IAMA intersex (hermaphrodite) living in Oman. AMA

Are you sexually active? Have you found yourself to be decidedly heterosexual or homosexual?

I never have sex and only rarely masturbate.

How do you feel about that? Is there a sense of longing or desire, or are you apathetic?

Honestly I do not feel much desire in that. And now as a girl I am taught not to think too much about sex and masturbation is wrong.

Now as a girl I am taught not to think too much about sex

That's really interesting. Were you taught differently when a "boy"? You are still the same person, and I feel like if you were told two different things in your life (one thing when you are male and another when you are female) that would (or maybe should) cause you to question what your family/culture/society/religion are telling you.

That is the reality. Our society, and I think it is also the case of western society, is much free to boys and men on the issue of sex and more restrictions are imposed on girls and women on the issue of sex. In these two years my parents and the counsellors have repeatedly remind me the importance of chastity and reputation to a girl and woman. I am taught and told girls should not be lust and masturbation is wrong to a girl and not allowed by Allah. I am told men and boys are always keen in sex (which I well knew when I had a lot of boy friends) and so girls and women have to keep themselves away from boys and men to protect her chastity and reputation.

I think our "keen in sex" is also very artificial. I've met some girls that pretty keen in sex. Bow chikka bow wow.

I am told and taught a girl should not be keen in sex and that is not a good girl.

What do you think about that?

To some extend I agree with that. I well understand that chastity and reputation is very important to a girl and woman in our society.

Depends in which western society really. In England, sex education starts in primary school and sex isn't discouraged (in general - though I'm sure there are girls out there who have strict parents); we're just told to be safe and how to be safe.

Many don't believe it but teen pregnancy is going down and women are having children later too.

Unfortunately, there is no sex education in the western society sense in the schools here.

Cultural thing with masturbation being taught as wrong?

I think it is a mixture of cultural and religious thing.

So. How are you doing today?

Beginning my summer holidays and so far so good today.

Hi. I've lived in Oman for many years and I must say it is pretty courageous for you to be doing this, if it is real. And kudos to your parents too for supporting you through this, as opposed to just buying you an abaya and telling you to deal with it.

Also, proof?!

My mother is supportive and she provides a lot of guidance to me in the change and I feel more closer to her. On the other hand, my father and my brothers are becoming less closer, I think mainly because they already treated me as a girl.

It sounds like you have a big family; out of curiousity how many siblings of either sex do you have?

2 elder brothers, 3 younger sisters and 3 younger brothers. I am in a polygamy family and my father has two wives.

Two wives? Yea, that makes him "keen in sex".

Men in Oman are allowed to have 4 wives in maximum and many men do have 2.

Are the husbands required to care for their wives equally? I mean, if your father, for example, gets your mother an item, is it customary to provide the second wife with the same item?

In theory and in law the husbands are required to care their wives equally. In practice I note my father is treating my mother and my stepmother equally.

Are you close to both wives? Are they both "mom," or only your birth mom? Do they live in the same household? I'm super curious how plural marriage works there.

My mom is my mom and another is only stepmother. I am closed to my mother only.

We are not living in the same household, but not far from each others. The two families have frequent contact, and sometimes would have dinner together.

Were you close to your mother before you started being aware of all these changes? If not are you glad to be closer to her? I am a mother of two sons and our culture doesn't always support closeness between mother's and sons and it makes me sad. I don't have any daughters so I don't know if it would be different but I would be very sad if my sons felt they couldn't be close to their mother because of a gender divide.

I was no close with my mother before the change. As a boy, I was more close with my father and brother. It was only after I began to live as a girl that I get closer with my mother. And also a consequence of being restricted in freedom is that I can spend more time with my mother in home and that make our relationship much closer.

I am glad to be closer to my mother. She is kind and care. I much appreciate she try very hard to teach and tell me all the things which a girl has to learn and know throughout childhood and puberty in such short period of time and help me to adapt to the new gender role. At the same time, I try my best to assist her to do the housework.

For the surgery that you're scheduled to have this month: is that something you yourself want or something you feel pressured to have (or perhaps a little of both)?

I would say a little bit of both. I feel it necessary to have the surgery to make myself "normal", in the sense of what the others in the society accepted as normal. I wish to live a normal life and being accepted by all others around me and my future partner. I don't wish to risk others finding the secret between my legs.

