697
Basically, I drive a large panel van to and from the bar. People phone the bar and tell them their address, the time they want to be picked up, and how many people are coming. At the end of the night, I take everyone home when they're completely smashed.
FOR FREE.
I'm new to Reddit. So, you know, sorry... I'm trying to respond to everything and it's harder than I thought...
Some of you know what pub I work at, and despite the weird things I say, the staff is incredibly professional.
If I stop responding for a bit then I've actually left to go do some work. I'll get back to you, though.
HAHA my boss found me.
NoMoreRedditNames138 karma
You're welcome brother. Maybe one day you'll find yourself at my bar. I'll happily drive you home.
NoMoreRedditNames214 karma
They do, actually. I make a pretty penny. The guys all tip well. They'll slap me a five and say "thank for the ride bro!" and wander off. The girls don't tip at all usually. They just give me a "thanks ;)".
155PoundsGone29 karma
I have two questions OP: 1)Ever picked up a woman that got on your bus? 2)Ever picked up a woman that got on your bus?
NoMoreRedditNames70 karma
I'm scared to answer this because someone on here knows what pub I work at and who I am.
Dzhone14 karma
Yeah but saying that pretty much admits that you have. If you really hadn't you would've just said no.... I'm not trying to convince you to tell the story btw.
NoMoreRedditNames52 karma
I actually came up with it all by myself. No joke.
But go for it. Just stay away from Canada. I shall monopolize it here.
littlemamaqt3142 karma
This is pretty much the best thing anyone has ever said. Today. I too would want to be your friend. However, I believe what would actually happen would be me calling you after your shift/rounds (whatever you call it) and annoying you into telling me all the sordid (read: awesome) details of your latest adventure.
NoMoreRedditNames3 karma
I like being whitty.
I'm always happy to share stories. I enjoy bringing laughter and joy to others almost as much as I enjoy spreading malice and tears.
Could always PM me. I'm a social butterfly.
77captainunderpants28 karma
3) ever pick a bus off of a woman? 4) how many women does it take to pick up a bus?
greenbobz8 karma
most girls i know take all the money out of their purse before they leave except maybe 4 dollars to buy their first beer and the rest is history.
NoMoreRedditNames14 karma
Which is irritating as all hell. It's one of the reasons I don't like girls.
Such a cruel joke that nature has genetically programmed me to persue them.
NoMoreRedditNames40 karma
Because drunken fools buy them drinks thinking that they're going to get somewhere, and it reinforces that women can behave in such a way.
imnoking1 karma
Wait do they give you "thanks" or a "thanks ;)" Does this job get you knee deep in pussy?
NoMoreRedditNames14 karma
I was once. She died.
But no, they just try and look all pretty and wander off.
NoMoreRedditNames69 karma
If I stop responding for a while I've actually gone to do some work. But I'll respond for sure.
joeyfjj30 karma
You may want to put updates like this at the top by editing your post. That way, they don't get buried in the comments, and more people will see it.
NoMoreRedditNames155 karma
I have lots. But one that sticks out was when a drunk girl took off her shirt and passed out. So I had an unconcious girl in my van who was completely topless and wouldn't wake up. Couldn't stop imagining a cop rolling up at that very second. Took me half an hour to get her to put everything back on. Later, as I picked more people up, she started making out with a guy in the back seat, and took her top off again. Lots of people saw her tits that night.
It was a good night. Especially because later I had witnesses to say that she gets topless of her own volition...
dontfoxwithme77 karma
You really should install a small camera to help protect you from liability. This kinda situation sounds like a recipe for disaster. Buy a GoPro.
NoMoreRedditNames208 karma
I've thought about it, but I would immediately become corrupt and sell the film to a reality TV show.
NoMoreRedditNames36 karma
Understand Danny, I would use that footage out of a desire to do good. But through me, it would wield a footage too great and hilarious to imagine.
LustrousWS61 karma
In your line of work, this is immediately what gave me pause. Sounds like a good job though - even though you may be enabling some alcoholism but 99.9% of alcoholics will do what they will do no matter how easy or difficult you make it for them...
Thank you for the AMA.
ILL_Show_Myself_Out48 karma
When I'm drunk I blather at people like bus drivers. They always seem interested in what I'm saying. Are you really or are you just humoring me?
NoMoreRedditNames83 karma
Depends what you have to say. Since people usually spill their guts when drunk or are hilariously slurring their speech, I pay attention, because it's funny and just oh-so-juicy.
