I have eaten nothing but oatmeal for 99 days, AMA.

Why?

I went to Costco one day and bought a family pack of it. I felt great after I ate a bunch of it, over then ext couple of days I couldn't think of anything but eating oatmeal. I was at work thinking of eating oatmeal, I was on the computer thinking of eating oatmeal, I was dreaming about eating oatmeal. I will eat something else tomorrow, but I wanted to see how long I could eat it after that intense desire to put oatmeal inside my body.

Sounds like Arnold Schwarzenegger in POMPING IRON. I feel like I am cumming all day. In the morning I am cumming, at lunch I am cumming, in my oatmeal I am cumming. I am cumming all the time in my cinnamon oatmeal. The consistency is reaally amazing. Wanna bite?

Maybe this was all a reaction to some latent-homosexual desire I have to put hot creamy things in my mouth? I dunno, maybe it's just because oatmeal is as good as, or better than, most sex I have had in my life.

You have bad sex dude.

EDIT: I read the whole thread and realized that OP is just trolling us. No way he can actually believe oatmeal is better than sex.

I said most sex.

I just woke up the entire house, thank you so much

No problem.

Also lemme find some pics I actually took one right before I started this, then I can take one now.

Ah, the rare batshit crazy AMA.

I know, there are some crazy people asking questions.

It's not that far fetched.

What exactly does CardMoth mean?

No fucking seriously what does cardmoth mean dont you fucking dare die until you tell us.

CardMoth reminds me of something that would have been in my grandparent's closet.

Roughly 90 minutes until 100 days. Time enough for one more bowl of Oatmeal.

Then it's off to Woodstocks Pizza.

Woodstocks near the Vons near SDSU.

This is one of my favorite AMAs ever. OP is hilarious.

Thank you, not a question, but an admirable comment.

how are your poops?

My poops have been vigorous, they smell very bad, but they have given me lots of pleasure over the holiday season. Pics coming now, uploading them currently.

You're uploading pics...of your poop? Why?

I could upload a pic of my first poop after I eat real food again.

www.ratemypoo.com

This was one of my favorite web sites when I still used AOL dial-up.

That must have been the cheapest 100 days of food possible.

Definitely light on the budget. You can get 80 servings at Costco in CA for $6.

After reading this thread I have confirmed that oatmeal makes you freaking hilarious.

Thank you, I appreciate the support.

Were you ever tempted to sneak in a non-oatmeal snack? How did you keep sinful non-oatmeal urges at bay?

Chronic masturbation.

Now we know how you lost the 12 lbs

Or at least the last 11.

You must've really devOATed your lifestyle to eating oatmeal. That sounds MEALly hard to do.

It seemed like an OATragious idea for the first few days, but after I got into the swing of things it just became inGRAINed in my routine.

You must be craving lot's of other foods. But I bet it was worth the WHEATing time of 100 days.

We'll just have to be really FLAX about what we let fly in this threat because Oatmeal is not Wheat.

Really, guys? Puns? You're gonna make me mad enough to become a cereal killer.

You're suppOATS to capitOATlize the punny part.

Fuck all of you.

We have a hOATer in the thread.

Can you poop?

I actually pooped in my pants twice after about 2 weeks of the diet, I ruined my chili pepper pajamas and my Big Dog shorts, both irreplacable, but it was worth it overall.

Once I was alseep though.

Fuck. Not the Big Dogs.

Thank you to whoever gave me reddit gold! Never expected to get it while talking about Big Dog and shitting your pants but hey, whatever.

I know, if there was one item of clothing I never planned on throwing out it was my last pair of Big Dogs. People on Reddit try to act like they've loved some piece of crap that looks good in a picture all their lives and they submit it like it's art. I truely loved my Big Dogs and I know how jelly they made everyone. Give me a pair of double mesh Big Dog shorts over skinny jeans any day of the week.

greatest. ama. ever.

That's more of a comment than a question, but I appreciate it all the same.

All I have to ask is why?

All I have to ask is why not?

I find this strangely profound

I find this profoundly strange.

Do you eat it plain (with water) or do you add salt, milk, brown sugar, or cinnamon?

I eat it with soy milk and nothing else, I looked up if I could do it with only water or only milk and it was suggested that I may develop scurvy, so I used soy milk which has vitamin C in it.

Yeah getting scurvy would be a real concern, wouldn't it?

Yeah I dunno why but scurvy has been a going concern for me throughout my life. when I was a kid my Dad would make jokes about people getting scurvy and it sank in real deep. Now every once in a while I notice I haven't had any vitamin C in a while and I run out and eat an orange. This has been quite a test for me and my scurvy phobia.