Thanks for responding. As a follow-up, does this surgery carry much risk of losing sensation in the area? Admittedly I'm not too informed about the state-of-the-art when it comes to intersex corrective surgeries.

The doctors said that most of the nerves and the tip will be retained but they also said that it is not avoidable that some sensation will be losed.

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I wish to live a normal life as a normal girl and so I choose to have the surgery. I do not wish to risk others finding out what is between my legs.

You shouldn't have to go through surgery to feel accepted

As a member of society, I feel it necessary to do so.

Just make sure that it is YOUR choice not someone else's

Edit: the last thing you want is to go through with it and regret it afterwards.

To be honest I am a little bit hesitate (and only a little bit) to the surgery as that is irreversible and I don't know whether I would regret it afterwards.

Have you had a chance to talk to anyone who has already had this surgery to see how they felt about it afterwards?

No, never have the chance.

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My vagina opening is just normal now.

Its not dissimilar to a transgender operation. You should talk to someone online to get the answers you're looking for.

No, the doctors said it is operation known as clitoroplasty and the surgery is about reducing the size of the penis-like tube into a clitoris and relocating the urethra opening to where it should be. And also some comestic surgery to the labia.

don't do it then.Being accapted by the society means almost nothing

No, being accepted by the society means a lot to me.

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The doctors said that I am able to get pregnant but it may be risky if deliver vaginally and so c-section is advised.

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The doctors said that my pelvis may not be wide enough but that do not make vaginally delivery impossible but only risky.

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I never felt attracted to girl and also did not felt attract to boy before. Now I identify myself as a girl and naturally I feel I am attract to male.

How are you attracted to men now if you weren't before?

Honestly speaking I never feel attract to any man but my feeling is that as a girl and woman I should be attracted to male as that is something natural.

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I just doing all the changes to live a normal life and why I should risk doing something which is considered by the society as abnormal.

A few people are downvoting this response. Here are the laws regarding homosexuality in Oman:

Homosexuality in the Sultanate of Oman is illegal according to § 32 of the penal code and can be punished with a jail sentence of up to 3 years

In practice I know the authority seldom enforce the law, but it is the society who is imposing the punishment.

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I am keeping on attending religious counseling, which the counsellors are guiding me how to adjust to the new gender role and how to ease my mind in the change.

Having lived as a muslim boy for most your life, do you perceive women or their place in society (in Islam, in Oman...) differently now that you are becoming one? I'm wondering specifically if you now see advantages to being a woman that you hadn't thought of before, or if you've realised some things you did as a boy are perceived by girls differently than you thought?

As a boy, I was taught that girls and women should be protected by men. Liked other boys and men, I perceived women as some type of lust, so girls and women have to be covered before men and not to mix with boys and men. The place of women should mainly be in the home. I saw such restrictions as normal and natural and never regarded them as discrimination.

Now I feel such perceiving is wrong and those restrictions upon women are unreasonable. Those were only the excuse of men trying to protect their privileges and are unfair to women. Everyone, no matter man or woman, should be equal and women should not be treated as second class citizens.

Really not trying to be rude, for I am curious. Which body part do you use to masturbate?

The sensation mainly come from touching the penis-like tube, but I also feel good in touching the vagina opening.

Okay, I've seen a lot of questions on here that skate over the big one: just how much are you going to miss being able to pee standing up?

To be honest I still keep on standing to pee and that is much more convenient. I think I would going to miss being able to pee standing up a lot after the surgery.

Why didn't a doctor ever check to see what kind of internal organs you had? Is that kind of medical technology available in Oman?

I was not born in a hospital. And since my birth my parents had never took me to have any detail body check. My parents said that when I was still an infant the genital looked more like a boy if not closely looked.

What does your voice sound like?

high pitch female voice. My body never generated any male hormones and I never had a boy puberty.

It seems your father is supportive. How about the rest of your family? Are you able to discuss yourself with others around you?

I understand that my father like sons more than daughters. He said he preferred me to be a boy rather than a girl, if it was possible.