NoMoreRedditNames69 karma
Well, not couples. But I've said earlier that I've had two people making out in the back and the girl got completely topless.
I'm sure people have gotten/given head while I've driven. Haven't blatantly seen it yet.
NoMoreRedditNames67 karma
Nope, Tom. I graduated high school with Lorne. I'm the driver with the tie. Currently out of province so you wouldn't have seen me in a while.
Small internet.
IJIT77 karma
Mr. Nomore -- that person who guessed who you are has a lot of gone wild posts
NoMoreRedditNames200 karma
I'm Canadian. Lots prompted me to do it. Money, obviously. Also public service. I've wanted to be a public servant my whole life, following my dad and the career he made out of it, and what better public service is there than getting drunks home safely at the end of the night? It's incredibly rewarding.
Also, chicks dig it. And that's the real reason. I am incapable of true altruism.
MustacheEmperor112 karma
Also, chicks dig it. And that's the real reason. I am incapable of true altruism.
OP of the year nomination submitted.
ShroudofTuring3 karma
How did you get involved with that particular pub? You mentioned elsewhere that a cop pulled over to see what was up when you let someone out to puke... what was the cop's reaction to your service? Are you the only one?
Thanks for being there for people!
NoMoreRedditNames3 karma
Answered in other responses. Most people in the area know about the service. The cops just asked the girl if she was okay, and lightly jacked her up for getting that drunk. He didn't even say anything to me, actually.
NoMoreRedditNames130 karma
I deal with retards all the time. People who yell at me, people who yell at other passengers, people threatening to fight, etc. I simply tune them out. Last time I worked one guy threatened to stab another guy. "Come at me bro! I'll fucking stab you! You think I care!? I don't care!" I've never actually kicked someone out of the bus before, but I've seen the bouncers rip someone out for being mouthy to them.
I've managed to talk countless people out of taking the boots to each other. Also, I've mastered the art of destroying people with inertia by way of taking sharp corners and slamming them in to walls if they're being dicks.
S4NDHUSKIED24 karma
We do the same thing at the bar I work at. It brings in a lot of business when people know they don't have to worry about driving or calling a cab.
NoMoreRedditNames23 karma
Yeah, it's a great service. Also helps remove the liability the bar faces when a customer is arrested for an impaired, because we offer a convenient and obvious alternative to driving.
Jack_Sawyer3 karma
The bar actually faces liability for this? Why? The patron decided to drink, the liability of what happens because of their drinking should be on them.
NoMoreRedditNames5 karma
In BC to serve alcohol you have to take an online course called Serving It Right, which takes all of half an hour. Part of the course explains that the drinking establishment is partially liable is something were to happen.
I think it's because the bar has the discretion to cut off customers who have too much, but if they fail to do that and consume so much that they think it's okay for them to drive, then it's somehow the bar's fault. I don't really know the finer points to be honest. It's only a certain small percentage that the bar is liable.
Peil2 karma
But how is it the bar's fault "Woah, you can't drive, you've had way too many" "Oh no it's cool bro, I'm walking". Then gets in his car and kills someone. Why is the bar liable?
NoMoreRedditNames3 karma
I'm sure if that were the case, they'd be let off. Maybe there was a case somewhere where the staff failed to notice that a person was very drunk and had no viable means to get home and the establishment didn't give him one, so he drove.
Damn it Jim, I'm a driver, not a lawyer!
Thriftx19 karma
What was your worst passenger to drive home like? And who was your most disgusting passenger?
And it's awesome that bars will do this. As someone who doesn't drive and needs a DD because of it, it's much appreciated.
NoMoreRedditNames53 karma
As the appointed representative of the nebulous hive mind of bar drivers, you're welcome.
The worst one was probably this chick who I drove home only to forget her keys at the bar somewhere. So I let her sit in the shuttle the whole night while I drove other people, and she picked fights with EVERYONE. She even punched a guy. She was probably just the worst because I had to deal with her for hours. But I couldn't just dump an attractive hammered girl on the street. Even though I wanted to.
NoMoreRedditNames41 karma
Actually, I've only had two pukers in all my time there. One said she was sick and I pulled over in time, and the other puked outside of a hospital.
Which was weird, because we weren't there for him. Someone had to go to a hospital for a reason I can't remember, so I dropped them off and he got out to stretch his legs and bleeeeeehgskdfjg. I told him to just go inside the hospital with the others. What convenience!
