christmas story....but for older kids.

Liberty Frye and the Witches of Hessen, by J.L. McCreedy

Edit: At the time this post was made, the book was available for free download as part of a two day promotion from Amazon. That ended at midnight (Pacific Standard Time) Thursday night. If anyone missed out on this free promotion but would like a free copy, it is scheduled for another free promotion this weekend for a few days starting at midnight on Friday through midnight Christmas Eve. Merry Christmas everyone! :)

Do an AMA for your wife? I don't about that, but I'd be happy to check it out and share it with my friends :) What else can I do?

Ha ha, no AMA, though that might be an interesting experiment to do an AMA for a stranger...hopefully wouldn't get all "Ramparted like Woody Harrelson's"

I just meant maybe you could download a free copy and check it out, leave a review if you like it, share with friends, etc.

I will definitely check it out :) Merry Christmas to you sir

Merry Christmas and Happy New Year to you too! I look forward to reading your book and genuinely hope you enjoy my wife's book!

Rock and roll. Consider me a new friend. My contact deets are on my site if you ever wana hit me up... This goes for anyone else on this thread too...

I just checked out your website and was pleasantly surprised to see that we're in the same hemisphere. I haven't made it over to OZ yet, but I've sort of hovered around it a bit (Indo and NZ), currently living in Tonga. Small(ish) world!

No apocalypse here so far. How 'bout you?

Haha. No end of the world happening here... But my book is getting upvoted, so something must be seriously wrong... Did we cross into another dimension maybe??

how much have u made off it so far?

I have sold 2 physical copies... So, $6. The ebook version is free, so nothing off that one...

Then just subtract $8 a month web hosting, $200 to get 20 copies for myself delivered from overseas and... OH GOD WHY

Hey, I just bought a copy of Burglar Brothers, so you're now $.99 richer!

Edit: Ok, so I pay 99 cents for a book, comment about it, and after 8 hours I'm sitting at 87 karma. That's roughly 1.14 cents per karma point. GUYS! I FIGURED OUT HOW TO BUY KARMA!!

Edit 2: Ooo, I'm up over 200 now, getting a much better return on my investment!

Wow shit! Thank you!! You are much too kind!!

Alright, give those 99 cents back to him.

How do I do that?

...the internet

I just threw money at the screen. Nothing happened... WTF!

FOR THE LOVE OF GOD KEEP TRYING!

I keep trying dammit! DAAAMMMMMMIIIIITTT

Greatest AMA ever. I just giggle/snorted and woke my husband AND the dog. THANKS

I am humbled... You are most welcomed.

you'll be paid in children's happiness! but seriously, congrats on getting yourself out there, and best of luck with everything.

I'm out there now?? When did this happen???

Umm... you can't charge like 99 cents for the ebook?

Well... Yeh... I'd just rather people read it though... So free it is... :)

Downloaded and read just because of this comment. I even had to go and get the kindle app. Can't wait to read he channukkaahh one .

(... ya that looks right)

Thank you so much for grabbing a copy... REALLY!! You have no idea how much effort I have put in to even get ONE PERSON to read it!!! THANK YOU!!!!

Did you ever feel that your addiction to dropping f-bombs would ever affect your career as a children's book author?

My career as a... Bahahahaha. I haven't thought that far ahead... But fuck me. Kids who don't know that word just grow up being weird anyways. But hey... I don't use it in any of my stories... But yeh. Saying fuck is just me being me...

my questions never get answered on these things but, hanukkah book as a sequel?

I'm not even kidding... Hanukkah book before the end of the year... Stay tuned!!! PM me Chris_Turkleton. Drop me your email and I'll send you a link when it's done...

best Reddit reply this week!

Big call! :)

What makes you think it went unnoticed.

It got 3 upvotes...

Are you high in that photo? Be honest, it's almost Christmas.