My mother and younger sisters and brothers are more or less neutral on the matter. They are neither supportive nor feel it is hard to accept my change of identity. It is my elder brothers who have much stronger view on the matter. They are of the view that as I am genetically a girl, I should not pretending to continue to live as a boy.

Apart from my immediate family and the religious counsellors and the doctors, I have never discussed myself with others around me.

Thanks for your reply :)

Another question if I may? Do you see yourself ever getting married, or into a relationship ever? What obstacles? do you think you might have to overcome for this to happen?

The doctors said that I would looked normal in appearance and the organs inside my body are also completely functional as normal and so there is no need to tell anyone of my pass after the surgery.

Do you have any desire (knowing that Oman is a rather conservative society) to be open with someone about this? You seem to be a very frank individual.

I do not plan to be opened about this with my future husband and his family.

Have you ever thought of moving to another country? Like somewhere in europe or the US etc.

No, I never think about that.

How is your romantic life? Is it what you would hope it is?

I never have sex and never date anyone before. In our country it is rare for boy and girl to date each other.

How do you get to know eachother if you dont date? i dont understand?

Most of the marriage here is still arranged by parents.

How is that working out? do you have any say who you want to be with or are parents just saying that you go with that man and thats it?

Theortically speaking I can say no to the man choose by my parents. And as more and more women go to work, there is more cases that man offers (of course to the girl's parents) to marry the woman he knows in the workplace. However, dating is still rare.

You had mentioned in another post that you don't feel any reason to share the surgery with a future spouse, do you think your parents would share that detail with them when arranging the marriage?

I don't think they will share my past with my future husband and his family when arranging the marriage. There is simply no need to do so.

When you get married, will you ever tell your husband about your pre-surgery life?

The doctors said that everything will look normal and function normal after the surgery and I do not intend to tell my husband about my past.

Are you able to have children? I know you said you're developing as a woman and have your period, but are your ovaries able to produce eggs? Also, do you have working testicles as well? or are they non-functional?

The doctors said I am able to get pregnant. My ovaries are producing eggs just as normal girl.

I do not have testicles.

Do you feel ashamed of the body you have now?

Yes, I feel ashamed of the body I have now as I understand others around will see me as a freak like that. I wish to have it corrected.

Because you were raised as a boy, do you have more of an interest in girls than guys? My apologies if this is too personal.

I never felt attract to girl and neither have the feelings of being attracted to guy before.

I think you being 17 has a lot to do with it. That's a very young age for men and women to know exactly who they are or what they want. Especially under your circumstances. I think because you have a women's reproductive system Its a matter of hormones. Me being a woman I didn't really care to much about the opposite sex when I was your age. I think everything will be fine if you just trust your gut and put yourself and your needs first... I think if your not completely happy with the surgery I would just wait. But I have a question,wouldn't getting the surgery help you figure out who you were as a woman? I feel like I'd be really confused to have male AND female genitals..

yes, I have the same feeling as you said. Even now I do feel a little bit confused when looking up in the mirror on my genitals.

Before you found out that your internal organs are female, were you content to be living as a boy?

Before I found out that my internal organs are female, psychologically I was not absolutely sure in identifying myself as a boy, but I was content to be living as a boy. In any event there were much convenience and advantage to be living as a boy and I enjoyed those convenience and advantage.

Interesting answer. What were some of the advantages you lost? How is it different living as a female in Oman in terms of how you are perceived and treated in public?

My father has imposed a lot of restrictions on me. Before I was allowed to go anywhere with anyone at anytime. Now I must get the approval of my father or my elder brothers to go out. I have to report to them in regular when I am going out. I am not allowed to go out in evening and in night and I must be home by 7:00p.m. In law I am not restricted to have a driving license but my father does not allow me to drive. As a Muslim girl I must wear an abaya and my father also requests me to wear a niqab whenever going out or whenever there is other men who are not my relatives visited our home. I no longer go to mosque with my father and brothers on Friday. I feel that others are less respect to me in attitude. I can feel many men do look at me oddly like that I as a woman should not be going in public. Sometimes I even hear some men gossip about that. I feel I am treating by the men as second class citizen.

Hello mustani! Your post has been removed because you have not provided adequate proof within a reasonable amount of time. Please see the /r/IAmA sidebar for posting guidelines. Thank you!

Verified.

what else proof should be provided?