Dont_be_scared_child38 karma
you have only had two pukers? Jesus I reckon that would be a good night for an Irish taxi driver
Yaced12314 karma
Have you ever been told anything particularly interesting by a drunk customer who is bad at keeping their mouth shut? IE drunken confessions.
NoMoreRedditNames23 karma
Oh god, all the time. I don't even know where to begin. I can't think of one off the top of my head at the moment but I'm sure I'll think of something later if you'll remind me.
NoMoreRedditNames31 karma
Well, I've been busy answering people but I once drove on to the native reserve only to have a girl curl up in to a ball and confess that she fears/hates Natives.
Yikes.
silentbob58310 karma
Did you drink before you got the job? If so, has your experience affected how you view drinking? I enjoy a good pint, but if I was exposed to drunkards day in and day out, it might sour my opinion of the whole thing.
I wish more places did stuff like this particularly in places where public transportation is inadequate or non-existent. Tip of the hat to you, sir.
NoMoreRedditNames8 karma
Yes, I was 20 when I got the job, and the legal drinking age in Canada is 19, so I had been around. I understood the mentality of a drunk a lot better, and made dealing with them much more effective.
Thank you, Bob.
iamaredditer10 karma
That is really kool and very responsible for the bar to do this service. On avg how many people do you take home? Is it at a set time or do you constantly drive people home throughout the night? How many drivers does the bar use? What country is this?
NoMoreRedditNames26 karma
Depends, really. Calls can be from a single person to the van being so full that people are lying on top of other people (which is blatantly illegal, but meh).
I work from 9:00PM to when everyone goes home. So on slow nights I can go home at 2:00AM, but on super busy theme nights like Country Night I sometimes make it home by 4:30.
We have two drivers, me and another guy.
I live in Canada. My pub is in BC.
iamnotacopforsure26 karma
I'm new to Reddit. So, you know, sorry...
Sounds like a fellow Canadian.
I live in Canada. My pub is in BC.
OP Verified.
NoMoreRedditNames25 karma
FUCK. I wasn't even trying to be funny. Turns out the stereotype is true.
Chrisg2110 karma
If you work where I think you do, you've given me a ride plenty of times.
Thanks buddy!
NoMoreRedditNames38 karma
Story: My buddies and I have wing night every night at another pub in town. Our server worked at both pubs, and the driver just quit. So because we were regulars he asked us all. I volunteered. Goes to show that if you really want a job, just hang out there long enough and eventually they'll start paying you.
dam3607 karma
I'm actually really curious since you keep mentioning it. How much do you get paid, if you don't mind my asking?
NoMoreRedditNames49 karma
I made $10 an hour, but then it went up to $12 an hour. Plus tips. I don't do it for the money, I do it because it's hilarous.
NoMoreRedditNames7 karma
I've never felt in danger myself, nor have I ever felt that other are in danger.
Yet...
NoMoreRedditNames33 karma
Lots of times. Mostly cougars. Frankly, I'd be less likely to be accosted by a cougar if I covered my body in steaks and wondered off in to the forest.
thou_liest7 karma
How do you handle really busy nights?
We have a similar van service at my university, which seems great, but is notorious for saying they will pick you up, and then leaving you on your own. This can be a problem if you drink more having come to rely on the van, which they say you can, here at least. Has anything like this ever happened in your experiences?
Edit: grammar.
NoMoreRedditNames12 karma
I handle busy nights one call at a time. They stack up, and people just have to be patient as I drive one group here and there.
I've had times where people call the bar, and I go to their address and they simply aren't there. I'll wait outside their residence for maybe 10 minutes and if they don't show and I have other calls to attend to, they're on their own. The bar informs them when I'm on my way and it's rather annoying when they aren't ready even with advanced notice.
LoaderShooter7 karma
Did you ever consider adding delivering pizza to said drunkards home on top of being the go to dd guy? You could make bank! ... Maybe.
NoMoreRedditNames17 karma
I've considered buying snacks and jacking up the prices and selling them as I drive to starving drunks.
Capitolism!
divadsci6 karma
A few years back (oh dear, not too far off a decade!) in St Ives I was at a pub with a shuttle service. The slogan was: "Rowan's rides, lose your life not your licence!"
I hear he's not in business anymore.
NoMoreRedditNames13 karma
Was thinking of making mine "TIPS OR TITS!" but I don't think that would have gone over well.