Sleep depraved... Was up all night browsing reddit... I would have been high but didn't have any weed at the time

You call yourself sleep deprived? I just read that comment you responded to as "Are you high in that potato?" and came back for a double-take.

Brother

Bother what?

Can someone else please....

Excellent work on the book, my little brother loved it. If you ever visit Alberta you can get high with me.

Fucking yeyahhh!! hit me up on FB or something!

Naw man, us folks in BC have the best. I'm also going to read your book to my nieces and nephews--not only because it looks awesome, but now I like you a lot.

I like you too sir... Any one who actually reads my book... Fuck me... My own family won't even read my shit

So if writing isn't paying the bills, what is?

I just have a regular day job. Writing is what I do for fun :)

Really? Cause what I do for fun is... Dammit I can't remember her name.

My mother?

Zing

Do you ever hope to make a living off of writing?

That would be my dream. Yes...

Did you use MS Paint for the illustrations?

edit: I am not trying to sound like a jerk, it's an honest question.

Hehe. nah. I drew them with a pencil, outlined with a felt tipped pen, scanned then used photoshop to fill in all the color :) just as simple :)

You should have used more lens flares and sharpen filters imo

haha I was even thinking about adding some gradient, but then I thought.. gradients are for pussies! :) I have no idea what I just wrote :/

Regardless, you still put chris-chan's art skills to shame.

I will inquire into this.. Chris Chan you speak of

What's it like to write a book

It's like.... warm apple pie

brb writing a book

Done yet?

Nice to see someone make something successful without the goal of money. Congrats!

Rock on friend :)

How long did it take to make the book? Did you use any publishing tools, etc, if so, what? And how did you market the book?

Took me probably a grand total of 4 hours. I drew the pics, scanned them, coloured them in using photoshop, added the pics to indesign, PDF'd it, then converted the PDF to an ebook using calibre and uploaded it to Amazon using a free publishing service called createspace... I didn't do much marketing... Told my friends to check it out on FB and Twitter then did an AMA

I wrote a novel. It took me 3 years, working full time to complete, and everyone rejected it... Congratulations, anyway.

Did you try self-publishing? Wana be pals that help each other? I am always looking for other authors help...

I am actually working on a more detailed story (probably similar to yours in that no one will check it out) for kids that I wont have finished for another 6 months and would love some advice / anecdotes from your writing journey...

Would you rather write 100 duck sized books or 1 horse sized book?

I have been waiting to this question and the answer would be... the one with the ducks... I like ducks... fuck horses

What do you do for your regular job then?

I actually work in the paint industry. So it's kinda been cool to spend time around colors alot

Sucks this didn't take off, sorry man

I dont know anything about the book (sorry, being honest), but:

Why did you decide to write a kids book?

What was the most difficult part?

Do you plan on writing more children's books?

Do you have kids yourself? If you dont, why did you write a kids book?

What are you working towards?

Best of luck to you!

1 - Love expressing my weird ass self

2 - It was all actually quite easy. The tricky part is convincing my friends to read it... They couldn't give two shits... Sometimes I think they actually hate me :/

3 - Yes. Hanukkah book coming out next week

4 - No. The books I have written have been for my niece Romy. She is the cutest little thing ever.

5 - Just writing more stories I suppose. I'm also saving up for a Nintendo 3DS XL

Thank you kind sir. My contact deets are on my site if you ever feel like talking shit and what not...

What made you decide to write a children's book instead of an adult novel?

Haha. My adult novel would be fucking weird :/ There would be all kinds of... Lets just not go there :)

I would download it for free, then read it.

Then.... OH GOD WHY

What was your favorite Christmas gift as a child?

I once got a figurine of the green tiger in He-Man... lost my shit!

Cringer/Battle-Cat! I got one for Christmas way back, too. highfive

Bro hug!

What's your favorite thing hanging on your refrigerator?

A picture of me and my wife... That's the only thing there. My wife does all the hanging of things in our house...

how much did you make last year (excluding this book)?

Off writing?? In total??? About $50.