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In the last few months when I was still in the boy school all the classmates teased and laughed at me everyday and I felt so embarassing in school. After the change and being transferred to a girl school, I make new friends and none of them know my background. I also have stopped meeting my previous male friends and classmates as my fathers does not allow me to continue to have any contact with them.

At present my plan is to continue to have university education and I sure wish to find a job after university.

Does your father not allow your old male friends because you're now female and females and males shouldn't mix?

Yes, you are right

Do you find this acceptable? Your body (and your mind) are the same as they were but suddenly it's bad to know them? Is this ok to you?

I was confused at first but now after living as a girl for nearly 2 years and with the continuing counseling I feel it is ok and I already accept my new gender identity.

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Yes, I have a change of name and I use the new name in school and I have got temporary identity documents bearing my name female name. However, the name and the gender on birth certificate and the formal identity documents (identity card and passport) can only be changed after the surgery.

In terms of the cultural life in Oman you have a unique perspective having lived your life as both male and female. What are the biggest differences you've noticed from society since your transition to living your life as a girl? Have you noticed any challenges / restricted freedoms / changes to your education etc ?

The biggest difference I note is that both men and women tend to more honour about male and give more respect to male. I feel I am now treating by the society and my family as a less valuable member.

My freedom is restricted to a certain extend living as a girl. As a girl in a Muslim country and society naturally I am requested to wear abaya whenever going out. Niqab is not requested by the country but most girls and women in Salalah do wear niqab and my father also insists me to do so when going out. Before when I was a boy I was free to go anywhere at anytime with my friends. Now I must get the approval of my father or elder brothers if I wish to go out and I have to report to them regularly. I am not allowed to go out late in evening and in nigth and must be back home before 7:00p.m. I am requested to break all the contact with my former friends who are boys and always being reminded should try to keep myself away from male. I am always reminded by my parents and elder brothers to behave myself to preserve the "reputation" of the family. Before I was never being reminded should keep away from girls and women and never being reminded I should behave myself in any way. I no longer go to mosque together with my father and brothers on Friday as girls and women here seldom do so.

In education there is not much restrictions and change. Girls have equal education opportunities with boys in Oman. I note the curriculum in girls school have more emphasis in moral and religious education and I think that is inevitable and do not think that as some type of restrictions.

I feel I am now treating by the society and my family as a less valuable member.

Are you okay with this? Judging from your other posts, you seem to have accepted your place...as a Westerner, I can't imagine being asked to live like this, I would leave the country. I'm curious how you can so easily accept it?

I think I do accept my gender role and okay with that, though not happy with that. I am sure I am physically a female and I accept and identify myself as a girl. Like many other girls and women in our society, so far as I have a female body I should accept my gender role as a female. That is somethings about adapting to match my physical and emotions and so far as other girls and women can do that and accept that why I cannot? Those are what the counsellors are teaching and advising me and they are right that I would feel more comfortable and more ease in my mind if thinking in that way.

You have been blessed with best of both worlds, physically. Literally being male or female, I believe are different worlds altogether. In the end all that matters is being good one. About how should you live, you really need to carefully observe your own emotions and physical state.

If physically it feels more safe, natural and comfortable like one, you should live that way. It may take time to realize it eventually. Remaining more conscious while observing your physical state will surely help you to come at decision. Emotions - I guess, they will align to your physical state eventually.

So what I feel is that you need some more time and being conscious while observing yourself.

Your advice is just very like that of the counsellors. They said that physically I should feel and be more safe, natural and comfortable living as a girl. I just need some more time to be conscious of observing what I should be.

HEY i lived in muscat for 4 years going to The sultans school. No question, just wanted to say hi :)

Muscate is far more good and liberal than Salalah. The influence of tribes are still strong in Dhofar and the society is much conservative here.

when you go to a public place, do you use men or ladies restroom?

I use the ladies restroom as my dressing is female.

Do you ever stand up to pee when you're in there?

Most of the time I still keep on standing up to pee as that is much more convenient.

I am curious as to female circumcision in your country. Is that practiced, and will you undergo such surgery when you have your operation?

Female circumcision is banned by law in Oman, but I understand and know that a lot of people still circumcise their daughters shortly after the birth. I will not undergo such procedure when I have my surgery.