NoMoreRedditNames42 karma
Yes, actually. I've also thought of buying a bunch of snacks and jacking up the prices so the drunks have something to snack on while I drive, and I make some more cash.
It's evil, but Canada is a capitalist country, so neh.
orktastic6 karma
Is there a certain radius you can drive? I can't imagine picking up people two towns over.
NoMoreRedditNames13 karma
I live on the coast and there is a certain highway that I do not cross, as that is the limit. If someone where to throw a few bucks my way, however...
NoMoreRedditNames3 karma
Not very far. I think you fail to grasp the size of the Canadian cost.
Basically, I go 15k in any direction. I have land marks in each direction that let me know I've gone far enough.
johnnyBenchCalled16 karma
Do you worry about creepers getting off your shuttle at the same time as women they don't seem to know?
NoMoreRedditNames16 karma
Yes, I was told by the bouncers once to take a girl straight home as she had too much to drink, and some dudes in the shuttle were mad creeping on her. They asked if she wanted to go back to their places and I told them I had to take her home, so I stopped it.
Quite the internal conflict, cock blocking my fellow bros...
johnnyBenchCalled12 karma
What I was trying to ask: is do you keep guys from getting off at her house if it's clear that they aren't with her and things could go badly?
NoMoreRedditNames4 karma
I talked them out of it, but if need be I would physically intervene.
TheJanks6 karma
If there was a decent bar in San Antonio that had this service, they'd have me as a regular customer.
NoMoreRedditNames46 karma
If I sold hamburgers and assualt rifles out of the back of the van.
Just kidding. I can't imagine why it would be ineffective.
Kittysaurusbot5 karma
This is an awesome idea. In the city I live in we have a bus that goes from downtown to uptown randomly picking up people to take to bars and then bringing them back. It is free also but not very reliable. You don't know what time it's coming or where it will stop.
NoMoreRedditNames3 karma
Probably the guy who treatened to stab another guy. Story explained in another response.
meganallain4 karma
I don't really have a question, but I want to say just how awesome it is that this is a thing, gotta love Canada! I don't normally go out to bars because, as a lightweight, I worry about walking home late at night, and taxis can cost quite a bit. Lovely idea, and I'd imagine it'd be hilarious in practice! :)
B_Rich3 karma
You've said you make pretty decent tips doing this... is it your only job, or do you do this enough to pay the bills? Thanks again for your service.
NoMoreRedditNames6 karma
You're welcome. I do have another job. I just do this on weekends.
NoMoreRedditNames10 karma
Nope. Luckily. I pulled over once to let a chick puke and a cop pulled up to see what was going on. That's about it.
galiko3 karma
How do you make a living if you're providing this service for free? I'm sure you get tips, but aside from strippers, it's tough to live off of tips.
NoMoreRedditNames7 karma
I have other jobs. I just do this on the weekends. I get an hourly wage there of $12.
dontfoxwithme3 karma
Are you an independent contractor for the bar with your own van or does the bar own the van and employ you? What's your mileage in a night? I'd like to know more business specifics. This sounds like a good model.
NoMoreRedditNames7 karma
The bar employs me. It's their van. I can't think of the milage off the top of my head, but on top of getting customers it also relieves any liability the bar might have if a patron does for some reason drive drunk. I imagine that in court, the bar can argue that they provided a free and easy alternative and the blame thus lies on the person charged.
JohnQuittenton2 karma
Are you allowed to deny people entry to your bus? If they look like they're going to puke soon, or they're already causing trouble, for example.
NoMoreRedditNames2 karma
Yes, I've worked there long enough and am well trusted enough that I pretty much have unlimited discretion. That being said, I don't arbitrarily deny people. That would be a dick move.
Plus I wouldn't get tips.
NoMoreRedditNames3 karma
Not on me, luckily. Had only two pukers. Answered in other comments.
danno17692 karma
They have a shuttle at a local pub around here. The sign in the bar says the contribute 50% of tips to a local cancer research center. Did you ever consider cutting a piece to a local charity?
NoMoreRedditNames2 karma
It's never crossed my mind. Large charity events like that would be typically organized by the bar manager. I know the bar has done events such as auctioning off our staff for charity. I was called away to do something at the time, but I'm sure if I had been there, I would have been sold to a pack of cougars and promptly consumed.
_fesT2 karma
Does the bar give you free drinks every now and then(obviously when you're not currently shuttling people)?