Honestly, how is your sex drive? I mean, a lack of complete proteins, "good" cholesterol, zinc, etc. should be thwarting any erections that may want to happen..

It took me like 25 minutes to masturbate last night.

By gosh, eat some oysters, man! Not even kidding, I can masturbate twice in 25 minutes.

I might get some oysters if the Japanese food place is still open at about 11, I don't like the raw ones, they remind me of fishy oatmeal, but I do love me some kake(fried oysters)!

So, you don't like oysters... because they remind you of the food you're so in love with that you've eaten nothing but that for the past 3 months?

They remind me of fish plavored Oatmeal, I've heard when fish tastes like fish that the fish is n ot good, if the Oatmeal tastes like fish, it's definitely bad.

Avoid fried foods. It may not matter as much when you're younger, but it certainly affects things when you get older. Something to keep in mind.

I'm sure my heart can handle it after nearly a killogram of soluble fiber over the past season.

complete proteins, "good" cholesterol

What are some examples of foods with the above in them? (asked seriously)

Eggs (with yolk), salmon, shellfish, and citrus fruits mixed in. Red meat is ok in the short term but I believe it will cause more problems to you cardiovascular health over time than its worth. Avoid excessive carbs, avoid soy-based foods (especially "fake" vegetarian option meats), abstain from alcohol and smoking, excercise regularly (yoga is great). Also, learn to manage stress and anxiety as these are over-looked boner-killers. Again, yoga. If you are on anti-depressants, your libido may be affected (except for Welbutrin;) ). And don't jerk off too much. Allow your penis to be naturally aroused by actual intimacy. Stay hydrated. Stay positive. And use a condom.

Also, try not to get herpes.

Avacado and Tuna.

Did you do anything creative with the oatmeal?

You mean like pour it out onto a cookie-sheet and form it into the shape of a woman when I didn't want to eat any more Oatmeal? Then making the voice of the woman saying, Dan, Dan please come eat me, I need to be in your mouth? No, not at all.

nigga is u srs

Ain't nobody got time for that.

Mmmm

hhhmmmmm

You seem strangely obsessed with oatmeal. Have you gone through any major life changes in the past few years?

A few close family members died, my significant other left me out of no where and all three of my hampsters died this year, but it's nothing that the power of oatmeal hasn't been able to help me cope with.

Have you gain/lost weight from this? What's your favorite type of oatmeal

I've lost 12 pounds.

did you change your exercise habits.. or was it simply the power of oatmeal?

I actually started to do the olympic rings in November, so I guess the power of oatmeal?

I take it that you don't lift.

I'll fight you IRL.

Cool. I don't know if your oatmeal body can do any damage, but I'm sure it will be a blast.

I'm like the wind son! It'll be like trying to get your hands on a steaming bowl of oatmeal, it'll only hurt to touch me and I'll be through your hands as fast as you can grab hold of me.

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I don't even know who you are, but I'll bet you play Taric.

I'm pretty open-minded but 100 days is too long...

You're missing out, just submit to the oatmeal.

I subscribe to the oatmeal, does that count?

There is only one Oatmeal and if you take it into your heart then it does count.

before-after pics???

Day 99 nothing but Oatmeal

http://imgur.com/T3yDd

You have great eyes. So dreamy.

Thanks, everyone says I have my grandpa's eyes.

Does he miss them?

No, he's dead, but my grandma misses hers.

A beautiful smile too

I'm shy because of my teeth.

Are they covered in oatmeal?

Nah oatmeal doesn't stick to your teeth like other foods do. But I do have "oatmeal teeth".

What is "oatmeal teeth"?

Seriosuly?

how many calories of oat meal did you eat. Seems like your weight is about the same but body fat percent went down

Anywhere from about 2500 with soymilk in it, to like 800 on days when I was REALLY sick of oatmeal.

Day 1 nothing but Oatmeal.

http://imgur.com/wI6tQ

Well hello there.

Hi, could I interest you in a nice hot bowl of oatmeal?

I make my oatmeal from scratch. Apple juice instead of water, and topped with toasted coconut... mm mm.

That's good.

If you eat sam adams and pizza i bet you will puke

I'm not sure what else you'd suggest me eating? Oatmeal squares? That would be ludicrous.

How did you not get tired of oatmeal?

I am very sick of oatmeal, at some point I just kind of went on auto-pilot mode. I got to a point after about 40 days where not getting to 100 days just seemed commical. There were a number of days where I ate one a day because I couldn't imagine eating any more oatmeal, but when you get hungry enough, and all you have is oatmeal, you'll eat oatmeal.

You must have the willpower of a god. Hearing your story makes me want to do something similar myself but I can already see myself starting on a Wednesday and sitting by the bar with a basket of wings in front of me with my friends on Friday.