Why have you decided to remove the penis rather than breasts and uterus, considering it is easier to be male in most societies?

The surgery of removing the breasts and the female organs inside the body would be more invasive and risky and more difficult and even after the surgery I can never been a normal male and have to depend on hormones medication for the rest of my life. Moreover, the persuasion of the doctors and the ulama made me feel that I am obliged to live as a girl as all the medical examination shown that I am a female. The doctors and the ulama even once hinted that if I chose to have the surgery the opposite way the public funding would not support that (we have free medical care in Oman).

Is it possible for you to forgo the surgery to "correct" yourself and instead find a man who would be happy with you as you are? Do you feel it is necessary to have the surgery for your own happiness? What sort of doctor will be performing it? Were I in the same situation, I would want somebody who specializes in gender reassignment, somebody who's done a lot of successful reconstructive surgery.

I myself feel it necessary to have the surgery as in our society it is difficult for others to accept the "abnormality". In our society there are only 2 genders: you are either male or female and life will be very difficult if you are something in between.

I shall have the surgery in a hospital in Saudi Arabia which is good and somewhat famous in doing surgery on similar cases. There is no doctor and hospital in Oman who and which are specialized in such type of surgery.

This may sound insensitive, but does your face resemble that of a girl's? I know you mentioned breasts and an XX chromosome, but I'm just curious to see how your face looks. Thanks for the AMA.

My face look completely feminine.

What was the biggest change for you? Do you think the change in sexual association (going from identifying as male to identifying to female) has affected you mentally at all?

The biggest change is that suddenly there are a lot of restrictions imposing on me.

I am requested to wear abaya and niqab whenever going out. Before when I was a boy I was free to go out anywhere at anytime with my friends. Now I must get the approval of my father or elder brothers if I wish to go out. I am not allowed to go out late in evening and in nigth and must be back home before 7:00p.m. I am requested to break any contact with my former friends who are boys and always being reminded should try to keep myself away from male. I am always reminded by my parents and elder brothers to behave myself to preserve the "reputation" of the family. Before I was never being reminded should keep away from girls and women and never being reminded I should behave myself in any way. I no longer go to mosque together with my father and brothers on Friday as girls and women here seldom do so.

In the first few months after being transferred to a girls school, I have a little bit difficulty in making friends with my new classmates as sometimes I can feel I think in somewhat different way from them and it sometimes like we were speaking different language. However, with just a few months I feel that I am assimilated to think and talk like a girl and I note that mentally I become more and more adopt to the girl way of life and thinking and identify myself as a girl.

I can't begin to imagine how confusing something like this would be, let alone the kind of impact it would have on you, within yourself (or not, not to go jumping to conclusions). None the less, I wish you all the best in the future, with your surgery and your life. Thanks for sharing~

thanks for your blessing.

After the surgery, did you begin to dress in traditional Islamic clothing ( Hijab, niqab etc.) ?

I began to wear abaya and niqab when I began the transition living as a girl. Wearing of abaya/hijab is a must in our country and society but niqab (the face veil) is not and niqab is banned in schools and offices. However, my father requests me to do so and I usually wear the niqab when going out.

How do Muslim people treat you and see you?, as being a hemaphrodite means you were born that way.

The Muslim counsellors and the ulama treat and see me as a normal female. but not a hermaphrodite. Their view is that I am a girl, only born with some abnormality which should and must be cured with surgery.

What do you prefer to live as a girl or a boy?

I accept and identify myself as a girl and psychologically feel comfortable living as a girl. However, I am unhappy with many disadvantage and restrictions being a girl. So it is somewhat difficult to say.

How was it explaining it to your friends at your old school where you were a boy?

I did not explain anything to them. In the last few months when I was still in the boy school, my classmates teased and lauged at me and said that I was a girl but I said nothing responding to their teasing. I have no contact with my friends at the boy school after transit to live as a girl, mainly because my father does not allow me to continue to have contact with boys.

do you have neighborhood boys who knew you as a boy? or did you start completely fresh?

There are a few neighborhood boys who knew me as a boy but since the transition I no longer have any real contact with them.

If your father and family allowed it, would you like to have contact with the boys from your old school?