SomeNorwegianChick2 karma
Did you have to talk to the authorities or anything before starting this? I imagine in a lot of countries, this could in some way be considered pirating (even if you tell them it's free), you might get in trouble with cab companies, be considered a dangerous rapist luring drunk girls into your van, etc. How easy was it to get this going? Did you just turn up outside a bar one day?
NoMoreRedditNames3 karma
Nope, there wasn't any background check, but it's a small town and they knew who I was and where I lived etc. And our shuttle ONLY drove people too and from the bar, and only to a certain point.
They simply asked me.
human_interest2 karma
How large is your service area (how many miles are you willing to travel away from the bar)?
NoMoreRedditNames6 karma
About 15 KILOMETERS, YANK. But there is a certain highway I don't cross which acts as my boundry. If people want to fork out some money I go further, though.
NoMoreRedditNames56 karma
I've never felt afraid at my job, actually, I'm pretty level-headed and haven't encountered a violent or retarded person I couldn't handle.
Just kidding. One time a pretty girl talked to me and I almost lost conciousness.
youreawinner_barry1 karma
Have you ever had kids (who obviously look underage) try to have you take them to the pub?
NoMoreRedditNames12 karma
Yes, but once I get there the bouncer IDs and catches them. Then I have to go through the annoyance of driving them back. Damn kids.
tokengingerkid1 karma
Just wanted to say thank you for the service you provide, and on behalf of drunk girls everywhere, I'm sorry your van was puked on.
SnOwBunZz1 karma
Did you need to take special classes for this? Like how to deal with potentially dangerous drunk people? Did you ever put someone out of the car in front of a police station for being an ass etc?
Edit: spelling.
NoMoreRedditNames4 karma
Nope, just a regular license. I've been able to talk down every potentially violent person so far. I haven't booted anyone out for being a dick... Yet. I like to pride myself on patience and tolerance.
NJBarFly1 karma
Where I'm from, free buses get a lot of push back from taxi companies. Usually, the powers that be shut them down and threaten legal action if the buses continue. These taxi companies then go to charge exorbitant fees. Have you experienced anything like this?
NoMoreRedditNames2 karma
I haven't, but I'm just under the employ of the pub. I haven't heard of the pub taking any flack for it.
player1adam1 karma
In the general area, where is this bar located? I have never heard of this service before.
Taylort2321 karma
-Does the shuttle work week nights?
-Are you busy during "slack" times (say 11pm until 1230am)?
-So the bar dispatches and they have you on radio? How do you navigate?
NoMoreRedditNames8 karma
Only weekend. I have unlimited freedom during that time. Hell, I've driven home (which is two minutes away) and made myself a cup of tea because I knew nothing would happen in that time.
No, the bouncer texts me the info. I have an iPhone :)
SeantotheRescue1 karma
How many nights a week does your pub offer this service? Do you have another job other than this one? What specific thing have you done as a driver that you are most proud of? I think this is a great service, keep it up!
NoMoreRedditNames22 karma
Friday and Saturday nights. I do have another job. And my proudest moment was probably when a guy asked me to drop him off at a parking lot, and when I pulled up I asked if he lived in the nearby apartment building, to which he responded that he was just going to hop in his truck and drive home. I successfully convinced him to just let me drive him home for free. Getting a drunk driver off the road was rewarding.
Psykik911 karma
How much down time do you have? What happens when your bar is full? How is gas handled?
NoMoreRedditNames5 karma
Depends. Some nights are dead, some nights are go go go. When the bar is full, I simply tell people over the phone that there is a line up. Usually they say thank you but they cancel their ride.
The van is usually filled up by the time the shuttle rides start. Only once have I had to fill up while working, and it takes as long to fuel as the bloody space shuttle. Customers weren't happy. They were cold and had to pee.
MarPag1 karma
Does the van have any specific markings? Does it say Drunk Truck on it or anything?
NoMoreRedditNames6 karma
Yes, it has the name of the pub in large letters across the side. Everyone in town knows what it looks like.
ItsTheFark-1 karma
Would you rather shuttle one horse sized duck is 100 duck sized horses?
NoMoreRedditNames12 karma
100 duck sized horses. I could punish the roudy ones by stuffing them in to the glove box.
Zhangar269 karma
I just came here to say thanks. Ive never had the pleasure of being driven home for free but I can only imagine the number of accidents and lives you have saved by your service.
Thanks, man.
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