That's a horrible attitude and you have horrible friends, don't let them hold you back, submit to the Oatmeal, 100 days of only Oatmeal and you'll be a new man, capable of anything you want to do.

Do this for health reasons?

Yes, my tatse buds were lacking in oatmeal.

What is your next meal going to be?

Sam Adams and pizza

Any particular flavors you indulged in? Apple cinnamon? Brown sugar? Plain? Sampler pack?

Plain.

Oh you know what, I played along with this shit for awhile in this AMA but this is where I cross the god damn line.

I am calling a big plain bullshit right here.

If you eat nothing but sugary cereal for 100 days you will have no taste buds at all.

I ate oatmeal for most meals during a summer when I was doing a start-up. I ate it raw - just like cereal. Sometimes I just poured water on it. Sometimes milk. I remember after a long day of work, I expected to have oatmeal and water. When I got home to my kitchen I saw that my girlfriend had dropped off milk, Corn Flakes, and sugar. Seriously, that was a memorable meal.

Oatmeal is the shit. I had a big-ass bowl yesterday.

A clever entrepreneur indulging in Oats. Who's crazy now?

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I find Turkey disgusting, I had an experience as a child where I bit into a sandwich loaded with Turkey lunch-meat. What I bit into was a "pocket" of Turkey-Fat in the lunch-meat. Now whenever I think of Turkey I think of "lunch-meat fat-pockets". My family found it quite strange, my Mother was clearly bothered by it but refused to even aknowledge that it was weird because I think if she did she would have over-reacted. My brother's 5 year old daughter thought it was pretty cool.

Do you plan on eating oatmeal in the future, or are you calling it quits?

I plan on taking a break from Oatmeal, but everyone once in a while a person must induldge in the creamy joy that is Oatmeal. My largest fear right now is that the first "hard" substance I eat will cut the now tender roof of my mouth.

how much more toilet paper did you use?

So much that I started hiding it from my room mates for fear of running out. I literally have half used toilet paper rolls hidden around the house like an acoholic house wife has Vodka bottles.

How much has your squat increased by?

Box squat or deep squat?

Box squat?! The only real squats are below parallel and do not involve boxes!

Below parallel box squats to kill the momentum, wouldn't want my massively muscular claves to bounce my hammies right back up.

How did you poo look like

It has becoming really unique, I'd equate it to something like a heirloom poop, to use a food reference. You can tell it's poop, but it has almost a mustard yellow tinge to it and it ALWAYS comes out as one solid piece surrounded by a mucosy membrane. Sort of like an egg. It's kind of like I lay a soft slimmy egg everytime I poop.

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Yeah soon I'll be back to eating pizza and fried foods and they'll be able to sell me cholesterol medicine and Viagra someday.

What food did you crave the most whilst only eating oatmeal?

By far Pizza and avacados, I had dreams about both many times. I woke up with my pillow in my mouth one night, half dead from losing all of my liquid through my touge as I tried to eat my "pizza pillow".

What did you do with the other food in your house? Did lots of it expire during your oatmeal spree?

I have four room-mates so they got a good deal of free food.

Why didn't you go for the world record for number of days just eating oatmeal?

I don't know, I just don't have a real desire to. This was more a self-fulfilling thing than a grab at glorious oatmeal fame.

How soon is it going to be before you feel like eating oatmeal again? Never? Soon?

I'll try to keep eating it once a day for a while to avoid shocking my system too much.

Has your health improved? How are you getting all your vitamins?

My health has not improved, I have lost some weight and my hair is surprisingly healthy, but my skin is not doing well at all and my joints hurt.

Maybe it's time to rethink your diet...

The diet is over in 3 hours.

How is your cholesterol?

It's like Mitton's chance of winning in 2016, low.

Is it worth it?

The joy of oatmeal is surpassed by very few things in this world. Given the chance to do it again I would.

I know my time with nothing but oatmeal is coming to a close and can not go on forever, but it was amazing.

How many oatmeals do you eat a day?

one to five or six.

Do you know if you lost mostly muscle or mostly fat?

I'm actually stornger now than I was 100 days ago, but my joints don't feel good. I feel like maybe a 50 day Oatmeal only diet would have made me really strong and not taken such a toll on my aching back and knees.

How much weight have you lost? Your Colon must be polished to a fine luster by now, do you plan on having it photographed?

12 pounds, hadn't thought about it until now, maybe.

This pizza is better than Jesus.

28 Minutes to pizza!

would you like some dhaansaak?

Ain't nobody got time for that.

Did you lose any significant amount of weight because of it?

I lost 12 pounds.

What type of oatmeal?

Plain, but I ate it with Soymilk to avoid getting scurvy since Soy Milk has vitamin C in it.