I don't know. I don't know how to explain to them and deal with them. It is also not usual for a girl to keep in close contact with boys in our society and that may ruin my reputation.

When did you realise you were different? Since your parents wouldn't explain it.

What does the operation include? Minus the cosmetic "look normal" part, I assume nerves and everything will be rerouted including the urinary tube etc. Using the unwanted tissue?

As now, is it vagina, and man bit is like an unwanted growth? Have you got testicles too? Sorry the picture isn't very clear. Also excuse me if I sound insensitive, it is not intentional and I am really interested in the matter.

It does sound like a fairly major surgery too, considering nerves and reconstruction and such. How long will it take?

I hope it goes well.

It was about 8 or 9 that I noted I was different with other boys, when there was chance of looking at the part of other boys in the changing room and toilet.

The operation mainly involve reduction of of the penis-like tube into a clitoris, and reroute the urethra to its normal position. There will also some cosmetic surgery to the labia.

The doctors said the vagina is just a normal one. The penis-like tube is in fact the clitoris. I have no testicles.

The doctors said it will take 3 to 4 hours.

Can you get pregnant?

The doctors said that the female organs inside are normal and I am able to get pregnant.

how do you masturbate?? Do you work with both parts or just stick with one?

The sensation mainly comes from the penis-like tube but touching the vagina opening also feels good.

Do you feel at all pressured to transition to female, or do you feel it is the correct identity for you?

I felt the pressure from the school and the doctors and the ulama to transition to female. They put many pressure on me in persuading me to do so. But now I feel it is the correct identity to me.

Sorry this sounds like a mean yet dumb question but, have you tried to have sex yourself? I mean you have both the organs in one place..ever been curious?

never and it is impossible to do so.

Not sure if this was previously asked, but what gender do you more naturally identify with? I know that, nowadays, gender is fluid and that you were raised a male. However, do you identify more with the male or female gender?

Now I am sure that I am phsyically a female and I accept and identify myself as a girl.

Do you feel more comfortable now as a girl? Or do you still consider yourself a boy/ wish you were still a boy? I'd imagine that would give you a sense of identity conflict but at the same time closure on what your true gender is.

I accept and identify myself as a girl and psychologically I feel comfortable now as a girl, but I do feel unhappy with many disadvantages and loss of privilge being a girl.

Sorry if this is stupid but how do you masterbate?

By touching the penis-like tube, which the doctors said in fact is an enlarged clitoris.

Thanks for doing this AMA, this is really interesting.

Forgive me if anyone has asked this already, but I am curious to know two things: 1) Will you tell future partners about this? and 2) can you derive sexual satisfactions (orgasm) with your current anatomy?

1. The doctors said everything will look normal and function normal after the surgery and I do not intend to tell my future partner about this.

2. I can have orgasm in masturbation, mainly by touching the penis-like tube.

How do you masturbate? Do you stimulate your penis, or your clitoris? (do you have a clitoris?)

I masturbate by touching the penis-like tube, which the doctors said that is indeed an enlarged clitoris.

Do you think that this has made you feel more insecure? or is it something that you know well enough to be comfortable with yourself?

What do you mean?

When you go to public restrooms which do you choose

I go to female restrooms as I am dressing female.

Does your body produce sperm? If yes, then this is a proper miracle.

No, I have no testicles.

my girlfriend is friends with a hermaphrodite. all i wanna know is, is your penis bigger than mine?

The size is what you can see in the picture and even during erection the size would not grow much.

OP can you provide actual proof instead of a picture taken off google search. This subreddit has a history of Arab girls claiming to intersex but never providing proof.

I have provided another proof to the mod but not sure whether that is sufficient and whether the mod can verifying the same.

Care to explain why you are doing a second AMA only days after the first?

The previous post was removed and the mod suggested me to provide further proof, which I do so when posting this one.

Can we see your face?

no, sorry

Why did you post the same shit twice without new proof, even though you were explicitly asked in the last thread, after a mod deleted your post?

http://www.reddit.com/r/IAmA/comments/1hog5r/iama_intersex_hermaphrodite_ama/

The picture you posted is so bad that it could have been photoshopped. Please post a new one with a note of the date and your reddit username.

Meanwhile, I've reported this submission as fake.

I have already provided other proof to the mod and this post is verified.