Yeh... I have a normal job and stuff... This is just a hobby. I have managed to save a fair bit of money though. I built my own website and createspace do all the printing and delivery of physical copies...

Hey motherfucker, where can I get a physical copy of your book? I got a little kid (he's an asshole who doesn't like to sleep at night but he's cool I guess) who would probably like it. I don't want no download bullshit, I want a motherfucking good old fashioned book. And I wanna support independent motherfuckers like yourself. I want you to make more than 6 fucking dollars for your book. So were can I get that shit? I want it by fucking xmas. Can you make it happen?

Holy fucking hell!! First off.. HIGH FIVE! You're kid sounds cool... What's your address??? PM me... I'll get a signed copy over (might take a while though... I'm in Australia)

[deleted]

I just wrote it for my niece in a couple of hours. No major deal... There's a Hanukkah one coming out next week too :)

Favorite YA novel?

Harry Potts 10/10! :) YOu?

• Any tips on how to become better at writing?
• What are your hobbies beside writing?
• What's something that turns you off? (doesn't have to be sexually)

• Hmm just keep writing I suppose. Also, read good stuff... I'm always re-reading Roald Dahl books in the hopes of copying what he does...

• I love rock climbing and surfing. I also drink a bucket load of coffee, play Mario Kart on 64 by myself quite a bit (My wife won't play me anymore...Says I am too "competitive") and spend way too much time on reddit...

• People who hide behind emails and are really bureaucratic. Sexual stuff... Shit... I'm in to almost anything :/

Do you speak any languages other than English?

I speak basic mandarin... And I mean basic... That is the hardest fucking language ever... But is fun to learn... I started just podcasting lessons and usually do an hour month :/

Other than that, no.

I failed most language courses in school... Even english for that matter

I am Chinese. Speaking Mandarin is easier than English. No present tense, past tense, future tense to worry about.

That just confuses me more :)

No stupid conjugation rules to worry about, and no exceptions to memorize. In English, the most common way to turn verbs into the past tense is just adding "-ed" - conjugate -> conjugated, turn -> turned, confuse -> confused, etc. However, there are a ton of words which do not follow this rule, like run -> ran, read -> read (especially confusing for non-native speakers, since the spelling is the same!), eat -> ate, etc. As a native speaker of the language, these rules are so natural to you that you probably would have difficulty explaining them to someone else, even though you've done it literally every day of your life since you were three years old. A non-native speaker, however, would have to memorize all of them.

Mandarin doesn't have any of these rules or exceptions, since it has no past tense in the first place, so conjugation at the least is indeed easier than English.

Alrighty then

Congratulations! What an adorable book! How did you get the ISBN?

Thank you very much for the kind words :) Wana b pals?

have many people bought the $12 version?

I haven't checked yet. Not too fussed :/ I can check and find out later for you if you like?

People should totally buy the $12 version just to support an awesome guy like you

You are a true bro. But no everyone... Get the free shit :)

Why did you decide to do a Christmas book ? Are you a professional writer or is it more a hobby ?

I thought it was perfect time of year to do one. I didn't sleep on this decision. I had just had lunch with my brother in-law and my niece was running around, being funny (she does that). I just thought, "Fuck it. I'm gona write that adorable little bastard a Christmas Book"... And here we are... Purely just a hobby. No bills would get paid if I was doing this full time... That's my dream though... Maybe I should buy a lottery ticket... hmmm

As someone who is currently looking for a "normal job," but dreams of being a full time writer, I will say, I like you. And I hope you're having a wonderful holiday season!

Fuck me. that was so nice. Thank you. Happy holidays and all that shit to you too. Fucking hell. Lets be friends! Do you wana come to Australia and have a beer with me?? Or should I come to you???

Depends if you want to experience the end of the world again in 'Murica. We can drink to our woes of wanting to write books no one will give a shit about. :(

Or get high... I'm up for... you know.... whatever :)