IAMA 39 y.o. guy recovering from emergency penis surgery last night. My injury occurred during vigorous sex with my wife. AMA and yes, prepare for TMI.

Who else was literally cringing as they read this? My girlfriend asked me why my face was so screwed up.

LOL I think that's an instinctive male reaction. I told my 10 y.o son about it and he did exactly the same.

how did you break it to him? "Son, your mother broke my penis."

to the OP: please answer this question!!

OK. My family came to visit me this morning as I was preparing to leave the hospital and he asked what happened. He knew I'd had surgery and he asked where so I said that I'd injured my penis and they'd had to cut it open to stitch it up. At this point his face wrinkled up and he lost interest in any further info!

Generally I tell my boys the straight, honest truth. Both my kids were worried about me so I wanted them to understand exactly what was going on, I didn't want them thinking I had a brain tumour or anything.

"No son, it's nothing bad like a brain tumour or anything. I just tore a gaping hole in my penis and it filled up with blood before breaking in two. The doctor had to fillet it like a fish before running metal thread through it several dozen times on a sharp needle and pumping me full of painkillers so I won't scream madly and drive this car off a bridge."

No matter how I try to phrase this, I can't imagine my dad saying it in a way that wouldn't require years of intensive therapy to forget.

Hell, I'M going to need therapy after that description!

My wife was just rather disappointed when I told her there would be no Sexy Time tonight. I'm pretty sure I'll have to jam a finger up my arse and yell "SNAKE!" just to scare my penis far enough out to pee for the foreseeable future.

That's right up there with the funniest comments I've ever read. Well done sir!

Every time someone asks how your sex life is, you have to say "My wife fucks me so hard she broke my dick!"

I must admit there is an element of fuck yea about it.

So it's probably pretty painful to get an erection I bet now huh? Shit sucks, the same basic thing happened to a friend of mine.

Here's his ultrasound(maybe nsfw)

God damn you!!! ROFL!

My ultrasound image is here

D'awwww!!! It's a BOY!

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I asked the ultrasound tech for a printout to stick on my fridge, he LOLed.

Shit, with the cost of health care in the US, I'd be asking for multiple copies, framed, and signed by the tech. :D

I have private health insurance so it'll cost me about $1,000 excess.

Strangely enough, it would have been less expensive to use the public system here (Australia) as this was emergency surgery. Probably the same surgeon too but the theatres in the public hospital were all in use so I'd have to wait overnight. Also I get a private room rather than a public ward, no biggie either way for me.

My apologies for assuming you were in the US. I'm in Australia too, and I was about to say if you were on Medicare it would have been free. But I can attest, you would have been lying in a bed, pumped up to the eyes with drugs with your dick hurting for several days before they saw to you. Just out of curiosity, if you don't mind me asking, what state are you in?

I'm in Vic. That was my concern about the medicare option, being stuck in hospital for days.

I actually have an anatomy test tomorrow covering all of the whang stuff in your story. From my semi-trained eye the ultrasound can be labeled like this. If any anatomists out there disagree with my interpretation please let me know my 7:30 AM tomorrow.

Best of luck with your penis.

Very nice and I love the troll face, that is so appropriate!

The area that you've labeled the urethra was actually a blood clot at the bottom of the corpus spongiosum. You can see the clot stretching around the inside wall to the left of the pic.

This image didn't show my urethra that well but from memory it was located near the 's' in spongiosum on your sketch. If you lifted your outline of the corpus spongiosum up so that the bottom line was just above the word "urethra" you'll be spot on. Best of luck for your test, you should do very well!

Oh, Anatomy. No matter how well you do in that class, you'll only remember about two percent of that material after a year or so.

If you're going into medical school, you'd better be prepared to review that material frequently.

Funny thing - as the GP was doing his diagnosis he googled the anatomy of the penis. I asked him whether that was a special medical database and he said, "no, just a publically available anatomy page but be careful. The internet is a sewer". I guess doing google searches for "penis damage" maybe haunted him.

You're not the only one.

I also needed emergency penis surgery after sex with your wife.

I've been trying to think of a snappy comeback for hours but I have nothing. Well played sir.

