Adam Carolla

Favorite call was one that never made it to air. Called a moving company to transport my morbidly obese wife from the bay window I'd removed in the living onto a flatbed and to the hospital for the lap band surgery. I explained that the ambulance company wanted $3600 and it wasn't covered under insurance. I also mentioned that if she hung out over the stakebed we could flag her. The guy was laughing about it with his buddy, I got indignant and said "Excuse me she has a disease called morbid obesity and I'd appreciate it if you'd show some respect" He quickly gathered himself, apologized and said "I know what it's like to live with someone with a disability. I have a 3 year old daughter with a trach hole." I said "Well she was obviously a smoker so she brought that on herself. This is a real disease." He went nuts and threatened to kill me.

First, a question for you. Are you writing from either prison or the pre-bronze age? How about you go to fucking Home Depot and get a four dollar PVC saw and/or a twenty-five cent sheet of 80 grit sandpaper you can lay on a flat surface and make like you're starting a fire. PS - Make sure you deburr the PVC before you violate it.

Sam Adams mainly, though I started cutting mine with near beer for the first show. We would tape two shows back to back and if I got too buzzed on the first show I would find myself halfway into the second show screaming at the Juggies "Why isn't one of you blowing me?" and challenging Jimmy to a fight.

As far as favorite beer I like Sierra Nevada, Blue Moon, Sam Adams and Free.

No. Because during a routine blood test for an insurance physical last week my doctor said I had unusually high traces of Ranchero and Raggeaton in my blood and if I didn't quit listening in a few short years I would either be retarded or the mayor of Los Angeles.

Screw it off with deckers. You can even get them in colors that match the 2X6 and the stain you're going to apply. Use cordless impact driver and make sure you have and extra battery always charging. Good luck and when you're finished take a picture but don't send it to me.

I was taught to never raise a hand to a woman so obviously this is hypothetical and by no means do I want you guys to run with this and try to make something out of it. As long as we're clear that I would never engage in this behavior - Harriet Tubman.

I remember her as a cute little mousey redhead, but I was so obsessed with her sister - and more importantly whatever her mom had in the oven - I didn't pay her much attention. Had I known that "16 Candles" and "Pretty In Pink" were just around the corner I would have definitely kissed some ass.

The great William Shakespeare once said "The contractor always has the worst house on the block." And for your second question, no, that's the kind of thing an alcoholic does three years into sobriety or after a near death experience.

Yes. Ativan, booze, earplugs and an eyeshade. But if you're driving don't use the earplugs.

If you bend just a little bit at the knee I can rest my balls on your forehead.