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Good plan, so will I. Bear in mind though that it copped the impact of my wife's full weight directly onto the tip and pushing back into the body. I reckon that kind of impact would destroy say, a finger. Penises seem tougher than you might think!

You have just ruined cowgirl for me, at least for the next week or so. When you used the word "pop" I could feel the blood draining out of my head.

Glad you're okay now though!

Thanks. for the positive thoughts. It was cowgirl, incidentally, I didn't mention that in the post. Apparently that is a high-risk position for this type of injury...what a pity :(

I'm going to use this post when I start meditating more again so desire doesn't distract me. I think you've helped people reach enlightenment with his post.

How strange! I read a post (maybe in /r/wikipedia) about a Buddhist practice of imagining horrible things to reduce sexual desire. They had different levels of thought, things like imagining the half-digested food in one's intestines, etc. Not sure if they had broken cocks, they could certainly add it to the list.

What's your wife's weight?

70-odd kg and about 5'8"

You listed her weight in metric, but her height in imperial... Now I'm curious about where you're from.

I'm from Australia. We use metric and imperial interchangeably for height but weight is pretty much all in metric these days.

Hey buddy. Welcome to the club. Here was a little post I made about mine

For my case, I had morning wood and pushed down on it to get a pop sound... I had done this pretty much every morning for many months until one day it just SNAP. And holy shit what a scene... Unlike you my problem was an obvious emergency as I ripped the shit out of it and a blood blister the size of a tangerine quickly formed in my now flacid penis. Fucking shit it was scary. I didn't even know it was possible and was sure I was going to have a broken penis forever.

It has been 6 years since then. I still have a tiny bump where the fracture occured (scar tissue) but its unnoticeable to anyone except me unless I specifically tell them. Actually I found its an awesome way to get a girl to touch your penis. "Hey, want to know my darkest secret? A couple years ago I fractured my penis." They go "WHAAAAT?" and I say "yeah, you'd never know it unless I told you but there is a little bump where it happened, wanna feel?"

Works everytime.

I remember the 2 weeks following surgery, my dick and balls were as black as midnight and I had to walk around like I just shit myself. The one good thing about a penis fracture is that it has nothing to do with the balls, so you can still have kids... Really though, I advise people who have this happen to get to the surgery immediately because I've read that delaying surgery can result in additional scar tissue and it can result in a bent penis due to the pressure of said scar tissue.

A massive haematoma like you experienced would have been terrifying. There's something about injuring a dick that hits home that much harder - maybe something to do with the urge to procreate? I'm glad it worked out for you. Nice writeup!

OMG $80,000 that is terrifyingly expensive! Thank goodness for publically funded health care.

Dude! Naw!

(NSFW)

<nods> yup that's it.

ಥ_ಥ

<|>

/ω\

That's a great likeness!

So two guys touching your junk was your previous personal record?

I'd have to think about that to be sure...are we counting childhood and/or moments of extreme drunkenness?

I salute your manliness for fucking your woman so hard you broke your cock. Good day to you sir.

Thank you sir, I'm proud to say I was doing it like a boss.

I'm assuming no masturbation for six to eight weeks either? That is going to be miserable.

LOL yeah nothing is allowed. I think I even need to avoid hard-ons for a couple of weeks if possible. Too bad my dick has different ideas, I think he's enjoying being wrapped in a bandage a little too much ಠ_ಠ

Dude I'm winching so hard right now. God, it was so painful to read. And the fact that you said you cannot have hard-ons makes me think, what if you wake up with a morning boner and you hear that popping sound and your penis deflates. OH GOD

I should be right now, it's more a concern about pain that about risk of further injury. I have 14 stitches internally holding it together, probably stronger than the original tissue.

OP should name his penis "Rice Krispie Treat".

I love it!

At least you didn't need penile rotationplasty

Wow that is amazing, never had any idea that was possible. And thanks to the link, that condition makes mine seem trivial by comparison.

I promise you I'm not gay, but seriously, post a picture of your dick "wrapped in a bandage that just leaves the tip exposed for pissing." That sounds like it might be even more sad/funny than the pics you see of a dog with a cone around it's neck.

It is probably more pathetic than that dog but also gross with the bruising etc. I'll post it a little later, hopefully I won't become a meme.

Oh it will. And many rage comics too.

I'd love my own rage comic, I've had a few scenarios go through my head in relation to this incident but nothing genius as yet. When I'm done answering questions I'll have a go at one!

This one isn't particularly genius but it does convey the basics of the story, I think: http://imgur.com/aeZ1s.png

Thank you! That pretty much sums it up.

Where the hell are you that you can get in to see a doctor that fast?

I'm in Australia. But remember, this is classified as a surgical emergency just a level down from immediate life-threatening injury. Having said that, I'd made an appointment for the 1:40 visit. The rest was emergency protocol but I still had 4-5 hours of hurry-up-and wait. But we do have a fantastic health system here for the most part.

I don't feel your pain, but I'm pretty sure an ex boyfriend of mine did. We were so innocent, so good that evening. We watched tv, ate a lot of junk and then I was being childish so he gave me a piggy back to my room. He went to the spare room (my parents house) but at 4am practically crawled into my room gasping with pain.

I shit you not, our first response was to google what was wrong. Something about the words torsion and emergency gave us the impression we should get him to the hospital.

But I didn't have a license, and he couldn't drive in that agonized, "please-make-it-stop" state.

I had to go out to my dads office and explain, while he was still working at 4am for a looming deadline, that he had to "drive us to the hospital please because Dude thinks he has twisted his, er, testicle."

Dad's face: 0_0 followed by >< No questions asked. Good Dad.

The hospital staff were tools, trying to ask Dude questions (social security number, dob - stuff I could have told them) while he was standing there gasping from pain. My dad began to tear them a new one and they admitted Dude. It really is a male thing to protect the collective junk.

It was in fact Testicular Torsion which required emergency surgery or could have meant the loss of one or both testicles. A pain quoted by the FEMALE doctor to be the "male equivalent of childbirth."

First thing Dude said on the morphine drip was "man I'm hungry." Atta boy.

tl;dr ZERO hanky-panky lead my poor ex to get a twisted testicle. Luckily for me, it was in no way the reason we broke up ages later. Luckily for him, everything remained in working order after emergency surgery.

OUCH I think that condition hurts a lot more than what I've got. Your dad sounds grea,t as do you! Your ex-bf was lucky he was at your place, many people wouldn't have dealt with that situation as well as you did.

Glad it all worked out. On the up side, having had a fairly substantial piece of jewelry installed, I can tell you it heals fast. First piss hurts like hell, second stings a little, third you don't even notice. First couple days of morning wood suck though. Pro-tip (pardon the pun) before bed time, drink 6 ouches of water with a pinch of sea salt in it. The slight increase in sodium reduces your kidney/bladder output. This reduces the chances of a full bladder come morning, which reduces morning wood a LOT. I so wish someone had told me about that trick when I got my piercing.

Thanks mate, I'll give that a go! I've never been so sensitive about my wood before but I'm noticing every twitch at the moment. The old fella's down but definitely not out it seems.

been there, my friend, but i was stupid enough not to seek help. Mine happened when a lady friend mistook my morning wood for a "go" sign, and didn't prep herself before she decided to take a ride.

Results?

Can't achieve erection most times, and can't hold erection to orgasm. This is some 10 years later, I might add. (how's that for TMI?)

I wish you a speedy recovery.

Be careful boys!

Thank you for your post. Your story makes me glad I got it checked out and hopefully fixed. Is there anything you can do at this stage? Surgery might still be an option.

You know what's worse than whanging your hard-on?

Edit: No, seriously. Is there anything worse?

I've felt more pain from other things but nothing so far has had such drastic consequences.

To be honest, I'd rather this injury than some others I've had. Rollerskating down that big hill when I was 16...that was...bad. I still shudder when I think of the 2.5 metre long skin streak I left on the road.

Half a night of hot sweaty sex, half a night with wiener, having a wank just to check if it works, Pop! goes the penis.

LOL that is a fantastic poetic tl;dr!